Bipolar in Christ
I used to love living. I could pray for hours on end, just thanking God for creating me. Sitting upfront at church watching my father preach the gosple as a kid. My perspective of Gods love were limitless...
Then, like for most of us, life came stabbing me in the back. This perfect picture that I had held onto for such a long time, came falling down, shattering into a million pieces. Like a thief in the night, I was robbed of my most precious belongings.
I've never come back from it all, back to my youthful faith. These episodes lingers from exhausted depression to short glimpses of hope, but more often I remain in a depressive state of mind.
Is there a reason for all of this suffering? Am I to blame? Why doesn't God intervene more often? Has He turned His face away from me? Am I His beloved child, or has He rejected my prayers?
Being bipolar in Christ is something no one signs up for... I don't think that Moses signed up for His calling either, but was assigned through His grace... Am not going to point out that bipolar is a gift in any way, but the fact still remains; The amount of suffering the bipolar is forced to walk through, is a strength that cannot be taught any other way...
Bipolar in Christ is like walking in the Sahara desert. There may be brief moments where you may come across an oasis, but eventually your faith may cause mana to fall from the sky and water stream through a dry rock.
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