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#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #Christianity

I just feel so lost 😞 I want to get better ❤️‍🩹 and feel better ❤️‍🩹. I don’t know 🤷‍♂️ what to do because I know what I need to do it’s just so hard to do it once fear 😰 gets a hold of you it never wants to let go! And being afraid of dying makes it worse because it’s not something anyone can stop 🛑 from happening and I’m having a hard time accepting that fact. And to make matters even worse ikr 😞 I’m a Christian and we’re not supposed to be afraid 😱 of death ☠️ so yeah I’m a pathetic human

4 reactions 2 comments

BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorderBPD #BipolarDisorder #Anxiety #MentalHealth #Christianity

I just did some light reading 📖 on BPD and I’m definitely not liking what I read. Basically I’m a culmination of fear,anxiety,sadness,worthlessness,anger and boy do I fit the bill. And I definitely don’t want to be narcissistic at all and I don’t want to suffer from fear 😨 of abandonment. I read something that cut me real deep. It said that when our relationships fail basically we feel as if we’re the victims and I screwed up my first marriage and because of her abandoning me I acted out badly. I am ashamed of myself because I threatened her life and mine if she tried to leave me. I was that desperate to hold on to our marriage at any cost. That’s when I threatened to jump off a bridge and my wife at the time and my mother had me involuntarily committed to a psychiatric institution and I was then diagnosed with bpd at that time in 2018 wow I look 👀 at my life and reading my own post I’m a horrible mistake that should’ve never happened in November of 1985 when I was born my heart ❤️ 🛑 stopped and I wish God would have left it that way because then I wouldn’t have ever hurt anybody and I myself wouldn’t have had to hurt all these years I would’ve been in heaven and been happy I really really hate myself right now

6 reactions 5 comments

Am I alone? #MentalHealth #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #Christianity #Depression

Is it just me or does anyone else constantly have the urge to constantly be in control of their environment like all the time and I don’t mean like trying to control other people to be mean to them but in control to prevent something bad from happening or to prevent triggers for being allowed to manifest themselves and cause something bad to happen and does anyone else feel scared or suffer from thanataphobia (fear of dying) or is it just me that’s this hopeless and pathetic

7 reactions 3 comments

I know I shouldn’t #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Christianity

I know I shouldn’t feel this way as a Christian but a part of me wants my soon to be ex wife to loose that apartment we both shared and I want her vehicle to blow the motor so she’ll have to feel how I feel with no home of your own or a vehicle that’s how she left me with NOTHING I know it’s wrong to feel this way but I think it would make things fair for her to see how this feels to be thrown away like yesterday garbage and have nothing I’m living with my sister and her husband because of my wife she wanted me to be institutionalized for three months and I said no way I want her to hurt like I’m hurting that’ll teach her a lesson and once she loses everything then I want to gain everything and let her see how it feels

5 reactions 4 comments

Time travel

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorderBPD #MentalHealth #BipolarDisorder #Anxiety I wish I could go back in time and undo my mistakes. I wish I had learned my lesson the first time. Not feeling the need to always be in control all the time. And definitely want to go back to the time when my psych meds worked properly and before I developed anxiety. But I totally deserve every bad thing that’s happening to me and it’s all because I didn’t do things the way Jesus Christ told us to #Christianity

5 reactions 1 comment

What do I do? #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #OppositionalDefiantDisorder #Christianity

Ok well I first off want to say that I’m not happy in this marriage. I was married once before for over a decade. I was a absolute mean person who definitely didn’t have his mental health in check. Well we lost our son in 2013 and I gave my life to Christ ✝️. Things got better and then I slipped away from my faith and things got bad again and I threatened to jump off a bridge. My first wife and mother had me committed to a mental institution, I was there for two weeks. When I got out my first wife left me and I went ballistic that’s when I was diagnosed with #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder . I’m been since remarried and have displayed some of the same behaviors I did that help end my former marriage. But my current wife has a lot of the same issues I do, and her family had told her that they didn’t think it would work because we’re to much alike. There’s a part of me that just wants to live alone and since I suffer from severe #Anxiety and fear of #thanataphobia (fear of dying) so being alone scares me I don’t want to die alone but I also don’t want this marriage to work out either I’m literally what my name says a lost cause

26 reactions 12 comments

Maybe 🤔 I am a jerk!? #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ADHD

I’m not trying to be a jerk but a part of me doesn’t want to be married anymore. I feel like it’s a toxic environment for both of us. She accuses me of throwing a fit when I don’t get my own way, but she does the very same thing I have had one toxic relationship married the first time for over a decade and now a new relationship for a few years. I will be honest and fair I have had tendencies to do the above aforementioned behaviors when I was in a full on panic attack mode I would knock pictures of the wall and threatening her if she didn’t take me to the emergency room. I was so scared I was having a heart attack and not a panic attack. But her family did advise her in the beginning that they didn’t think it would work because we’re to much alike. And yes before I got saved and found Jesus Christ ✝️even in my first marriage I would curse and holler and hit myself NEVER ANYONE ELSE!!! But I wasn’t totally to blame for the first marriage failing and I have displayed some of the same behaviors as of late. Now that I have told the truth even about myself I was doing good when I got saved and I walked away and things went downhill now I’m trying to walk with Christ again and feel like I’m in a toxic environment and my spiritual growth is stunted #Christianity I honestly don’t know where to turn or what to do

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Forgiven #Depression #Hope #Faith #Christianity #PTSD #Relationships #MentalHealth

“As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our sins from us.”
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭103‬:‭12‬ ‭GNT‬‬

We are perfectly clean, not because we are, but because God is. No matter what you have done, or has been done to you, you are spotlessly clean.

37 reactions 13 comments