6 Things I'm Thankful My Children Have That I Didn't Growing Up in an Abusive Household
Editor's Note
If you’ve experienced domestic violence or emotional abuse, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline online by selecting “chat now” or calling 1-800-799-7233. You can also contact the Crisis Text Line by texting “START” to 741741.
As someone who had a childhood of emotional and psychological abuse, neglect and deprivation, I’m always amazed at how my children perceive some of the things they have as “normal for meeting their basic needs.” And maybe they are!
But as the daughter of a single mom who had undiagnosed borderline personality disorder (BPD) and would drink herself to numbness (which, by the way, only made her more explosive, volatile and extreme), when I see my children not enduring the things I had to, I relish on it. I feel like I am giving my inner child a second shot at having a desired childhood.
Some of these essential things they have and I never did include:
1. The right to bed at night knowing they will never be woken up by a drunken mom calling them names and throwing things at them.
2. The peace to know what will likely be their mother’s emotional and psychological state when they’re back home from school — and that she won’t be covered in bruises by last night’s spanking.
3. Having clear rules for right and wrong, never having to guess when an action will be applauded or reproached.
4. Having a family that sits for meals together, loves each other, teases each other, strays away at times, but is always there when needed.
5. They never have the fear they may lose their mom to a gunshot wound overnight because she is in an abusive relationship where being spanked unconscious is always an option.
6. Having someone to talk to when they need guidance, instead of having to parent their parents.
Some of these fears follow me to this day, even though I live thousands of miles away. I still have trouble getting through a full night of sleep without some help. And although my kids don’t have a perfect childhood (I am sure they have complaints), I have protected them from that which no one could protect me. I hope they will have better memories than I do.
How about you? Have you had adverse childhood events? Does it still affect you today? If it does, look for help. And remember: whatever happened, it was not your fault.
Unsplash image by Jessica Rockowitz
Instagram: @mflifecoach. I am the mom to 3 beautiful children (24yo, 16yo and 5yo), I am a trauma-informed professional and a trauma survivor. I live with C-PTSD and I know about Borderline Personality Disorder first hand. I am a Coach, an Astrologer, a UPenn Grad Student, and I work with kids and schools to break the cycle of intergenerational trauma.
marciafervienza