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#CognitiveBehavioralTheory

Our Thoughts predetermine our Feelings - Our Feelings predetermine our Behaviors - Our Behaviors reinforce our Thoughts

So when we come from a place of severe Trauma; Abuse; Neglect; we tend to have Negative, and Reactive Thought processes. This tends to present itself in Negative Trauma Response to our CURRENT situation, regardless of whether we are still experiencing the Trauma...

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy helps to retrain the Mind back to more Positive Thoughts, which leads to Positive Feelings, and helps us to have more Positive Interactions and Behavior patterns... It takes time to learn and develop the Proper COPING SKILLS to overcome years of Abuse... The Patterns become so ingrained that we are unaware of our Responses or how we are Affecting those around us...

#AutismSpectrum #ADD #Anxiety #behavioralhealth #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #CPTSD #Dyslexia #EmotionalDysregulation #Guilt_Shame #intensemoodswings #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Selfharm #SuicideSurvivor

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I'm new here!

Hi, my name is Fantasia72. I'm here because I have suffered mental and physical abuse from my father. This was a long time ago, but I haven't processed it. Can you please help me?

#MightyTogether #Grief #PTSD

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Healing Quote

I saw this quote recently, and it really resonated with me. Sometimes you have to find the strength within yourself or be brave enough to forgive. Healing is a way you can move on.
If no one ever apologizes, it’s hard to get closure. So, my prayer for each of you is that you have healing and peace whether you get the apology you deserve or not.
I hope this quote can touch your heart, too. 🤍

#Trauma #Abuse #Grief #MightyTogether

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What I wish my Doctor did before deciding I deserved physical and mental abuse.

In 2010, I already went through 2 years of going blind in my eyes. No answer but great job trying to find one. Shots, drops, and full blown surgery. Still keep coming.

Many new issues in 2010. Pain there was no answer. Headaches. Pain so severe in my armpits, neck. Family Doctor: I am faking it because she had no idea what it was.

Then dots all over my lungs. Another new problem, I severe triggers. I say my oxygen goes to 70 on pulse ox. Doctor I am faking it.

Go to lung doctor. Multiple issues that my family says get a new lung Doctor. Hygiene: sneezed into paperwork he handed to me. Did not tell me in biopsy that I could get collapsed lung but got one. Left biopsy on my bed that was wheeled into the recovery room. Wife found it and gave it to the nurses. Collapsed lung, quickly discharged from hospital and sent to off sight imaging center. Told you have a collapsed lung, we have an ambulance on standby. Lung Doctor: go home. Nothing else.

Eye Doctor: If lung biopsy is sarcoidosis, that is your eye problem and we can get proper help now we know what it is. Ask lung Doctor for records.

Family Doctor: I try to say exactly what the eye doctor is telling me. Ok, my mistake. I thought they talked to each other. Going on for 2 years. Doctor tells me, 2 other patients get no treatment for sarcoidosis, so I will not consider it for you. Eh?

I want to be out of work until an answer can be found why my oxygen goes so low. Triggers. Cold weather. Smoke. Happens one step out of my door. You are faking it, best place for you is at work. Work telling me unless you get out on disabilty, they will can me.

Go to lung Doctor and ask for records. He says and I quote, “No one needs to know what I am doing” Adds “Plus Sarcoidosis is nothing in your eyes, a couple of drops and it goes away.” I tell him about triggers. They happen one step out the door. Can’t breathe. No air in nor out. Tells me to go to work and ask about a certain welding. That welding he is referring to has been banned for over 30 years. It is not welding.

I got to eye Doctor, she asks for records. What did he say? Lung Doctor refuses and I say what he told me. My daughter was present at this appointment. Eye Doctor calls lung Doctor ignorant. Tells me, get a new lung Doctor. Tells me where, not whom though.

I plead with family Doctor to not send me to work. I am going to die. She brushes me off. “You are not going to die”. I tell my wife, I am going to die today. When I do, find out what is wrong with me as I am not making it up.

My co-workers will not allow me to do anything. Does not matter, it is the cold weather. Friday, I leave work to go into cold weather. I get to my car but I can’t get air in nor out. I pass out. Some long time later, I come to. Hundreds of co-workers gone, I am only one in parking lot.

Saturday, I call family Doctor to request a new lung Doctor that my family had been asking about for months now. Family Doctor says and I quote, “He is my lung Doctor, so he is your lung Doctor”. I repeat. She repeats. I repeat louder. She repeats louder.

Go to eye Doctor. She tells me and I quote, “So your family Doctor was wrong what is wrong with you?” Walks out of appointment.

Why for 14 years running has no one ever asked, “What happened to you?”

Why not ask me why I did not want that lung Doctor?

Why did I not dismiss that family Doctor?

That was 2010.

2011 my oxygen goes to 70 in surgery Easter. Never received an answer why.

Many real nasty things said to me. 2011 thru 2015. What I believe is how my PTSD started was when my heart stopped twice in 2014. I asked my family Doctor, “Why was I not helped?’

Family Doctor says, “you were not helped because you talked about other Doctors and some Doctors don’t like that”. Added, “I no longer use lung Doctor anymore because of all the compliants”

So 14 years of both physical and mental abuse because I told the truth about a lung Doctor she no longer uses because of all the other complaints.

Just some of the quotes:

Go kill yourself.

No one cares about you.

You deserved it. (Multiple times)

You were lied to going back to when you were first disabled.

You will find it impossible to get proper mental help because of how you received the trauma.

You were given prednsione induced diabetes 9.0.0.4 A1C, heart failure and kidney failure on purpose.

You must agree that you wanted your lung problem to be Sarcoidosis or you will never know what is wrong with you.

You must agree your family Doctor (who told me to go kill myself) did not know about mental health disease.

You should fear what more Doctors could do to you.

I have been blocked from leaving a Doctor’s office once. Physically blocked. You can hear me on recordings asking to let me go. They were trying to TRIGGER a response.

PTSD diagnosed 2018, not told. Told to leave and find care elsewhere.

Stop going to Doctors.

Last mental health provider told me CPTSD was because of asthma mistakes which is a lie. It was on purpose and those words that family Doctor has said to me is what I think about ALL THE TIME.

I see no path forward. Only if the family Doctor wants to admit she did not help me on purpose because I talked about a lung Doctor she no longer uses.

Now it is WAY more important to protect all those providers that failed to help me because that family Doctor said to do it. That I deserved it.

So I stopped going to Doctors long ago. No more lies. No more physical abuse. No more mental abuse. No more blood pressures 200/120. No more chest pain.

I have papers that say, severe high risk asthma. Doctors have known it long ago. They are screwing with me. Do no harm is just a bunch of words. They have no meaning in real life. All it takes is one Doctor to say you deserved to die. The rest do nothing but try their best to join in. Or cover it up.

The good providers I can tell who they are. They dismiss me as a patient after one appointment. They don’t want to get involved. So my choices are the wolves or nothing. I am done with the wolves.

Why was I not asked why I did not want that lung Doctor? None of this had to happen. NO ONE DESERVES THIS.

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Physical Abuse

I am here to heal myself. I was constantly hit as a small girl. Additionally, I had asthma and was forced to clean the house-which was very dusty- as early as five years old. When I became near sighted and could not see dust or crumbs on the floor my face was pushed roughly to the floor because I was not believed. I never knew why I was being hit-it could happen at any time night or day. I was a straight A student and did well socially but that did not register. I had to beg my parents to come to graduation where I was the valedictorian. They withheld money, too, and my clothing was second hand. The only things they cared to make sure we had was dentist care (but would not pay for novocain) and shoes. Maybe because they are signs that teachers look for. I went to school with many entitled wealthy kids who treated me as the poor kid because of my clothing. Until third grade I did not know what fresh bread was-day old bread was cheaper. Here's the kicker-my parents had money! They had "cheap" disorder. Anyways, I am letting out a lot of this here because I see not too many people respond or read it.But It's scary in this cancel culture to expose yourself this way. So please be kind if you do respond.

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Going through some things

Oh boy where do I begin, well I guess I can start of by saying hi my name is Amy and I have Bipolar, GAD, BPD, and PTSD, I can go on with the list of disorders I have, but for now this is what I am dealing with from day-to-day basis. I have been struggling with all of this since I was a little girl on top of getting molested and also raped at young age. I read somewhere that bipolar could be genetic as well which I believe is true because my father is schizophrenic, my nephew is also bipolar, and my oldest son is schizophrenic too. Not too sure if my mom has any mental disorders on her side of the family, but I do know one thing on both sides of the family have alcoholism and drug abuse. I finally found a doc who actually cares what I am going through and wants to help me. Every day I feel alone, scared, worthless, unloved, unwanted, empty, and lost. I know that my kids love me and need me, but that is a different kind of love and feeling. I am so tired of trying my hardest for people to like me and to change who I am for a man who doesn't appreciate the woman I am. I have lost myself somehow through all these years, so when I look in the mirror, I don't even know who I am staring at anymore. I cannot keep a job for the heck of it, I will love it for a couple of months, few weeks, or maybe a few days until I feel like everyone is out to get me. I get so scared and feel like everyone is talking about me or going to try to hurt me, and then my anxiety goes up the roof where I do not even want to leave my house. i have two freaking degrees and cannot even get a job because I am scared that I will fail and then get fired or something else negative will just pop up in my head and make me feel like I cannot do anything. Then I go downhill from there, I will not lie I have turn to drugs and alcohol a few times and I hate myself for it, especially recently I have been doing so great being clean and finally got a place of my own since August 2023 with my kids. Then stupid depression kicks in and then I get a random text out of the blue and what do you know I was stupid. I am trying hard to get back to be clean one because I love my kids and do not want to lose them, two it doesn't get rid of my issues it just makes them worse. I could go on and on, but I do want to thank you for letting me share some of what I am going through.

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To RISK OR NOT? sacredsavage @ The Mighty

#CheckInWithMe #Blindness #Depression #Anxiety #Diabetes #HypothyroidismUnderactiveThyroidDisease #ted # #heart Disease #Essential Tremor #Migraine #Abuse Surthrivor

Risks are daily opportunities. Were the only species able to contemplate and analyze choices, including to do nothing, when presented with a choice. I have built my life on taking many giant, some life- changing risks, and countless smaller ones, all with the goal of improving my circumstances and health. Because I began with nothing but terror, isolation, no doctors, even authorities turned away.
Beginning medication for my mental health was one of the most frightening risks I ever took, and one of my very best choices. It took awhile to get it right, which I now know is not uncommon.
What risk do you now face, what will be the consequences you consider? And is doing nothing your best option?

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2012 Catalyst

#BpDbeautifully #PTSD #SchizoaffectiveDisorder

I genuinely did not realise how poorly my mental health was until this time, 2012 is the year i lost a parent, my dad.

Born into #domesticvioulenceabuse gives you trauma from the womb.

Im working through the change of life, which in itself is an absolute smack in the gut.

My biological family came to me after the funeral, i had moved home so it wasn’t straight after, maybe a couple of years; they said they were worried about me and that they think i needed mental health support.

Im the youngest child, i was 42 at that time, my eldest sibling is 11 years my senior, then 9 years and finally the 3rd child is 4 years older than me.

Iv survived suicide of my children’s father, built myself back up, met someone new and got married, 20 years this year.

I took their advice, i went and got help, top and bottom of the situation is, after about 7 sessions of CBT therapy, i came to building my family trauma tree!

The Catalyst for everything, smack bang centre stage was my mum, really desperately sad. They couldn’t handle me, i was brutal and broken.

I walked away from my entire biological family, i have my husband and 3 amazing children, i had my 3rd child to my husband and she glued my little island (as i like to call us.)

Hardest toughest decision i made, i think it’s 5 years now and nothing, my mum refuses to have anything to do with me or my family.

She used to leave us behind when we were little, iv spent christmas eves hiding under bridges with my brother so our dad couldn’t find us, my 2 older brothers bore the brunt of dads DVA but mum, she had her jaws wired, that just gives you a little insight.

I wet the bed until i was 11 years of age, i couldn’t concentrate in school because i was always worried my mum would be dead or left us again.

Theres years of layered abuse, obviously i’m a survivor, but im not going to lie, it made me bitter, i was strong and i have stood on my own 2 feet from as far back as i can remember.

I will talk again soon, thanks for reading xhx #BpDbeautifully

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Ideation and devaluation of my fiance

Hi there,

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD (as a woman in my late 30's) and it's been overwhelming. I believe I have co-ocurring BPD as well, and I'm kinda freaking out about it. It's most evident in my relationship with my fiance. I have periods where I am completely in love with him and "know" he's "right for me," and then periods where I don't like him, maybe even hate him, and want to flee and be single again and am convinced he's terrible for me. It's fucking exhausting. He was recently diagnosed with Autism and we both share a pretty substantial history of childhood trauma (my mom has BPD, my dad has Autism, his dad was an abusive alcoholic and likely autistic, and his mom has BPD traits | i.e. abuse, neglect, etc). You could say we won the lottery lol. Anyhooo, I'm new to engaging in any BPD support and really don't want to keep swinging between ideation and devaluation of my partner my entire life. Again, I'm exhausted. Thanks for reading

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When suddenly, all of it is your fault

I will admit my family has been through a lot with all the things that have happened to me. But I’m OK. I’m alive and getting through every day and not taking things out on them. Recently, I created a project all about one of my conditions and I was incredibly proud of it , but my husband refused to see it. My stepdad refused to see it. Friends of my mother made it a point to let her know they couldn’t come see it and it’s the thing I most proud of it’s some of the best work I’ve ever done., And when I shared with my husband (of 30 years) that I was very sad he didn’t see it, he made it all about him and how I trigger his old abuse. He called me violent. I’m not violent. I checked a stuffy at his head. I was really mad during that fight. Not my best choice at the moment… but I’m not abusive person or at all violent and I know this in my heart of hearts. This is the only safe place I can talk about this. And it sucks. Back to therapy.

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