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Hi,
I’ve been living a what I thought was a normal life with a demanding Jobb that I loved (certified emergency nurse), friends and family. I’ve always known that my family wasn’t all warm and loving, but I thought it was well within normal. I’ve always been very restless, keeping myself 100 % occupied with work/activities and I always hated to go to sleep and stay in bed - I felt it was boring and never thought more of it. I’ve felt I was like everybody else and the way I felt was how everyone was feeling. The only times I noticed something was off was when my friends was sad or needed comfort and they went to their moms - my mom was the last person on earth I would go to if I felt vulnerable. I didn’t think I much about it, I just thought my friends were childish. The other thing I noticed was that I couldn’t remember anything from my childhood or personal life- the only things I could recall was something that was from a photo - I just joked about how I used all my brain capacity at work and didn’t think anything more about it. Then five years ago my world got turned upside down. My husband and I were in a serious car accident where the two people on the motorcycle died ( they hit our car from behind with 125 mph according to the police. We and other cars were stopped because of an other accident further up the road) After that I developed PTSD and struggled a lot before i got help. 2 years after the accident I started in trauma therapy, EMDR, for the accident. Then after like 3 months with EMDR I started getting different kinds of flashbacks and with them memories. The just kept coming and they all are reoccurring the same way, kind of like small things ( sounds, feelings, body memories, smell/taste or “snapshots”) that doesn’t make any sense and then suddenly out of the blue a new memory pops up and all the little things make sense. And they just keep coming. I’ve a lot of new memories and in the beginning I didn’t trust them but the flashbacks and body memories are so real and specific that I can’t dismiss them. My therapist says it’s normal that memories can be blocked for a number of years and then when another trauma happens it reactivate the old trauma. Has any of you experienced it? There are some memories of my mom and how she dealt with me, but most of them and the most vivid once ( the once that are very specific emotional, body, auditory, smell, taste and visual flashbacks - but not a whole memory, all of them are like snapshots if you know what I mean) are from SA a family friend from I’m about five till I’m eleven. I have a hard time believing that I can forget something like that. Have any of you experienced that - forgetting such a “big” thing?
#PTSD #c -ptsd #

I am not new here but was never brave enough to post. I have been struggling lately after a recent hospital stay. I have been trying everything to get better. Medications, Psychotherapy, group therapy, CBT, DBT, IOP, partial hospital programs, group home, ECT, Esketamine. I have been diagnosed with treatment resistant major Depressive Disorder, C-PTSD, anxiety and #SuicidalIdeation . I just wish there was something that worked. I not only feel lonely from everyone around me which is no one, but also from the mental illness community because nothing has worked for me. All the different treatments have left me with memory loss and a whole slew of physical problems like migraine, etc. I just feel like reaching out isn't worth it, because I haven't worked hard enough and am totally ashamed. I don't know what way to turn. So I thought I would start by simply saying hi.

How many of you have had to quit school due to chronic health problems?

WARNING ⚠️ the rest of this post is lengthy!!!

I have been working on my bachelors in community health through online courses (one class at a time) for the past seven years. A few months prior to beginning my degree program I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia following a car wreck that required a neck fusion surgery. From there my chronic illness diagnoses have continued to accumulate. I now have chronic migraine, endometriosis, interstitial cystitis, chronic fatigue, degenerative disc disease, tinnitus, IBS, C-PTSD, and a long list of food and environmental allergies. I have 2 sons and 2 daughters. My youngest son (15yr) has serious ADHD. Both of my daughters (21yr & 20yr) have long lists of chronic health conditions. They live with me and probably will for their whole lives due to the impact of the disability that their issues cause. Neither girl can drive either. The oldest has Asperger’s, fibromyalgia, Ehlers Danlos, ADHD, C-PTSD, severe anxiety, depression, Eosinophilic Esophagitis, IBS, mild Ulcerative Colitis, numerous food allergies and possible Borderline Personality Disorder. The youngest has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Dysautonomia, C-PTSD, depression, anxiety, disordered eating, restless legs, Eosinophilic Esophagitis, constant skin picking, and numerous food allergies. All three of us girls and my youngest boy has severe sleeping problems. Me and both my girls have applied for and been turned down for disability. Up until 2022 I had been a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom. At the beginning of 2022 me and my 2 girls and youngest son ( oldest son is in college and pretty much living on his own) loaded up and left my narcissistic abusive husband of 16 yrs. and began to start over in a tiny apartment in a small town with me re-entering the work force and starting a full time job in retail and officially divorcing him at the end of that year. My youngest daughter has since tried to commit suicide twice and my oldest has had several mental breaks that were extremely hard to deal with. Throughout the whole time I have continued with my school classes. Determined to finish what I started. However, my health has continued to decline from all my illnesses and the stress of my life and it is taking a toll on my cognitive abilities. I took a 8 month break from my classes but have started back recently and I’m struggling to keep up with the assignments and not learning as I know I should be. I only have 6 classes left, that will take me the next year to complete due to the schedule I’m following, but my body, mind and finances seem to be making it extremely hard for me to keep going. I’m really considering quitting, but feel like I would be a real failure if I didn’t finish it.
If you read all this……Thank you! 🙂 #ChronicFatigue
#Fibromyalgia
# Migraine
#IBS
#InterstitialCystitis
#ChronicPain
#EhlersDanlos
#c -PTSD
#Autism
#Anxiety
#Depression
##BrainFog

I am not doing so good. I struggle to do anything, I have been working for just over a year part time and my mental health has kept me off work for over a month. I cannot handle any demands placed on me and the mere thought of going back to work fills me with dread. I shake, cry and have constant feelings of being under too much pressure. My depression and feelings of failure is adding to my suicidal ideation. The only reason i won’t act on this feeling is because I cannot bare the thought of hurting my loved ones. I feel so much guilt over my thoughts of resigning from my job, but believe the job I do is too demanding on my mental health. I feel so sad all the time. My doctor increased my Fluoxitine dose to 60mg per day and I am on 0.5mg Chlonozepam.