Emotional and verbal abuse #narcissist behavior
I left my partner a few years ago but 6 months later had to go back as I couldn’t keep my pets where I was living and it’s impossible to rent with them. They are everything to me and I can’t give them up. My ex and I function together but I no longer sleep with him. That was part of his abuse. He’s been getting more controlling telling me when to go to bed, gets mad if he thinks I come home late when I go for groceries , tells me what to eat and most of all tells me what he thinks I do wrong with my pets. Apparently I can do no right with anything. I do almost all of the work inside and outside the house and try not to rock the boat as I have no money to go anywhere else unless I give up my pets which are my world. He blows up if I say something he doesn’t like. I’ve been on disability for almost 15 years. I used to be strong and self sufficient until I had to stop working because of pain and lost my independence. He can be rather mean and demeaning with his words but last night I did speak up and say something and he could have scared the devil himself with the red face and anger coming from him and hatred just oozed from his eyes and he looked at me and said “I had a f’in neough of you”. I don’t do anything to make him mad. I try to co exist as peacefully as I can and do as much as I can in the home which is more than my fair share. We own the home together. I have osteoarthritis, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, migraines and recently had bunion surgery on both feet at the same time. Big mistake. He said he would do what I couldn’t till I healed but he didn’t so I had to be on my feet and my surgeries failed. When he said he had a f’in neough if me I felt like two cents. I know I shouldn’t but it made me feel so small and like a piece of nothing. I’m disappointed in myself for not being stronger but I feel like there’s nothing I can do aside from giving up my pets that rely on me and I love so much and even then the economy is so bad my disability check probably wouldn’t be enough to afford an apartment. I don’t know what to do. I’ve been walking on eggshells for so long and so stressed along with my pain and fatigue that life is pretty miserable. The only comfort I have is from the love of my pets. Now I’ve been diagnosed with low cortisol and have the side effects to go with it. He’s not always nice to my cats and dogs either and one has been fighting for his life with an autoimmune disease for almost 2 years now. I’m feeling lost and alone and just needed to get this out there. Thank you to anyone that has read this far. I know it’s a lot. We went to court when I left him last time and the judge read my statement and said it sound a little over the top. She didn’t believe me. I said yes it is your honor but I lived it. Too bad they don’t listen when someone is reaching out for help. Maybe I wouldn’t have to be here now if she had.