My birthday is actually in May on the tenth. And I celebrated it the day after because of the fact that I always have depression on the day of my birthday. I found out that they have a word for that which is fragapanophobia.
I am beginning to think that I honestly have birthday phobia. And I’ll tell you why, it all started when I was a little girl. I have a distinct memory of me crying in the bedroom on my birthday. I always remember feeling sad on or around my birthday. My emotions were always tied up in gloom.
I’m not 100% certain why but if I had to try and put my finger on it. I’ll say that it has to do with the fact that May is one of the most celebrated months with so many special occasions. And my birthday has frequently been overshadowed where people would say to me, “Oh, that’s right. Today is your birthday isn’t it?” My birthday has almost always been forgotten about by my family and friends. Unless I remind them.
But, me possibly having fragapanophobia isn’t the only reason why I am always so depressed about my birthday. But I identify as a HSP a highly sensitive person, I am a easily triggered mess, and I am introverted. I want to be celebrated but I also want to be left alone.
I celebrated my birthday the day after with a spa day and had a whole hour to myself which was incredibly relaxing. The day after my birthday was pretty sweet. But the day of was to be expected, because my two closest siblings forgot to call and wish me a happy birthday. I was so bummed and I purposely scheduled a therapy session for my birthday but it was canceled.
Yeah, this may be my second post on #TheMighty of me pouting about my birthday. But I will say that although I was hurt. It hurt a little less then it had in my past. And I’m just hoping that I’ll soon be able to not have to hurt at all.
It is Mental Health Month. And I’m determined to make sure I prioritize myself and not let my emotions dictate how I spend my birthday weekend. My plan is to write a book about it since it is such a constant theme for my birthdays. And grow from this since I’m blessed with life I want to be thankful for it.
I won’t be reminding people of my birthday anymore. If they truly care they’ll remember on their own. Just like I do when it’s theirs. As soon as their birthday month pop up on the calendar I always mark the date to be sure to show them so much love. I pray that it is reciprocated with the same amount of love🎉🎈🎁. #Introvert #HSP #Depression #Loneliness #MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness