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You are strong if you survived unspeakable abuse.
You are strong if you go through your daily life without complaint.
You are strong if you are able to go through the motions of living (surviving) daily.

What if you are tired of being strong?

What if all you want to do, even for just one day, acknowledge your real feelings and / needs?

I am a single mother.
I went through unspeakable abuse.
I have bipolar disorder, GAD, SAD, C-PTSD, CFS, chronic pain, etc...
I maintain a full-term job, raise my child, juggle between work, schoolwork, time for my child and homework.
Time for myself gets put on the backseat.

I want to admit I am in pain, I am struggling, I am not okay, I need a hug, without getting looks of consternation or confusion, and without any judgement.

I want to acknowledge what I am feeling, without feeling guilty about it. I want to be able to explain why I can not do this today without having to answer 10 000 questions.

For just 1 day I want to forget I am all the world expects me to be. Or be a different person with no ties or obligations to anyone.

I want to acknowledge that I am only human, I also hurt, I also get tired and lonely and frustrated. I also have a limit to what I can endure and what I can cope with.

I am tired of only surviving and being strong. I want to live & thrive, and I need to admit to being weak and needing help to get there.

Anyone else ever feel this way?
#MightyTogether #BipolarDepression #MentalHealth #ChronicFatigueSyndrome #ChronicPain #abusesurvivor #c -PTSD

I am struggling with flashbacks and nightmares. I need some grounding techniques to help me. Please let me know what techniques work for you. #major depressive disorder #c PTSD #Anxiety #suicidal ideation

I’ve never been a part of something like this and it’s amazing seeing people come together like this.
You can call me Lo and I first met my abuser December 12th of 2009. The red flags were very visible after a month, it started with spats over who I talk to and escalated into physical violence. We broke up multiple times because he wanted “a break”, when I finally would be over him he would come crawling back begging for another chance. This relationship was eight years on and off. I moved out of my hometown, he came and visited on the weekends. Then on January 12th 2013 I took a pregnancy test. I have been free since August of 2017, and have been coparenting with my abuser for six years. He is a good Dad, and has a healthier relationship with his girlfriend than he had with me. I know he tells me he is a completely different person than he was, but he still terrifies me which triggers me. I dont know, there’s a lot that has happened since I met my abuser and it’s all a learning curve. #c -PTSD

Monday I have my graduation ceremony from Drug Court even though I completed the program in January. I'm wanting to look fabulous; Dress, haircut and style. My issue is my right ankle suffered a severe sprain back in July and isn't healing. I'm picking up a new ankle brace tomorrow so that may decide my plans. Does anyone know where I can find stylish supportive flat dress shoes. I have been on the internet for a good while and found zilch. I guess I could go with a stylish blouse and pants set. Another thing is that the color for Drug Recovery Domestic Violence Survivors are both purple. Any help will be greatly appreciated. My last resort is wear a nice outfit and dye my hair purple.

That was what I thought of first. I was glad when I found out Drug recovery and DV were the same color. I would have embarrassed my daughter if I had one side of my head one color and the other side something else. #MentalHealth #Addiction #ChronicPain #c -PTSD

Has anyone in America lived in a prefabricated home/double wide trailer/manufactured home? (I’m not sure if they have them in other countries, but if they do, please share your experience too!)
I need to buy a house. But I might only be able to afford one of these type of homes.
Have any of you Mighty disabled folks bought one? What was your experience like? Do you regret it? How is it specifically with regards to disability and illness? Also any insight with regards to mold? I have mold toxicity and am extra sensitive.

#MultipleChemicalSensitivity
#ADHD
#Anxiety
#FoodAllergies
#Gastroparesis
#Migraine
#PosturalOrthostaticTachycardiaSyndrome
#LymeDisease
#Autism
#ADHDInGirls
#SensoryProcessingDisorder
#EhlersDanlosSyndrome
#MastCellActivationDisorder
#ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder
#PTSD
#c -PTSD
#rejection sensitivity dysphoria
#Depression
#Trauma
#Loneliness
#Asthma
#ChronicIllness
#Disability

I had been flashback free for close to 6 months. Yes I might feel like one was coming but I could rethink my brain and it wouldn't come about. I hope that makes since. A couple months ago I started having them on occasion but with new triggers. Pain I found out will bring them. Not good for someone who deals with pain 24/7. Just different degrees of it. Last night my best friend and lover picked me up so I could stay with him for a couple days and he could massage all my sore muscles from spring cleaning my daughter's home while they were gone on vacation. I'm use to let's say my lower back and feet hurting, or shin splints. But when my thighs don't want to support me cause I over worked the muscles with the basement stairs, my feet hurt, carpal tunnel in both hands/arms have me in tears a couple times a day, my entire back hurts, my left shoulder aches, left ankle was swollen and left hip and knee hurt. That's too much for anyone to deal with. I was fine until 5-10 minutes into my legs and feet being massaged. I have never had one from being touched in that way. So he stopped. But I continued to have flashbacks that my reactions were strong. Yelling, pushing him away, saying get off me, crying. He helped me get control of my head back within a few minutes but this went on for about a hour +. I know between my body and my head, I've been saying I don't know how much more I can handle. I'm not suicidal. I know that I say I can't handle anything else, but like always I will push forward and telling myself, the sun will come up in the morning bringing a new day that will be better. I don't think, quit lieing to yourself. Mornings lately my back seizes up while I'm sleeping and I can barely move when I wake up. Because I always try to find a positive in every situation (no matter how ucked up it is) I remind myself that I should be grateful that I'm still able to feel the pain. Some people have lost feelings in parts of their body. Ex. my uncle got in a motorcycle accident and was paralyzed from waist down. I am very grateful and blessed for every day I'm able to still use my legs.

WOW! Sorry for the rant. Didn't realize I needed to get all that out. As always, thank you for reading this and I pray for blessings on each and everyone of you. #ChronicIllnessEDS #ChronicPain #c -PTSD #PTSD #MentalHealth

THIS MIGHT GET LONG

I haven't been on in a week or little more. I love all the encouragement here, and at the same time can't handle hearing others issues. Makes me feel like an azz cause he I am venting. My head is kinda messed up again and my flashbacks are back. I went to my daughter's yesterday to watch my youngest two grandsons. Actually my daughter offered to pick me up so I didn't have to walk the half mile in the heat. When I asked about my oldest grandson she informed me that he was several hours away but coming back that day as he had a severe breakdown and had to get inpatient treatment. Bipolar and Sciz (never could spell that word); my ex-husband has the first and my middle child has both. I have major anxiety and depression. She asked me not to tell anyone as it wasn't announced to outside their household. When I first heard it was like getting punched in the gut. Had to fight my head in convincing myself I was a good parent. My sons first time in inpatient he was eight. What I didn't understand until around 5 years later was that he heard voices (at very young age) that told him to hurt or ki** people. I had to learn to read his body language, moods, tone of voice and think three steps in front of him to prevent any violent outbursts. He went through trial and error will a multitude of medications before the proper cocktail was found. But he had numerous meds that he had adverse reactions to. Ranging from hand tremors, eye twitching, weight gain and seizures to name a few. He's in his middle twenties now, able to not be on any medication and is doing well. Yet he hates me for all the placements "I" put him in. Of around ten, I asked his doctor only once to please place him as I needed a break. The other times either his doctor or the school was persistent that he needed more help than what I could give. I explained to him that "his behavior is what sent him each time I had to take him. All I did was sign the paperwork. Back then I was afraid if I hadn't taken him for the help I know he needed that the school or doctors could have him taken from my care.
So now my grandson is facing the same hard road. My daughter also has more milder Bipolar yet is in denial. From what my daughter told me was that her and her wife had gotten into a huge disagreement/fight and my oldest grandson lost it. My daughter-in-law is staying at her parents and they are leaving for a 3 night 4 day family vacation as planned. When they returned will be going into counseling for the family. My son's actually live together and last week I received several phone calls from the youngest fiance saying they were fighting will the first one saying they were close to becoming physical. I had already been on my way there but after that phone call disregarded the actual speed limit and made my own. Surprised her when I got there sooner than expected. The third call came in the midst of my severe head cold and was miserable. My oldest called and after I talked with them both over the phone I told them I am not coming as I could not safely drive, that they are both adults they need to figure it out themselves and the needed to grow the **** up.
Today I drove a friend to run some errands and he triggered me but I could control my reactions. He tells me every time I take him somewhere that he has PTSD when riding in a car. So he's saying; your speeding, slow down (only once was I going more than 5 over the limit). Grabbing the handle at different times, etc. I explained that I understand PTSD and I'm actually a very good driver. When I asked where his ptsd came from, he said he didn't really know as he hadn't been in an accident unless it was when he was little and don't remember. But my ex (abuser) would constantly criticize my driving. Yelling even, and threatening. Once he made me pull over as he said I turned the corner at the light wrong and he was driving. Well, let's just say that was the second time he made me walk home.
On a lighter note, I should be getting my apartment soon. I'm praying it's this week. I will be calling the lady in the morning and asking when I'm supposed to come sign my paperwork so I can move in. I'm so tired of couch hopping. Carrying my things that I'll need for several days everywhere I go. Been doing that since end of January. As grateful as I am that I've been able to do that and not be out on the street, it's old. I'm old! Or at least my body is.
I was talking to my uncle the other day and I told him that I had written down everything I've been diagnosed with because I always forget and just tell the doctor that I've listed the major issues. But with listing my hearing loss and requiring glasses to plantar facility's to carpal tunnel syndrome to hEDS to C-PTSD I have been diagnosed with 47 different things. When I go for my yearly physical next month my doctor isn't going to be happy because I haven't gotten my mammogram or my colonoscopy done. But as I told my uncle, my head can NOT handle knowing anything else is wrong with me. I don't let any of them define who I am. Yet in some ways they do. My triggers for my flashbacks define me, as does my anxiety and pain. Everyday those 3 I deal with 24/7. I'm like trust me I know I have medical issues, major non life threatening one. Even if I did take those tests and they found something wrong, I don't know that I would take measures in trying to make things better.
Every year for the past 45 years I had been diagnosed with something new because my body is slowly deteriorating. This past year, I've gotten 4 new diagnosises. When I asked my uncle if he had seen where I gave his birthday wishes he said yes and thanked me. Then we were talking about age and medical problems. I told him that I don't want to live to be his age (73) I'm 52 because of how my body already is. Yet I want to live and see my grandsons grow into men. It's days where I allow myself to think deeply about myself that ... it's just very depressing. I always bring myself back up to being positive.
I do apologize this is pretty long. But I thank you for allowing me to express myself and vent. I appreciate you all for reading it through. May God Bless each and everyone of you! #PTSD #c -PTSD #ChronicPain #ChronicIllnessEDS #MentalHealth #DomesticAbuseSurvivors #EmotionalAbuse