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Hitting a wall.

How many of you have had to quit school due to chronic health problems?

WARNING ⚠️ the rest of this post is lengthy!!!

I have been working on my bachelors in community health through online courses (one class at a time) for the past seven years. A few months prior to beginning my degree program I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia following a car wreck that required a neck fusion surgery. From there my chronic illness diagnoses have continued to accumulate. I now have chronic migraine, endometriosis, interstitial cystitis, chronic fatigue, degenerative disc disease, tinnitus, IBS, C-PTSD, and a long list of food and environmental allergies. I have 2 sons and 2 daughters. My youngest son (15yr) has serious ADHD. Both of my daughters (21yr & 20yr) have long lists of chronic health conditions. They live with me and probably will for their whole lives due to the impact of the disability that their issues cause. Neither girl can drive either. The oldest has Asperger’s, fibromyalgia, Ehlers Danlos, ADHD, C-PTSD, severe anxiety, depression, Eosinophilic Esophagitis, IBS, mild Ulcerative Colitis, numerous food allergies and possible Borderline Personality Disorder. The youngest has Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Dysautonomia, C-PTSD, depression, anxiety, disordered eating, restless legs, Eosinophilic Esophagitis, constant skin picking, and numerous food allergies. All three of us girls and my youngest boy has severe sleeping problems. Me and both my girls have applied for and been turned down for disability. Up until 2022 I had been a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom. At the beginning of 2022 me and my 2 girls and youngest son ( oldest son is in college and pretty much living on his own) loaded up and left my narcissistic abusive husband of 16 yrs. and began to start over in a tiny apartment in a small town with me re-entering the work force and starting a full time job in retail and officially divorcing him at the end of that year. My youngest daughter has since tried to commit suicide twice and my oldest has had several mental breaks that were extremely hard to deal with. Throughout the whole time I have continued with my school classes. Determined to finish what I started. However, my health has continued to decline from all my illnesses and the stress of my life and it is taking a toll on my cognitive abilities. I took a 8 month break from my classes but have started back recently and I’m struggling to keep up with the assignments and not learning as I know I should be. I only have 6 classes left, that will take me the next year to complete due to the schedule I’m following, but my body, mind and finances seem to be making it extremely hard for me to keep going. I’m really considering quitting, but feel like I would be a real failure if I didn’t finish it.
If you read all this……Thank you! 🙂 #ChronicFatigue
# Migraine
#c -PTSD

21 reactions 9 comments

#c -PTSD #Depression #Agoraphobia #AvoidantPersonalityDisorder #PanicAttacks #Fibromyalgia

I am not doing so good. I struggle to do anything, I have been working for just over a year part time and my mental health has kept me off work for over a month. I cannot handle any demands placed on me and the mere thought of going back to work fills me with dread. I shake, cry and have constant feelings of being under too much pressure. My depression and feelings of failure is adding to my suicidal ideation. The only reason i won’t act on this feeling is because I cannot bare the thought of hurting my loved ones. I feel so much guilt over my thoughts of resigning from my job, but believe the job I do is too demanding on my mental health. I feel so sad all the time. My doctor increased my Fluoxitine dose to 60mg per day and I am on 0.5mg Chlonozepam.

43 reactions 13 comments

Just realized it

(65f)I’ve never really thought of this word before but apathy makes a lot of sense for my life. #apathy #Bipolar #c -PTSD #Anxiety #Depression #hemiplegic migraine #Peripheral neuropathy #eating disorders…

28 reactions 18 comments

brake and gas at the same time

#c -PTSD
I wanna share with you what it feels like to live with constant pressure.
I read a description in a book, which fits perfect to what I experience; I feel enormous pressure inside - like pressing the gas pedal of a car.
But that pressure is locked inside of me - like pressing the brake pedal of a car.
I wanna let out the pressure - but am something like knocked out.

I guess if you also have C-PTSD, you know what I´m talking about.
Anyway - I´d like to hear what other Mighty members think about it.

24 reactions 6 comments

The Good and the Bad

I’m going to go to my pottery class tonight. That’s the good thing. I have to drive to get there. That’s the bad thing. I struggle with emotional flashbacks, dissociation and passive suicidal ideation while driving. 😕 I’ve started doing a driving meditation and it keeps me from panicking but it’s still very difficult.

Wish me luck! 🍀 #c -PTSD #dissociativedisorders #SuicidalIdeation #MentalHealth #Flashbacks

1 reaction 1 comment

The label “toxic”

I believe this word is harmful to the mental health community. It was coined by authors who meant well, but were coming from their own experiences in childhood that formed biases towards how they saw people with mental illness. When words like “ toxic” are used to describe someone, they are no longer seen as human, the same as the word, “evil”.

When we use humanizing words such as a “person suffering from mental illness”, a “dysfunctional family”, “poor parenting skills”, “generational trauma”, we are seeing the root of the problem, rather than blaming the victims.

This by no means is dismissing the pain and trauma someone suffered as the result of growing up in a dysfunctional family system, or excuse anyone’s poor behavior. It doesn’t invalidate anyone’s feelings either, everyone is entitled to their feelings. What it does do, is allow the individual and future generations to understand the underlying issues, so they can get the care they need to heal without stigmatizing the very illnesses they have inherited or developed as a result. Now, I know this is very hard to do, to not use these words in our vocabulary. I am guilty myself and catch myself often. When I do, I bring awareness to it and remind myself that these words are not helpful for anyone. It’s especially hard when I am really angry, or have a flashback, to not regress to labeling others and stigmatizing my own community.
Self awareness is often painful, but always enlightening and ultimately healing.

#c -PTSD

3 reactions 2 comments

Recently diagnosed with C-PTSD.

I’ve been recently diagnosed with C-PTSD. I have emotional flashbacks, anxiety, depression, visual flashbacks at any kind of medical appointment or in situations that mimic (hair dresser, massage appointment, etc.), passive suicidal ideation and dissociation.

I never realized any of this before because of constant dissociation (derealization). I had everything so locked down and frozen inside which must have been my main coping mechanism as a child. Symptoms I couldn’t explain were what took me to therapy. It took me and my therapist and 3 years to even recognize that dissociation was there since it was so pervasive, like finding a trap door at the bottom of my brain.

Since finding and opening that trap door, it’s been so hard. Panic attacks, passive suicidal ideation. The memories that were still images are starting to come back and it’s overwhelming. I have a stellar support team. I’m thinking it’s so intense now because I’m pursing healing. Trying to stay hopeful but it’s hard not to despair. I would appreciate any encouragement. #DissociationDisorders #c -PTSD #EatingDisorder #Anxiety #Depression #PTSD #SuicidalIdeation

16 reactions 3 comments

Something to ponder 😊

We have three roles here on earth: to learn, to love, and to live. When we stop learning, we start to stagnate and die. When we stop loving, we lose our sense of purpose and become self-centered. When we limit our living, we deny the world the benefits of our talents.”
– Jim Cathcart
#Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #c -PTSD #Asthma #type 2 diabetes

15 reactions 2 comments