Two months ago I had heart surgery for severe mitral stenosis, during the surgery I woke up and thinking I was back on the ward I tried to sit up only to find I was still in surgery and the surgeon still had the equipment he was using in my wrist and groin. Panicked (obviously) I started asking what was happening, why was I awake, to no avail as no one answered why I was awake. Then I was hooked up to a heart monitor and still asking what was happening no one answered me. The next thing I heard was someone telling someone else to get those big patches on my chest, asking what they were for I was still ignored. Someone said I needed more sedation and it was given to me but didn't work. Then I felt the most intense pain through my chest that made me sit bolt upright and scream like I've never screamed in my life and didn't know I could scream like it. My heart had gone into AF and while I was awake they used the defibrillator to cardiovert my heart into the correct sinus rhythm. That was all I remember before passing out. Since coming home the day after the surgery I've barely eaten, or slept properly, I've been so severely depressed and traumatised by the incident that I've been a complete cow to my husband, I've thought about disappearing and I've come so close to suicide that I was scared of myself. My life has been ruined by someone's incompetence and I don't want to be here anymore