suicidal

I coparent with my ex of 21 years marriage and I’ve just spent time with my 17 year old son. I’ve now had to leave him and come home to an empty house on Mother’s Day and all the the way home driving, in my head I just wanted to not feel these feelings of loss and pain anymore. I just don’t want to hurt. #suicidal ideation #Sadness #Loss

I would never hurt him or my 21 yr old daughter by acting on the thoughts. I just want to heal and 2 yrs later after the divorce, I still miss the family routines, my children, my home and my pets.

I’m estranged from family and I have a partner but he’s v far ( long distance) and he doesn’t really understand these feelings, even though he tries to help me talk them through. He keeps telling me we have a future ahead of us but today I just want to not be here because it hurts so much to feel.

I made a post a few days ago indicating that I felt responsible for the abuse I had starting at the age of 5 through my late 30's with different abusers. Many were kind and responded to me. My question is how did you come to the realization that it was not your fault? What steps did you go through to get past the guilt and shame?
#MajorDepression
#CPTSD
#Anxiety
#suicidal ideation

I want to update my playlist of songs to help ground myself when needed. Any suggestions of songs that you use that are helpful to you.
#major depression #ComplexPTSD #Anxiety #suicidal ideation

I am having difficulty dealing with the trauma of abuse in my past. I feel so much guilt and shame for what happened and put the responsibility on myself for not leaving the situations that were hurting me. I can't get past the thought it was my fault. My depression is daunting and I feel no sense of hope.
#majorepression #PTSD #Anxiety #suicidal ideation

I've had more insomnia & suicidal thoughts the past 2 years than I've ever had 😔

why is everybody in my life leaving me? why am I not good enough? why am I constantly pushing these people out of my life?

why do I get taken advantage of and lied to? what did I do? I really want to understand

I can't be here anymore dude. #Depression #suicidal #BipolarDisorder

I have been depressed for several months. I don't know what to think about myself or my life at this point. All i can say I am not proud. Only reason i haven't killed myself is because I am afraid of taking all my guilt with me into the afterlife, being judged and rewarded for the things I have done, and am still hoping i can turn things around and live a meaningful life. Would love to receive some feedback or make a friend. Thanks. #Depression #suicidal thoughts

#Anxiety #Selfharm #suicidal #done #Depression #Cutting #Dope #Drugs #pivitolpictures #Rage #MentalHealth #coping

I think we see pictures in our minds that make us accept where we are at and make it so that we do not do further damage.The Mentally Healthy are different, they keep their head up in bad seas and position themselves for the the waves to come. They foresee when a life event is shaping up to be something that can negatively impact their world. Then they use their intuition and lessons from a lifetime of lessons from infancy and personal experience to guard and protect their minds.

We don't do that. The situation hits us and we don't know what to do. So flight fight kicks in and here we go on a ride that won't end well.

We drop our heads and look at our feet and react from that defeated place. Eventually we calm down and move on, but I don't want it to last so long. I don't like losing my mind over something I have no control over.

I for one, don't have a picture of how I can be both in bad seas and have my head up planning a way out, so I am reaching out.

I know that a lot of us practice self harm to cope. At some point there is a picture that you are able to accept that lets you accept your lot in this life, mutilated body parts actively bleeding and all. Thats real life for some of us and I think there is a picture that comes up at the end of an episode that lets them move on.

You don't have to be as messed up as we are to weigh in. If you get it, show us the way of early catastrophe management.

I don't think that this turning point picture I am imagining makes one happy or anything like that, but it's a picture that is enough that we don't make things worse.

If I don't have a picture then I feel very exposed, unprotected, weak, and hide all that behind explosive anger. Righteous, but unbound. I regret my last episode. It was pure RAGE and while it was justified, it was not smart & I hate that feeling. Life got me, I just flew off the handle. Smart people don't do that. Mentally healthy people react in a way that suits the situation without making things worse. I want that and, as of today, I think it starts with the picture.

I want options. In this last event I saw what i have seen for years, a blank canvas. I am scared and don't know where to go with that so I came out swinging. Well, life swings back and I am not the best fighter if I am being totally honest. So here I type, literally searching the minds of the web for insight to create this picture my mind is seemingly incapable of making to date.

You can not show this shit to FaceBook - So here I am asking my fellow MENTAL HEALTH patients for a word picture or an image of what you see when you are in a bad way and your mind finally comes through for you.

Thanks.

PS - I would love if it if you read this and did not know what picture helped you transition from the bad space to the next level up. It's there for at least some of us so share your story of you have to go back there and figure it out. Even if it takes weeks it's worth the journey.

Pink Floyd's name for their fans
#Crazy #depressed #lonely #suicidal #Dysthymia #Anxiety #PTSD #chronic pain# Spondylitis #Undiagnosed immune system disorder

All these years and nothing really changes except the scenery. I'm exhausted. I'm alone. I have a new illness that doctors can't seem to diagnose but it has made it so I can't eat without being sick. I was managing until this started but after 3 months and no answers the depression is worse than its been in years. I'm not seeing the point in life anymore. I have no one. Life is simply surviving/existing and has been that way for most of my life. People say to hang on because it will get better. Will it? It has never been anything but pain and loneliness. I try so hard to find a reason to stay but I'm all out of fight. I find myself thinking a lot about the peace that can come with death. I love that idea. Peace would be so welcome. No more pain. No more fear. #Suicide #CPTSD #nomorehope