suicidal

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Community Voices

Suicidal Depression
#suicidal thoughts #Depression

In the past week, I have been dealing with an extremely dark depression. Last Friday evening, I tried to overdose. I was so methodical about what I was doing. I took an assortment of medicines. I felt no emotion while taking the pills. I was not afraid of what the outcome would be. I woke up late Saturday morning, and I thought to myself, “What a failure I am…I can’t even end my life”. I was miserable with shame, guilt and anger. I was hungover from all the medicine Saturday and Sunday. I have talked to my therapist about this, but I don’t feel much better about it. Any helpful ideas are appreciated.

9 people are talking about this
Community Voices
Community Voices

Depression post, trauma, and trying to get better

Today I’m trying to take ahold of what I can control in my life. Even though I struggle with severe #Depression and #Anxiety I try and do what I can to make my life as #normal as possible. Some days aren’t always so bad and I can function okay and pretty normally despite having #suicidal thoughts. Other times I have to remind myself it’s the little #victories are a huge win. Doing a load of laundry. Splashing my face with cold water and putting on deodorant and some perfume as just getting ready for the day. I’m just trying to take it one step at a time.

I was in some pretty bad and abusive relationships. #Drug use, #Alcohol , #DomesticViolence . My last relationship I stayed with him for so long because I felt like I was damaged goods. He gave me #herpes and I felt like my life was over. I was no longer able to be “normal”, date normally ever again. I was as good as rotten fruit, even though I only had 3 boyfriends my whole life and never had any one night stands. So I stayed, even through the manipulation, the lies, the constant verbal, emotional, and physical abuse that I was receiving daily. Why did I deserve better? Why would anyone, think anything of me besides just being damaged and just bad baggage? I didn’t deserve it, hell I was such a disappointment to myself let alone I’m sure being a disappointment to my family. I was so exhausted, so depressed, so I stayed and ignored the very obvious red flags. He even had a previous domestic charge on him from a prior relationship. He even told me in such a rage later on that he did punch her when he swore up and down he didn’t. He would constantly yell at me on my lunch breaks that I was cheating on him with my coworkers. One time when I didn’t text him back within two minutes, I was the bad guy. Getting called every name in the book, because I deserved it. He would constantly kick me, choke me, punch me in the face, spit on me, throw water on me, pull my hair, grab me so I wasn’t able to leave. Grab my phone and keys so I couldn’t call or leave on my own free will. He used to do MMA for 10+ years. One time he kicked me in my leg so hard I couldn’t walk normally for a week. He’s broken my ankle, causing me to be in crutches. Chocked me so hard the blood vessels in my eye burst. I always had bruises on my body. Yet I stayed. I wanted to die.

I never told anyone anything until I got into therapy just a few months ago. It wasn’t until my ex screamed at me for hours about how he was going to kill me, bash my head into various objects. I finally grabbed the valuables I had, my dog, and I left when he was at work.

So now I’m in a safe place, away from him. I cut off all communication. Deleted his photos and am donating or throwing out anything we shared together. However I’m stuck with these feelings of #Guilt , #Shame and #anger . I wish I wasn’t scarred from all this but I am. I wish I could date again normally but idk that’s going to take a lot of time. I want to tell him nasty things he told me to get back at him. I’m upset at myself for not leaving when I so should have. I’m trying to deal with these emotions and trauma. So anyways I’m just sitting here folding my laundry and cleaning out my closet because so far that’s what I have control over. I’m still incredibly suicidal because I feel like I can’t be normal or date normally so the future is scary. I feel better finally and I’m glad I left. I’m just now trying to get out of this flight of fight stage, trying to better myself and maybe someday in the future someone will understand. Until then I have my loving mom my dog and my lizard. Onto my next load of laundry.
#relationship

17 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Far too long...

I've been dealing with depression, anorexia, suicidal ideation, etc, for over 25 years now. The majority of my life has been spent in hospitals, institutions, and treatment centers. I've been doing ok for a little while, at least that's what everyone sees. I've been able to just numb out everything so I could be "normal" but it's getting harder. I feel I can't tell anyone and just let it happen. I'm sorry, Idk if this makes any sense. I just need it out of my head for a minute, relieve some pressure before I explode. 😢
#AnorexiaNervosa #Depression #suicidal

5 people are talking about this
Community Voices

What med combo has helped you the most?

<p>What med combo has helped you the most?</p>
2 people are talking about this
Community Voices

Betrayed and confused
#betrayed #Depression #suicidal

I'm feeling rather let down and ignored in some places recently. It appears to me that when people just have something wrong with them.

I'm also feeling let down by the mighty group in general. I feel like I'm being ignored and let down in places. People will just join and get florets of messages and love, but when people actually talk on this it's like nothing is actually going in.

It's just another social media where people can talk about their problems and not be ignored. Well thanks mighty. I thought you were different.
This really use to help me, but now I feel like no one can help me.
#depresssd as fuck #invisible #shove your hashtags up your ass.

19 people are talking about this
Community Voices
1434

I'm new here!

Hi, my name is 1434. I’m new to The Mighty and look forward to sharing my story.

#MightyTogether

#Anxiety

#Depression

#BipolarDisorder

#Fibromyalgia

#PTSD

#RheumatoidArthritis #sjogren #chronicfatige #suicidal . It's hard to put one's journey of Chronic Illness into a story, but I will try. I started ill at age 5, I had a twin who became unviable in the womb and I carry the person around with me everyday. At age 5 I remember having huge tumors on my left thigh. They tried to freeze them because they bled a lot and finally decided to take them out. Many years later my Mom told me it was a twin and what they pulled from my thigh was a mass of cells, teeth and hair. It left two very large scares and kids always tease me. I had a lot of childhood illness but with antibiotics you could solve everything. Fast forward to 35 I began having intestinal problems, I would have bouts of diarrhea that my body didn't feel until it was to late. I kept telling my Dr's and nothing was done. I finally got a referral to a Gastroenterologist who did a colonoscopy and found several polyps that is were left alone even for a week I would have 1st stage colon cancer, she got them out and followed up till I got Gastroparesis. I went again and she tested it by whatever, and when I was waking up I heard her speaking with my Husband and she told him I did have Gastroparesis and since I could not eat and was in the hospital many times, she had the gall to tell my Husband that I was going to die. Somehow I kept him from killing her right there on the spot, Again a long story short we were in the hospital again and met a Gastroenterologist who would see if he could help me . He got me to the only Dr in town that knew anything about what was happening and he tried to help. It got to the point were the only thing left to do was take out my stomach. So I ended up with no stomach and no desire to eat. Now that I have bored you to death I will just skip over the rest with a get to the rest. I believe I have been Depressed my whole life it got worse as I grew up. At last I met my husband and he helped me get the help I needed so I didn't self medicate any more. I have been with my Psychiatrist for over 25 years and he watches me very carefully and since my last suicide attempt he has my husband disperse my medication, so everything is locked up. I have a small Tribe helping me but as with my Husband I feel like such a burden, he would do anything to help me. My worries are that he is 9 years older than me, he had a sudden heart attack in December and that really scared me because as most know you become a Ghost when you have any kind of Chronic illness. Okay I have bored you long enough and I grateful to find groups like this.

2 people are talking about this
Community Voices
Community Voices

Nowhere to go from here

<p>Nowhere to go from here</p>
31 people are talking about this
Community Voices

× " Being Bullied At My Job " × #disappointment #Dissatisfaction

× " When I Frist Started Working For T. C. 《 Taco Cabana 》 ... I Was Happy And Excited....Now I'm Just Tired Of Being Yelled At For The Smallest Thing's. These Women Don't Have The Right To Constantly Verbally Abuse Me... Just Because They Are Alway's Pissed About Thier Postion's. Now They Started Talking Behind My Back...Critical About Everything I Don't Do. Like I Was Assigned To Do ¡ Tortilla's !.... And My General Manager Depends On Me More... Because These Other Women. Can't Speak English Only Spanish. And This Stresses Me Out Because I Now Have More Thing's To Do....I Take Out The Nasty Trash Everyday And Night. Clean The Restroom's...Broom × Mop The Lobby And Dinning Room Area...The Patio And Parking Lot... Plus My Job In Making Tortilla's... Now These Older Women.. Have Been Non Stop Complaining That I Need To Do The Register × Front-Line...Etc. I Expidate The Uber Driver's. And Everything That I Just Listed. I Feel Broken And Feel Worthless. These People Don't Give A Shit About My Work Ethic...As Long As They Don't Have To Lift A Finger Break A Nail. I Have Been So Nice These 5 Month's. Now I Also Have A Young Assistant Manager. Who Doesn't Like Me At All. IDK Why Nor Do I Care...But She Shouldn't Treat Employee's Like Trash. She Manage's The Night Shift With Me Another Girl × Two Men. This Girl Get's Super Mad If The Men Offer To Help Me With Some Task... Or Come Talk To Me. I Have Been Wanting To Make Friendship's. But These Employee's Are Showing Me That They Are Mean. The Only Ally I Have Is My General Manager... She Hired Me To Help Her... Mind You I Don't Talk To Anyone At My Job. I Only Ask Work Related Question's. I Have Been In A Depressed Mood Since Our Busy Cinco De Mayo Week. I Don't DeGeneres To Be Mistreated Like Trash...And Petty Bullshit. Now I Have Been Dreading Going To Work And Feel Misrable.... I Help So Much I Don't Understand People Anymore. I Have Been Made To Stay Outside For 2 Hour's By The Younger Assistant Manager... To Keep Me Away From The Men Because She Flirt's With Them 24/7. Like I Don't Care She Can Have Them And Mistreat Them Too. She Has Made Me Wait For Her 2 Hour's Just To Get Window Cleaner From Her. And Talk Bossy.... Everyone Seem's To Have A Bad Habit Of Talking Out Thier Issue's And Drama Out On Me... Now I Feel Like I Need To Quit...Or Stay Keep On Taking This Verbal Non Stop Yelling Abuse. Idk Anymore... I Have Also Have Been Having #suicidal Idealation...Thought's.. Which Has Never Happened This Much. The Stress Is Insane... Human's Need To Stop Being Mean And Rude... Your Not Going To Get Help... From Other's If You Mistreat Them All The Time... " × Sincerely, ☆ S. K. ☆ #Depression #Anxiety + Panic Attack's

50 people are talking about this