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The ‘Job Requirements’ for Being a Chronic Illness Patient

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I am a women living with an illness that turned my life upside down at 15 years old. I did not apply to be a doctor language proficient, medical textbook studying, pharmaceutical researching non-high school graduate. All for this “job” I did not apply for… a patient.

Patient Job Requirements

(Rather hefty; I can’t see them getting many applications.)

1. Be able to endure IVs to the extent where you lose count of how many; regular bruising; mild to annoying pain and mild to annoying staff.

2. Guaranteed risk of judgment and misunderstanding; must build emotional strength and endurance. Bonus skill: blocking harsh comments out.

3. Forget everything you thought you knew and start from the beginning, square one. Get ready to be thrown to the wolves (hypotheticalish, of course)

4. You must be your own advocate; minimal to no medical professionals have the knowledge to back you up.

This job will be filled with not-so-pretty, sterile smelling, cold atmosphere kind of work. You interested yet?

Education Requirements

1. Applicants may attempt to complete schooling but we will interrupt that and require you to discontinue.

2. Have the uncanny ability to speak medical jargon and set aside hours of your time to be exhausted and study medical journals and textbooks from your bed.

3. In as limited a time as possible, become in tune with your body as no other staff will have prior knowledge to assist you.

3. Learn new methods of remembering; we insist our employees have brain fog.

4. Lastly, re-read this entire page a couple of times to make sure the brain fog is… I forget where I was going with this.

Clothing Requirements

1. We are a workplace with the basis of comfort over looks. Spend minimal time and energy; we insist. We will congratulate you on any effort you manage to put in.

2. Gowns are to be worn at out-of-office meetings. We made sure they are unusual, unfashionable and don’t keep you very warm. Seek assistance to tie the back up.

3. I have no idea when or how this picture was taken and how or when the bunny filter was added.


photo of contributor wearing hospital gown with bunny ear filter

Concluding Information

This job is not for the faint of heart and will teach you an unforeseen amount about yourself and your body. You will gain strength, wisdom and perseverance. You may never choose this job but it chose you for a reason; we knew you were strong and smart and will exceed anyone’s expectations.

Don’t send in applications; we pick our employees personally.


Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome.

Image via contributor.

Originally published: September 26, 2019
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