So I’ve decided, with the help of my therapist, and support of some amazing beings (thank you, you know who you are) I am finally going to confront the person that sexually assaulted me a little over 2 years ago. I have battled with what happened back and forth in my head since it happened. Is what he did considered sexual assault (yes it is)? The sex was consensual but he didn’t use the condom I gave him, and I didn’t know until the next morning... is that sexual assault (yes it is)? I told him no 3 times before that night because WE DIDN’T HAVE PROTECTION!!! So he absolutely knew it was a non negotiable, yet he didn’t wear one and didn’t say a word until the next morning as we were both leaving my apartment so I could go to work. He actually looked at me and said “Oh, sorry I didn’t use a condom last night...”. When I came home from work I saw the condom just thrown on the floor by the side of the bed... I got sick to my stomach. He didn’t think about getting plan B, he didn’t think about the clinic and the worry, I AM THE ONE WHO WENT THROUGH ALL OF THAT. It’s terrifying because part of me believes that he really doesn’t think he did anything wrong. In the meantime, I can’t go to where he works without getting nervous or anxious so I do avoid it. He claims to be an ally for women, LGBTQ+, minorities etc but he’s obviously good at putting up a front. So many people know him and think he’s this good guy who is all of those things above. If you were a true ally for women you wouldn’t have done what you did to me, I trusted you, I’ve known you for almost 20 fucking years. If you could do that to me.... this all came to a head after he sent me a text last Saturday asking if I was going to a show that he saw my friends at. I had honestly pushed shit down until that text. I went over what I would say over and over in my head and it felt so good.

Anyway, no real point to this other than I’m doing something that’s scary, uncomfortable, and very hard. But I’m gonna do it and I’m going to feel more empowered than ever.

#SexualAssaultSurvivors #icandothis #MeToo #PTSD #MajorDepressiveDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Confrontingfear