Im stuck on a unit where there are too many self-important people. Too many here who think social distancing is a joke right now, including at least one of the nurses.
Too many patients who are blind to the current state of the world. Blind to the fact that more and more people are dying because some think even social distancing is a joke.
If one person on this unit gets sick, we are literally all going to get sick because the right precautions ate not being taken seriously. People see these precautions as an option they can refuse. Its not. It shouldn't be. Their decision not to doesn't affect just them, it affects us all.
I wish I could force these other patients to get this through their heads, but I can't, I hardly have the effort to take my own precautions seriously. I keep my distance seriously, I take washing my hands and not touching any surfaces as much as I can seriously. But I also have flaws, for example, I haven't showered in over a week. If I had the will or energy to take a shower I would, but right now im also struggling to even keep myself alive at all, and that in itself takes a lot of energy. But I also try to mostly keep myself in my room away from people.
Like I've said before,
Im not afraid to get this virus and die.
Im afraid to get this virus and live.
It may end up being just like a common cold for me, it may not, but I have chronic pain and chronic illness... a common cold for anyone with chronic issues is at minimum 10×'s worse then it would be for the average person without.
I see this virus as the huge threat that it is to humans.
It's scary.
I have wanted my decision to be resuscitated if anything were to happen to me ever, to be changed to a DNR since forever, but I'm always told im not in the right state of mind for them to feel ok enough to let me do that.
Its my life and I understand it's a big decision to make, but it's MINE to make and I should be allowed to at least have control over that. It's a decision I made a long time ago, thought about over and over and still my decision stands.
I don't want machines to keep me alive.
It's not natural.
Although many things aren't these days...
If im dying though, please, just let me die unless I beg you not to (which isn't likely).
If you saw my life's positives and negatives lost right now, you would understand a little more.

#caronavirus #convid19 #chronic#ChronicIllness #chronic#ChronicPain #Depression