My anxiety was through the roof. We were in the middle of a world-wide pandemic, I had a one-year-old, and my maternity leave was ending. My employer had called to let me know that they were implementing new rules and that I had to physically return to the office. What did this mean? Who would take care of my son while both my husband and I were working? I assumed that I would be working from home indefinitely, but I guess that was just not the case. I had so many thoughts, so many concerns. Was I risking my health and the health of my family to go back to work? Was it worth it?
I broke down. I contemplated quitting my job. I didn't want to be in a position where I had to choose between earning a living and my child's safety. I looked up all the labor laws to see if I had any rights in this situation. I had never been away from my son for more than a few hours at a time, and honestly, I just didn't know how to handle being away from him in a world where this virus was taking over.
Quitting my job wasn't an option. I had been on unpaid leave for a year, and our savings account had taken quite the hit. My husband's salary had been cut due to the pandemic, so things were tight as it is. I had to suck it up and be an adult.
We decided that the best course of action would be to send my son to daycare. He was a year old, and I think developmentally, he needed it. We had been in communication with a neighborhood #daycare since before our son was born. The plan was to send him there anyway when I went back to work, but we had put that on the back burner when #COVID19 hit. Thankfully, they were able to accommodate us on such short notice, and we secured a spot.
We did an after-hours tour of the daycare and ensured that they would be taking all the necessary precautions when it came to the kids and their safety. To be able to see where he was going to go and spend his day was helpful. We also did a trial day, where my son and I got to spend a few hours with everyone at the daycare, and we participated in snack time and outdoor playtime with the group. Seeing all the teachers playing with the kids, singing to them, teaching them, gave me a sense of comfort. They also have a "Parent's Only" Instagram account where they post stories all day of the kids. That meant that I could keep an eye on him.
Fast-forward to the night before his first day; I was a wreck. I didn't sleep. I felt unorganized. I felt like I forgot to put something important in his diaper bag.
The what-ifs were endless. Finally, we got up in the morning, got him dressed, and sent him off. I have never checked Instagram so much.
My husband was on drop-off and pick-up duty. When I got home and my son let out a giant scream of excitement, I felt so much better. He had so much fun at daycare. He was becoming more vocal, more interactive, everything you want your one-year-old to be. It was tough, but in the end I know I made the right choice for my son. I can't let my fear hold him back.
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