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When Depression Feels Like a Monster Controlling Your Brain

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I feel like so many people don’t know what depression really is and why it causes so many people to put an end to their lives. So I’m going to write about how it feels to me.

Do you know the film “Inside Out”? When I first saw that movie, I finally completely understood what depression is. It explained why I always feel the way I do.

Depression feel like there’s a little black monster inside your head controlling your brain. He controls your feelings, your thoughts, your actions. Throughout the day he whispers to you.

“You’re stupid.”

“You’re lame.”

“You’re fat.”

“No one cares about you.”

“No one will ever like you.”

“Everyone will be better off without you.”

“Just go kill yourself already!”

That’s just a small part of what he whispers to us, all day, all night, for months and months, and sometimes even years.

We fight him off sometimes, but other times his words really get to us and we start believing all the crap. It makes us cry, which only makes him attack even more, causing us to cry more… and so on.

He controls our thoughts. He forces us to think about past mistakes. He carries on talking to us negatively. He won’t leave us alone for long. Fighting him makes us so tired and exhausted. We stay in bed most of the day.

We begin to feel miserable. We’re scared to ask for help because we’re afraid of how other people will treat us due to all the stigmas around mental illness. At some point we just can’t handle it anymore. Some of us take our own lives.

So if you have a friend struggling with depression, don’t dismiss her feelings. Let her talk it out and offer her your shoulder to cry on. Many people think only professionals can help, and although that’s partly true, it’s also not. Professionals can help us sometimes, but so can you. Just by being there for us when we’re having an episode. So don’t just abandon us when things get hard. Stick with us. You may save our life without even realizing it.

If you or someone you know needs help, see our suicide prevention resources.

If you need support right now, call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

Originally published: June 24, 2016
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