I’m not having a good day- I’ve spent the last 3 hrs driving all over the place trying to not have to be in this house- I feel terrible, I am so tired, so anxious- I’m not sure if it’s adjusting to the medication, or just accepting the awful place my life is at right now, not knowing how to get out of it.. how could I have been this mentally ill all these years and never known it? I’m truly afraid to tell anyone else how I feel because I’m afraid to scare them. I’m not trying to manipulate anyone- make them think they have to do what I want so I won’t do anything stupid ... I don’t know, but I just needed to tell SOMEONE... someone who won’t panic and try to tell me I need a hospital ( even though sometimes I think I do) or worse think I’m overreacting to try to illicit sympathy, or to get something from them. I’m just hating being here- I really hate who I’m becoming- I hate my mom, I really hate her- I never realized how much I can’t stand her.. the worse thing is - I’m becoming just like her! I must’ve been such an awful person to love with all these years ...
#CheckInWithMe #dontknowwheretoturn #Canttakemuchmore #LosingMyself