emotionalstress

Well, I made it throught the week. I don't post on here very often.  I'd had a check in with my psych on Thursday, and I  mentioned I'm not sleeping well because I have nerve pain in my right arm that I'm getting PT for. He asks if I'm taking a whole tablet of ambien, and I was only taking half.  Makes sense to do more if I'm in pain.  (DUH) Last night, I took the whole tablet, and I got 11 hours of deeper sleep!   No waking up at all.  Yay!  I was getting ready to go knit with a group, and when I got in the shower, I just started crying - ugly crying, as they say.  I stayed in and let the hot water soothe me, yet, now I'm not going to go knitting.  I don'tknow why things just burst then, and I don't need to know why.  Life can  be hard, and sometimes it catches up with me.  I still can't help wondering what the trigger was.  I feel like I'm now rendered usless for the day - with my teenagers, etc.  I feel so fragile now that something started to come out.  I know I had a talk with my 23 yr old last night, about how he feels about grandma/my mom.  He's not interested in a relationship with her and I can't blame him.  I understand how he views her efforts don't seem very genuine in getting to know him.  MOre of just what 'should' happen in family relationships.  So, as I do think he put things very well, and honestly.  It still hurts me, and I don't know if I quite feel 'responsible' or if it's part of letting go that makes me hurt, or jealousy that he gets it, and  isn't going to do anything with her because he doesn't want to waste the effort.  (such intelligence and insight)  I feel stuck because she is my mom, and I've chosen to have a relationship with her, with many boundaries, even though I usually am confused or disappointed after being with her.  I wish I didn't want her affection.  IT's difficult.  
So, with all the news we've gotten this week, teen situations, and decisions I've made.  I guess it sounds like a lot.  
Now I want to think of a way tosoothe myself that won't allow guilt to take over for not being very active with the kids. I'm grateful for my husband and I still hate this. #Anxiety #emotionalstress #ChronicPain
#CheckInWithMe #familyhistory