Latest
Karma, I give up #everythinghappensforareason
I am a believer in karma.
I spend a lot of my time thinking about what I do and say before I do anything because I believe everything happens for a reason.
Everything you do and say have a bigger purpose and consequence.
If I choose to act swiftly, I feel I am punished in some way every time.
I decided to be selfish in my eyes.
I chose to ignore the world, spend some time on myself and treat myself to somethings I wanted instead of doing everything for everyone I hold close to my heart.
The world answered me with several kicks in the face.
It chose to beat me down and make me aware that it knew that I made those decisions.
Make me realize that I don’t deserve to be happy.
I didn’t deserve to give myself something nice, feel content.
Make me realize that those small decisions that I made would turn my world upside down, and make me suffer mentally, socially and physically.
The world I live in to realize what a piece of shit I was for wanting something I don’t feel I deserve or need.
I am sorry to the universe for trying to be happy beyond my means.
I am sorry for wanting to feel just a little bit of empty bliss.
I am sorry for asking for to much.
I will regret my decisions and choices as long as you want me to.
Just make the people I love not suffer for my choices and thoughts.
I will work harder to make the people around me to be happy, and not try to have happiness for myself.
Just make it better.
Make them happy.
Make their worlds blissful.
Make them have a wonderful life.
That is all I wish from you.
I give up.
I will stop trying for myself.
I will be whatever you want of me.
Just make them happy and never let them feel like I feel everyday.
Never let them feel the emptiness.
Never let them feel the wish for death. Never let them feel the world in my head, the thoughts, the pain, that I know should not be there but never goes away.
Let them feel my love and not see my pain and anguish.
Let them live happy full lives.
Let me carry it all for them.
Let me be the one who feels the darkness.
Let them have the happy and wonder.
I will live to serve the nothingness that I know is there.
I will never give into my thoughts.
I will never take my life.
Torture me so that they do not have to be and feel like me.
So that they can live in a world that forgives and treats them with love and kindness, the way I dream it should be.
Make their lives amazing. I just want them to be blind, and not know the world I do, the world I see every day through the distorted view of my eyes and thoughts.
Please.
