ExecutiveFunctionDisorder

Join the Conversation on
28 people
0 stories
3 posts
  • Explore Our Newsletters
  • What's New in
    All
    Stories
    Posts
    Videos
    Latest
    Trending
    Post

    I wish to be someone else every day...

    I'm new here... and I'm desperate. I hate being me & feeling this way. I have so many important things that need to be done... EXTREMELY important things & I just CAN'T. I can't bring myself to even open up the forms I need to fill out, I can't begin the process of washing dishes or cleaning the house. I can't even get medical help to help me get better because I "make too much" & the low income places are really rude to people. I don't even have a proper diagnosis, but I know I have ADHD, executive function disorder, & trichotillomania, along with the things that come with that (anxiety, depression, etc). I just want help...I want to be the best mom I can be for my kids and this is making it impossible. I just don't know how much longer I can deal with this/ myself on my own. I just don't even want to be me anymore. #ADHD #Trichotillomania #Anxiety #Depression #ExecutiveFunctionDisorder

    3 reactions 2 comments
    Post

    Living in a home with so many invisible illnesses.

    In my home we have a shopping list of invisible illnesses, and they are nearly impossible to manage all at once.
    The Ringleader (me) suffers from some sort of metabolic disorder that is going undiagnosed, an ongoing epileptic disorder that is going undiagnosed, C-PTSD, PMDD, Social Anxiety, Bi-Polar, Borderline Personality Disorder, Asthma, Migraines, joint pain, bulging disc's in the back, Auditory Processing Disorder, and Executive Function Disorder
    The Circus Bear (my husband) has C-PTSD, DID, Anxiety, undiagnosed arthritic joint pain in knees, right elbow, and back, Seasonal Affective Disorder, and withdraws from society as a response to Suicidal ideation, Post-Traumatic Arthritis.
    The Unicorn (daughter) has C-PTSD, fear of abandonment, Generalized Anxiety, Clinical Depression with self harm, Anorexia, and a profound sense of justice/injustice, if you betray her, are a hypocrit, or break a promise, you are dead to her.
    The Fire Drake and Ice Dragon (son) is Autistic, has severe suicidal depression, especially when bullied at school, Social Anxiety, Executive Function Disorder, C-PTSD, all negative emotions start as anger
    Finally, The Weeping Willow Dryad (mom) C-PTSD, Has endured 2 back surgeries that failed, chronic pain, Agoraphobia, Skleroderma, Raynauds, Rheumatoid Arthritis in her hands, Osteoarthritis in back and knees, Social Anxiety, Clinical Depression, and an emotional reactive disorder that has gone undiagnosed.
    As Ringleader I am in charge of making sure everyone takes their medications, at least tries to get to some sort of therapy, drive everyone to appointments, physical and mental. Know everyone's favorite foods, cycles of physical and emotional needs, understand who is feeling ill when. Get all meds for everyone from the pharmacy. Attend 90% of appointments. Get food for everyone, that they like. Listen to the complaints of every single one of them.
    When I finally speak about the negative behavior that is effecting people in the household, I get attitude.
    From screaming, to blowing the comment out of proportion.
    If I say "please stop answering people for me"
    I get "I will never talk again, you never have to hear my voice ever again"
    If I schedule a much needed test on the wrong day, I get guilty about it.
    If I say "I would have done _____"
    I am accused of telling people how they did it wrong.
    I am trying to manage my home and the people in it.
    All I really want to do is run away.
    I dream of tropical places, and travel, and being responsible only for myself.
    I feel like I am holding the whole place together, and without me no one will be able to function. This has been proven many times.
    I am so tired, so empty, burned out.
    The light I have always had is getting dimmer and dimmer, and I lost so many people because I had to protect myself from them in order to manage my home.
    I know this is all a ramble...rant, maybe none of it makes sense.
    I just needed to let it out somewhere.
    #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #BipolarDepression #ChronicDepression #Anorexia #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #FearOfAbandonment #Autism #Agoraphobia #SocialAnxiety #ExecutiveFunctionDisorder #DissociativeIdentityDisorder #PMDD #TemporalLobeEpilepsy #Epilepsy #SeasonalAffectiveDisorder #EatingDisorders #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Arthritis #Skleroderma #RaynaudsDisease #ChronicHeadaches #ChronicMigraines #InvisibleIllness

    16 reactions 2 comments
    Post
    See full photo

    I'm turning 65 next month, and just yesterday they added ASD (Autism) to my permanent medical record.

    I've written before about how I was misdiagnosed as bipolar for a few decades, and the therapies and various prescription medicines never helped me. In fact, they nearly killed me.

    In my last year on the meds, I got lithium toxicity, and was rushed to a trauma center a hundred miles from home, and spent a week in ICU. That was the autumn of 2021, and I am still recovering now in February 2023.

    Yesterday I saw my third psychiatrist in a row who told me I had never been bipoloar, but I am Autistic. This time he put it all on paper, and entered it into my medical records. I guess that means it's official. Or maybe 'I' am official? Nah. I'm still just me.

    I never had an inkling that I might be Autistic before sometime last summer, when I read a story in The Mighty by someone who found out accidentally that she was Autistic while she was having one of her children tested and assessed. When she described her life and her challenges, she sounded to me like she was describing my own life.

    From that point onward, I started reading everything that I could get my hands on about the Autism Spectrum.

    Then there were the internet tests, the books with tests, and finally talking to doctors and to Autistics.

    Eventually, I was convinced beyond any reason of a doubt that I myself was, and am Autistic. Thereafter, I brought it up with my psychiatrist, and it took off from there.

    That brings me back to yesterday, and the third psychiatrist to agree, and who added it into my medical record.

    Now if I can get my General Practitioner to remove the bipolar label from my record there, I will feel like I can finally relax a little.

    I don't have a problem with bipolar in itself. I just have a major problem with being misdiagnosed for decades and spending the bulk of my money on therapy and prescriptions that kept me physically exhausted and in a heavy mental fog for decades, and didn't help me in any way. I feel like the majority of my life was wasted.

    So to have the label removed from my records is removing a constant painful reminder of all the life that I missed in my youth and middle age.

    I am going to spend the rest of my years as a happy, grateful Autistic old dude. Peace be with you all.
    ♾️♾️♾️
    🖖

    #Autistic #actuallyautistic #audhd #ADHD #Autism #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #AutismAcceptance #Stimming #Dysgraphia #dyscalcula #pathologicaldemandavoidance #PDA #AutisticInertia #AutisticBurnout
    #EFD #ExecutiveFunctionDisorder #executivedysfunction #RejectionSensitiveDysphoria #RSD
    #ReactiveAttachmentDisorder #rad #MajorDepressiveDisorder #MDD #Dysthymia #Specialinterest
    #Hyperfocus #hypervigilant #SensoryOverstimulation #SensoryIssues #SensoryPain

    #

    13 reactions 1 comment