Tuesday I fell and had three seizures in a row. Luckily I didn’t do any damage that I’ve noticed, apart from a slight tender spot on my head.
With the help of my sister I crawled into my room and got into bed. Later that day I had another seizure. Came out of it as usual, talking and coherent.

Maybe an hour later, I was watching TV and then realised I couldn’t move. My legs and arms felt disconnected from me.
I’ve experienced leg paralysis before but not being able to move my arms was new. The more I looked at them and tried to get them to move, the heavier they felt.

My sister came up to see if I needed anything and then I realised I couldn’t speak either and all I could move was my eyes. Carrie got Mum and they came up with a way I could communicate with them. They’d ask yes and no questions and put one thumb up and the other down, then I’d look at the one stating my answer.

We decided not to ring 111 as I wasn’t in a high level of pain, I gathered this was a repercussion of the seizures and it would likely be a waste of everyone’s time as we doubted there was much they could do, unless it persisted.

It’s hard not to feel like a burden at times and this was one of those times when that feeling hit hard. My sister, Carrie, gave me my dinner and a drink. Mum and Dad were lifting me to get me into a comfortable position, lifting me on and off the commode next to my bed, Mum helped me change and Dad put tablets in my mouth followed by a straw for water.

It was a horrible feeling. It was painful and embarrassing.

Wednesday was a bit of a blur. Mum fed me my breakfast. She handled an important telephone appointment from London for me and again, somehow on her own, helped me on and off the commode. That afternoon I got the use of my hands back. They were cramped up most the time but I could pick up my own food and bottle of drink by the evening.

Today (Thursday) I’ve got much more movement in my arms, though it’s taken me a ridiculous amount of time and brain power to write this. My legs are taking my weight for a few seconds and I’m getting a couple of words together. You really do appreciate things when you haven’t had them for awhile. I’m so lucky the main symptoms only lasted 12 hours. Not being able to use my hands was very worrying and I’m so grateful that didn’t last long.

I’m not sure why it happened. What was different about the seizures or that day, or even the days leading up to it. I find with FND searching for answers often isn’t worth the thought, because I’ll come up with loads of possible reasons but never one obvious reason.

I’m still frustrated by the pain in my spine and the effort of talking but I feel lucky to be recovering from whatever just happened to me and re-charging my batteries.

I am grateful that today I managed to do some crafts and I’m grateful for being able to write this.

#FunctionalNeurologicalDisorder #Seizures #functionalseizure #Dystonia #ChronicPain