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What It's Like to Mourn the Loss of Someone I Never Met

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My mother began dating a new guy a few months ago, right as the COVID-19 pandemic began to ravage our country. She and I talk almost every day, and I began to hear a lot about this guy. How he had this thick Boston accent, talked a lot and was already referring to my sister and me as his future stepdaughters. Today, he died.

When they first started dating, I would let my mom talk a little about him and then I’d quickly change the subject to whatever topic I wanted to discuss, what was going on in my life, details about her grandkids, the current state of the pandemic. But over time, I began to realize just how important this guy was to her.

She would tell me he would drive over to her place to pick her up and take her to doctor appointments so she would not have to drive in the rain. She said he told her he wanted to marry her and spend the rest of his life with her. They would talk about all the things they would do once the pandemic passed. She even said she had shown him so many pictures of me that he would point to strangers and say, “She looks just like Amy.”

Over time we began to learn more about pandemic safety precautions, such as wearing face masks and social distancing. So, a few weeks ago, I told her they should come over, and we would socially distance in the backyard so I could meet the many lucky enough to capture my sweet mother’s heart. We never set a date, but we agreed we would make it happen soon. As I remember this today, it slices my heart into two jagged pieces because it never happened.

Like most moms, my life is super busy, so my daily phone calls with my mother are typically from the car. Ironically, this is about the only time I talk to my own two busy, grown daughters. But today, when I called my mother from my car and she answered with a monotone, “Hello,” I intuitively knew something was wrong. What came next was a story that is difficult to retell, but needs to be told.

Like the gentleman he was, today my mom’s boyfriend again drove her to a doctor’s appointment, so she did not have to drive in the rain. After, they went to his place with plans for him to quickly mow the lawn of his meticulous home, shower and take my mother to lunch. But sadly, an unexpected cardiac arrest meant they would never make it too lunch.

His was not a death due to COVID-19, but still a COVID-19 tragedy. Because of COVID-19, I never got to meet the man who fell in love with my mother amid a global pandemic. A man who also fell in love with her daughters through stories and photos. Because of COVID-19, their brief romance never involved vacations or fancy dates. The fell in love over Dunkin’ Donuts coffee and McDonald’s drive-thrus.

A banner promoting The Mighty's new Navigating Coronavirus Together group on The Mighty mobile app. The banner reads, Want to connect with others who are managing their health during the pandemic? Join Navigating Coronavirus Together now. Click to join.

I am angry with COVID-19. So angry! But, Mom, I promise you this. I will get to know this man who captured your heart. You will tell me the stories of how you fell in love with him so I can fall in love with him, too. COVID-19 may have kept me from ever meeting him in person, but it cannot keep me from getting to know what made him so special to you. I love you, Mom!

Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

Originally published: August 20, 2020
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