imdrowning

my whole life is such a lie, I just want to start over. Everytime I go to a new psycatrist, I just keep the lies and more lies, so as much as I want and NEED the help, I never get it . #imdrowning #Iwannadie

I got out of bed today. Not because I wanted too but because I need to. I basically have enough energy to get dressed and go to work. Then I come home and want to crawl back into bed. Everything irritates me. Some days it takes all I have to get out of my chair and shower. I need time off from life. I need some affection. I need someone to just sit with me, hold me and let me cry. No one at my house seems to help me. No one does any chores or cleaning or cooking. I need someone to just help me

I have bpd and anxiety. I also am bi polar. I feel the need to escape situations that are not always toxic but are toxic to me. I mean, I make more out of a situation than what’s really there. It’s part of my condition I know but, it’s just not getting better.
I need to constantly feel valued and appreciated. It’s exhausting to people who know me best. I am drowning daily. I need to take mental health days but, I am too short staffed to do it.
I need to get away for awhile and I have no money to do that. My sanity is wearing thin. I follow positive threads and blogs. I try to think positively on all accounts. But, I just need a break. #Needabreak #imdrowning

Yesterday was my birthday. All the love was wonderful. It doesn’t change my reality though. My family destroyed my career, health and future. I’m very disabled and can’t take care of myself. Stuck living with my mother, who I despise. My beloved son doesn’t want to be around me. He doesn’t understand how feallybohysically broken I am. I need multiple jokntsnreplaved from bone death . My jaw is eroded so badly the mutant bone and joint neednro be replaced and a spacer put in until they build a prosthesis. And our landlord is trying to evict us because we “cause too much trouble” (ask him to fix things.)
I don’t know what anyone can do. No one can fix these things. And I cannot live with them.
#Depression