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Every Despondent Day

Today is one of those days. You know the kind. The kind where no matter what people say, look, do cheering up is just not happening. Short of someone telling me, I won the lottery. My total take home amount after taxes is 1 billion dollars, yeah, cheering up is not in the cards. I am not sure how many others are out there who have these days. These days you feel trapped. Since my divorce, I have no car, and no official income. I live with my retired parents and unemployed brother.(I am not sure why he doesn't even try to get a job but I am sure something is wrong with his spirit. He has mental issues of his own too. So, I try to cut him some slack.) I've been applying for menial jobs just to have some stream of income, with absolutely no success. Sure, I am halfway through a data analytics course. I have been working on this for 3 months. However, that brings in no income. On days like this I feel like I have climbed halfway up the depression hole, only to discover I am still at the bottom. All of the climbing you did yesterday was around the hole, not upwards. Also, by the way, the hole gets deeper every day. On days like this, my 100 square foot room feels like a glorified prison. I know I need to cry. I know I feel like this because I am exhausted and weary of the daily wear and tear life puts on us but there is no way to activate the catharsis because I officially have no one who "gets it". I have no one who gets me. I just want someone to give me a call, tell me, "Let's go have some fun. Don't worry I will pay." I want to get you out of the house. I want to get you away from the oppressive life you live with older Christian puritanical judgmental parents and family on watch, an annoying brother who will not get off the couch and bleeding clipped wings that long to escape this mind and body. Yeah, it's one of those days you have to wait it out.

#Depression #depressed #lonely #hopeless #MentalHealth #exhausted #weary #stuck #prison #catharsis #Isolation #Judgement #Escape #Needabreak #Fun #betterdays #Divorced #single #unemployed #noincome #livingwithparents #careerchange #financialstress#waitingforbetterdays

52 reactions 18 comments

Need a break #CPTSD #PTSD #Needabreak #HighFunctioningAnxiety #Depression #mentalhealthawareness

Lately it's been too much, trying to deal with my voted, school, being in lockdown, I feel like I'm going crazy. I thought dealing with my cptsd and trying to heal would be easier, I never thought I'd open Pandora's box.
I know I should keep fighting to get better, but right now I'm not in a good place, I'm scared of people touching me, my bf has to warm me before kissing or hugging and I don't want him to feel bad, but he is very supportive towards that. I feel like my head is going a thousand miles per hour and I can't stop, it's just weird. I haven't slept in days and all my school work is piling up, don't know what to do, I'm going crazy...
any advice?


Need Some Space

Getting annoyed with my living arrangements. Unfortunately there is nothing I can do about it. This is why I am now just sitting in my car typing this...ugh! 🤦‍♀️ #Needabreak #Depression #antisocialbehaviors


Low, very low #BingeEatingDisorder #Depression

I’m getting very close to reaching the limits of what I can bear. Home is unbearable, work is unbearable, finances are at a breaking point, and I have no outlet other than alcohol and food binging. I am about to break. #Needabreak

1 comment

Needing a little help

I have bpd and anxiety. I also am bi polar. I feel the need to escape situations that are not always toxic but are toxic to me. I mean, I make more out of a situation than what’s really there. It’s part of my condition I know but, it’s just not getting better.
I need to constantly feel valued and appreciated. It’s exhausting to people who know me best. I am drowning daily. I need to take mental health days but, I am too short staffed to do it.
I need to get away for awhile and I have no money to do that. My sanity is wearing thin. I follow positive threads and blogs. I try to think positively on all accounts. But, I just need a break. #Needabreak #imdrowning



Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I'm not doing okay right now. And I just couldn't compose my thoughts. All I want to say is. I couldn't write any encouragement cause I felt like it would make me a hypocrite. Because all the encouragement, I won't believe myself. I know that others can make it through this. Like I believe in you all so much. But when it comes to me , I feel like I'm just too weak.

Stay strong. Stay safe. You'll be okay.

I promise.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Depression #lonely #okay #staysafe #Needabreak


#frustrated #Needabreak #Empathy

I’m dealing with invisible illnesses: chronic pain, migraines, anxiety, undiagnosed illnesses including most recently fatigue. I’m constantly being judged by friends and family and by my work. I’m berated daily because my illnesses are not visible. I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t want to be stuck in bed. I don’t want to miss out on life. I don’t want to break commitments. I’m hard enough on myself and when the rest of the world piles on, it feels like too much. I don’t feel like I have a safe space to talk about these things and there are only a couple of people who understand me. I’m trying to stay positive, but things have been really tough lately.