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there is an old hymn morning has broken like the first Dawn but my mind keeps saying morning has broken someone fix it

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Triggerwarning! The power of the blade

I am at the lowest point I have ever been. I've tried to fix things with the love of my life, my favourite person. But my lies and arguments have ruined it all again. And he actually wanted to come and get me. He wanted to take me 'home'.

He lives in the UK, I live in the Netherlands. We've had a long distance relationship and have been planning our future for a while. But I lied and argued on a daily basis.

On top of that I've been cutting myself a lot lately. My mental health has never been this bad and now he wants nothing to do with me again. I started smoking again. Even though I promised I wouldn't. I have wasted my money and now I have nothing left.

I'm currently staying at a shelter, which costs me €6,00 a day. And I can't pay for that. So I have asked for help to get in a better financial position. I don't see a way out anymore. I wanted to be with him and I ruined it all.

I've basically destroyed my own future. Because I have no idea how to get financially and mentally stable whilst I have nothing and no one anymore. I would love to get back to work, but I just can't. Besides, who would hire someone who's arm is covered in fresh cuts!? For the past days I've been cutting myself daily. It feels like it's an addiction. The pain gives me a relief. It almost feels good.

Someone told me today to keep breathing and that everything will be alright. But all I can think about is that I don't want to be breathing anymore. I'd rather be 6 feet under the ground.

As a figure of speech, I've already dug the whole. So it just needs to be covered with dirt. I'm so far down that I can barely see the light from above anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. I wany my partner back. I want to be with him, but he hates me. My family hates me. The friends I had hate me.

Maybe they're all right. Maybe I'm just a psycho. Maybe I am a toxic, narcissistic, abusive bully. All the while I've been bullied for almost my entire life. I hate myself... And I wish I could cut myself deeper to just end it all. I can't even count the cuts on my arm anymore...

#depressed #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Love #Family #Friends #Broken #Selfharm #Suicide #NegativeThoughts #SuicidalThoughts

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(PTSD)The Aftermath of War - Soldier Story

“When the damage is done,

the war is over,

YET Nothing is ever over,

It’s all around you.

Are you lucky to be alive?

Or too broken to continue.”

These brave soldiers,

Who fought on the front lines?

Come with stories of anguish,

Facing death with their lives.

We call them our heroes,

As they fight for what's right.

They try to be triumphant,

They do their best to survive.

I spoke to a man,

Who fought on the front line.

He told me many stories,

He told me of his change in time.

Standing trapped in endless visions,

of the sounds when they attack.

While drowning in a bloodbath,

carrying comrades on his back.

With each breath,

a smell of sulfur lingers,

visions of blood and pain.

Collecting tags among the fallen,

they did not die in vain.

Burning towns and villages,

blood-stained grounds, oh! the slaughter.

Of innocent women and children,

fathers and mothers.

Struggling with all his might,

just to keep himself alive.

As he crawls through the bloodshed,

helps to keep him in disguise.

He thinks of only good thoughts

His friends, his wife, and family.

How does one keep sane?

when a thousand deaths cover thee?

Alone, not a sound, or spoken word,

Silence is all too clear.

He Searches for his comrades,

avoiding the hidden land mines in fear.

Robbed of sleep, he grows weaker,

he's in a fragile state

His survivals seeking vengeance,

his eyes now filled with hate.

These casualties of war,

are of his fallen brothers.

Collecting tags, pictures, and letters,

to give peace to family members.

He's in a lucid dream-like state,

racing thoughts keep him awake.

For all he knows has fallen dead,

so he tries hard to be brave.

Full of courage?

To be a hero?

Yet the war has brought him only baggage.

Home is with the fallen,

as he tries his best to make it.

As most of his comrades,

came back in a casket.

He is lucky to be alive.

But there's a different head

A disturbing mindset

That builds the rage inside,

Feeling he'd be better off dead,

his fears are of reality

To be rejected by his own.

For all he knows,

is lost to the fallen war.

Many thoughts pierce his mind

Like can he walk among the living?

And not be condemned for what he has done.

The greatest acts of all his sins?

He feels far too much,

so much stress and tension.

Could it be, this paranoia,

Thinking society will reject him?

Will he be remembered for the good?

Or will it be his sins of sorrow?

or a battle fought and won

making a better tomorrow?

Will these memories ever leave him?

The war still lives on inside his mind

With all this damage,

Can he leave it behind?

Can his life start over,

as his children, they grew.

So many missed moments,

precious memories are few.

He wants to be there,

yet he doesn't understand it.

His life has changed around him,

yet his wife is so committed.

He may appear to be alive,

But it's only on the outside.

As memories come on through,

He's haunted from the inside.

Nothing has changed,

He struggles his way through.

A life that's so different,

Then what he once knew.

He finds it hard to start his day,

so he lies awake in bed.

He thinks about his brothers,

they were his family; now they're dead.

He tries to put it behind him,

but the rage builds up inside.

Hiding tears and pain,

And all his pent-up anxiety.

Alone in his thoughts,

He's not qualified for anything else.

No one can understand,

except the ones...

six feet underground.

This struggle he can't forget,

It lives inside his head.

He keeps silent,

reliving memories of bloodshed.

Nothing's ever over,

it's all around you.

is he lucky to be alive,

Or too broken to continue.

Society welcomes him

With loving open arms,

but can they help him,

take away these scars?

Nothing is ever over,

it's all far from over.

His memories turn him,

Into a monster.

Still, the worst is yet to come,

It's against the ones who love you.

Then he understands,

Why his family left too.

It all starts with a sound,

sparking off into a trigger.

Of emotional, painful memories,

that can hurt the ones that matter.

Is it worth the loss of many?

He feels lost and left behind.

Swallowed by his personal torment,

can he ever get peace of mind?

Will his war ever be over,

as he relives those moments of death?

Picking up the pieces every day,

battles strike inside his head.

yet all their selfless acts

kept us all safe and free.

for causes so big

for you and for me.

So, stick up for one another,

too many suffered and lost their lives.

Fighting for our country's freedom

their ultimate sacrifice.

Joanna Crazontheinside

#soldierptsd #mentalhealthmatters #PTSD #happymemorialday #Broken

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Undiagnosed (C)PTSD

How is this possible??!! I watched Peter Cottontail and when the farmer chases the bunny my chest tightens, I can't breath, the panic grasps me and I begin to cry hysterically. Yet I can't get a Mental Health professional to diagnose me with PTSD let alone C-PTSD. It is the very organization of Mental Health that is driving me to a mental breakdown and insanity. When is it ok for the 'professionals' to become our abusers, tormentors and creators of immense trauma? Am I the only one that feels this is wrong on every level!!?? How is it that it is the very Mental Health system is 'allowed' to do this to innocent victims just looking for help to ease their pains? #CPTSD #MentalHealth #Undiagnosed #insanity #despondant #Trauma #Abuse #AbuseSurvivors #DomesticAbuse #ChildAbuse #ChildhoodAbuse #EmotionalAbuse #SexualAbuseSurvivors #I may look alive #Broken

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My boyfriend broke up with me…. and I feel shattered.

It happened. And I never thought that this day would come and how hurt I will feel… he let me go because I am not independent on my own and couldn’t find a job. I tried SO hard to make it work with my art. But I am a struggling artist. He just Couldn’t take it anymore. He told me he was thinking about ending things with me for months, sleepness nights etc. I’m 28 and This was my first boyfriend and partner. We were together 4 years. I just moved back to my parents as I had nowhere else go. Unpacking mu things halfway through and I started breaking down again. I feel so broken. So useless and lost. I don’t know what to do, what to feel, where to go. I am so scared. I just want to cry and hide from the world. I feel like i am not going to make it. I feel beyond repair. I feel shattered. #breakup #heartbreak #Heartbroken #lost #hurt #useless #scared #Broken #Shattered



I'm not disabled because I'm not broken I have mental health issues I have cerebral palsy I have spinal cord injuries spinal arthritis left knee left ankle bothe feet fibromyalgia and a partridge in a pear tree you do have to watch out for them trees!

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When the dragons roar #Bipolar #BPD #Depression

Hello mighty peeps
You know that your day was a total mess, when it’s 6PM, and everything you’ve tried to do, has gone T…s up!
I call #Bipolar , #BPD , #Depression and #ADD that live in my brain, The Dragons.
Today, they woke up, and #roared like mad!
It works like this:
#the dragons spit #fiery insults at #Loved ones… and I am #helpless to stop them. I seem to be saying #Sorry a lot, for stuff I’ve not done. The worst of it for me, is feeling #helpless . Then, for some stupid reason, every single thing I attempt? #Broken ! My computer decided to stop working, the postman left my packages from an expensive online shop in another district, never to be seen again. Post office takes NO blame!?! Then before computer kicked off, I get an email from another online store’ my package was returned, and I must pay more money for a re-delivery??? The postman is on my hitlist. Everything including my voice is gone, my #mind is #roaring with #fury , #Bipolar is having such fun! And I’m about to take a chill pill, or I’m not responsible.
I hope you all have a fabulous evening

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