Sleeping on the couch, because if I get in bed I will not get back out for days.
All I want is to go to sleep and wake up when these upcoming days have past. Holidays, birthday, all of it. I can’t take the hurt and heartache I go through every time I think about all the things I have to miss out on this year. What once was my favorite time of year is now nothing but sadness and I’m over it. I’m especially over every single plan I ever even thought about making in the last ten months has just gone to hell. Three different trips. One I thought would be a sure thing after all the rest failed. The holidays not being able to be like normal don’t help.
I know I’ll get better. And then I’ll be a little sad on New Year’s Eve because of missed traditional plans. And then get better. And then do the whole cycle again around my birthday. I had such plans to make 30 a good one because it is one no one ever looks forward to. But here I am. Now ready to just skip it all and be done.
I need to get off this rollercoaster. I can’t handle it.