done

I want it all to stop. I don’t want to continue living if it means experiencing more trauma, difficulty, dealing with people, racial trauma, the long term effects of abuse, etc #Abuse

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what’s the point of carrying on. I got so out of it I declared to be researching how to get SN for death. I’m supposed to see my therapist next week and I think I’ll tell her I’m done. That she’s not helping me, that I’m over therapy, and that I just want to die. That nobody fucking understands me. Another day lived doesn’t mean it “gets better”. It means another day of trauma

Living is just trauma

#Suicide
#Trauma
#done

They say if you love them, let them go. And like most things, it’s easier said than done.

My boyfriend broke up with me today. Completely out of the blue. I had seen him yesterday and everything was going great, we had even made plans for another date. And then he sends a long message today which the TLDR of was that he wanted to break up.

The best part was this paragraph was sent after I had just had my hearing test and was told I had hearing loss. I told him that news and an hour later he breaks up with me.

The rest of the day has just consisted of breakdown after breakdown. Now I’m just drained of energy, both physically and emotionally.

I was already thinking about getting therapy when I move. I think I might have to get it sooner.

#breakup #HearingLoss #Breakdowns #breakdown #EmotionallyExhausted #exhausted #BadNews #done

#done #Irritated #worthless #silenced #lonely #alone #Overit #Suicide #dismissed #MentalHealth #illness #Ignored #invisible #Disability #Disabled

I have finally given up trying. It’s useless. The past two weeks have pushed me over the edge. I can’t take anymore. I’m in such pain. So tired of being abused. Been around long enough nothing will change. It’s too painful. #tired depressed # alone #done

All I want is to go to sleep and wake up when these upcoming days have past. Holidays, birthday, all of it. I can’t take the hurt and heartache I go through every time I think about all the things I have to miss out on this year. What once was my favorite time of year is now nothing but sadness and I’m over it. I’m especially over every single plan I ever even thought about making in the last ten months has just gone to hell. Three different trips. One I thought would be a sure thing after all the rest failed. The holidays not being able to be like normal don’t help.

I know I’ll get better. And then I’ll be a little sad on New Year’s Eve because of missed traditional plans. And then get better. And then do the whole cycle again around my birthday. I had such plans to make 30 a good one because it is one no one ever looks forward to. But here I am. Now ready to just skip it all and be done.

I need to get off this rollercoaster. I can’t handle it.

#MajorDepressiveDisorder #Depression #Motivation #done #isitover

Physically sick, so much pain, I feel like I can't go on

#Disability
#EssentialTremor
#ChronicPain
#chronicillness
#Friendlessness
#Alonewithnosupport
#alone
#Pain
#GroinStrain
#GroinPull
#NotGoodEnough
#unloveable
#inthisalone
#Upallnight
#noshame
#Lonliness
#Weak
#done
#Selfcare
#Selfesteem
#Acceptance
#inthisalone
#checkinwithfriendsonline
#CheckInWithMe
#checkinonme
#CheerMeOn
#SleepDeprivation
#hurt
#hurting
#Hurtstobealone
#hurtallover

After dealing with so much work. Overwhelmed. Feel like they just want the clients money. Leaving us overworked and under-appreciated. One of my good clients is considering leaving due to contract increase. So much I have no control of. Left blamed for the clients that are difficult and obnoxious. Yet no care for the nice ones. Now I’m going to be blamed for their decision as if I had any control over it. Feel just done. Deflated, exhausted and done. I’ve held on and fought as long as I could. I feel just done. #exhausted #done #overwelmed