Join the Conversation on
27 people
0 stories
3 posts
Explore Our Newsletters
What's New in
See full photo

#Letting go

As I watched the trees in the wind and moonlight last night I realized how many parallels there are between a tree and me. We are both deeply rooted… the tree in soil and me hopefully in God. I maybe still deeply rooted in my past, but working on it. We both bend but don’t break. The trees are bending almost to point of breaking in the wind but then then stand upright again. I bend when I am living in the past, in childhood wounds but don’t break. The trees do something I have not been able to do yet. They shed all their old leaves, stand straight , tall , proud and bare, not afraid of the future . They grow new leaves that start out as buds and blossom into lush green leaves. I have not let go of my stuff, not able to stand there tall, proud , and bare waiting for the new beliefs to take hold in my heart. There is no room for the new buds of belief because the old leaves of trauma are still hanging around.
Maybe it’s time to say screw you to old leaves , shake the tree of my life, and make room for new buds of belief to take hold and grow

See full photo

#Letting go # ruminating thoughts

So glad I saw this. I am feeling depressed after working today. Feeling helpless. A specific manager keeps on calling me out on what seems like everything I do. Standing over my shoulder or coming behind me telling me what I did wrong. I thought changing work shifts would help me get away from her but it seems like I am there the whole time she is.
I have been trying to tell myself that I did my best and that I am a human that is imperfect. It is impossible to try and meet someone else’s expectations.
It’s just hard to get not only the negative voices out of my head but also the voice of my managers corrections out as well. It’s double the criticism. 😥


Good evening

todays progress: spent 4 hours going through crap in the garage. it was hard to purge and let things go that i had all the good intentions in the world to use or build upon or accomplish goals and aspirations. life has changed drastically since those good intentions were conceived. I'm hoping someday, I'll be able to revisit those aspirations but at this point in life, the anxiety of trying to store or save them for a future point is more than i want in my life. theres still more to purge but today was enough i guess. #Letting go #BipolarDepression

my day was ok. the garage purge caused feelings of anxiety to be dealt with. i didn't eat. all i did was chain smoke and drink coffee. the very things that bring us comfort also cause us harm in large doses. took xanax to keep it in check. being at home with my son is lonely during the day. thankfully, he is very bright and creative. he draws and plays with lego's all day. i am
too much for myself to handle sometimes. its a full time
job keeping symptoms and triggers in check. having the roles reversed in my home is difficult for me to accept but it is what it is. we prayed together this evening, asking God to provide the right job for me and for him to strengthen us in this very emotional and trying season of our lives. I have an interview this Thursday, we prayed in advance for peace and clarity of mind to do well in the interview. #GodInTheMidstOfSuffering

my wife is weary and emotional today. She's beginning to understand why i came home all these years and didn't have much left to give after the demands of work all day. i feel guilty that part of this is due to the stress of my unemployment. She is also just saddened to see her husband feel like he has no purpose. She saw me work and move up in the corporate world over the past 12 years and now, I'm applying and cold calling for jobs and doing interviews. We had a financial plan all these years that once she started working, we'd really be accelerating in life. Now that plan has changed. We are both struggling to accept this. I struggle to do what she does effortlessly at home(laundry, meals, being a wonderful mom ) because i've been so 2 dimensional (work and bills) its not that i cant do laundry or make meals but its not as pressing when you feel like a loser.

anyways...if anyone has any encouragement...im all ears. thanks for reading.