Loneliness

The truth is buried for them.I will beable to resolve with time but there is no true resolving this.I know enough to understand they fcked up, so bad that they are backtracking daily now.I hate that for them.For anyone they involved.Why choose to live that way?You choose to set yourself up, to add to it, day after day.I have expressed myself, enough.I am exploring whos her, who has been plotting and whos next, for him to munipulate and turn to.If he feels he has to have a seperate life, his friends, his family, that is, irreversible now.im not running back to people who hurt and ridiculed me, at my lowest. I am rebuilding my self,on my own, alone and my core memories aren't trainable, a negotiation or faked.it is disgusting how others have perceived me and I understand the difference in support, advocacy and coersive control.I am ashamed for them, I have humbled myself for them.I was never given the truth so the hypocrisy shines.I am alone but not lonely. I am untouched by their attempts to hurt me, still with unbreakable nerves at this point.But, Im unstable in the reactive sense and will flip on a dime, if conditions in respect, arent cohesive.Im more aware than I appear and I resent that fact.I can use it to my advantage which I have, its call strategic, survival and life.I never, had a seat at their table and I, knew, that,always.Spoke to her about it,their leader...I acknowledged it years ago.I also confronted the other women, who cannot stay in their own lanes.I was welcomed in yours,by you.I was invited,actually groomed.So using my past to shame or retraumatize me,that is a joke,another hypocrisy shines.Your game now,I have no clue.
Why, for years,wasted, when paperwork will fix everything.I helped build this house, I got hurt, over this house, still see nothing but potential in it, this house.He hates it, hates us and hates himself.All I can do is show up, maintain the house and try to rebuild my life, a life outside this house.I will get to a point of wanting physical intimacy but even in my heart, its a no? I put myself on the line and now, nope, call it pride, but nope, I call it self respect and principles.A standard I now have. Paying the bills, is not enough.Emotional labor, unseen labor, the unknown is too much, for me.It is the standards, too low bar for me.I do deserve better, sooo much better.I deserve to know whats transpired, whats keeping him from sleeping and worried.Is he okay or not? I cant trust anything now and he wants it that way,me unstable and confused.I am no longer confused and want the truth about All of the last eighteen months.

As the snow falls outside
and we’re held inside these physical walls,
it becomes an invitation
to look at the walls we’ve built
and the ones we’ve learned to lower
just to survive.

The isolation that softened into connection.
The loneliness that found its way into friendship.
The hardness that loosened into love.
The noise that settled into peace.
The rage—
no longer everywhere,
only rising now
when it is righteous.

To have come this far
in such a short stretch of time—
to fall in love with self and others,
to feel safe,
to feel seen,
to feel whole—

that is no small thing.

It is, quietly,
a beautiful thing.

#MentalHealth #Addiction #PTSD #MightyPoets #MightyTogether

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2am here and just drinking my first cup of coffee. My sleep schedule is completely out of sync. Well they finished all the painting yesterday. Today it’s just putting all the gutters,lights and security lights back on ( shouldn’t take to long). It has Buddy out of sync as well as he’s used to be able to go out when he wants, but with all the workers here, that’s the last thing they need to deal with. Then it’s time for me to clean up the garage and shed. I live in Florida so it doesn’t get to cold like what most of you have to deal with. It’s a different kind of cold when the temps drop. Next week is going to be a rough one weather wise so stay warm. When I was younger, I used to sit and dream about owning 10 acres in the mountains and living with all that beauty that surrounds it. Not anymore though when I see all that snow and cold. But spring is right around the corner! Life Dunce, How are you doing ? You’ve weighed heavily on my mind since I read your first post. I know it’s easy to say just take the first step. In reality unfortunately it’s true. Not being motivated to go to work is hard. I’m envious as I wish I could go to work and hear other voices as my wife works and it gets kinda lonely. You become self isolated which isn’t healthy. Well signing off for now as it’s time for that 2nd cup. All of you have a Great Positive day…..David

Loveliness Anyone here to talk?