It came out of nowhere in the prime of my life, an illness - rare, prognosis unknown, would cause me much strife.
I went through the stages of grief, getting stuck in denial brought me temporary relief.
I was out of control but no one would notice, I was good at pretending I had a life of bliss.
I covered up all my pain with alcohol and trysts, food and travel - I did whatever I wished.
Reflecting on it now I had a death wish, almost elated this disease would bring me what I missed.
Peace and love were always out of reach, for those in my life didn’t know how to teach.
Now I understand the direction I was going, looking in all the wrong places without even knowing.
I’ve awaken from my unconscious slumber, now I’m living in a state of awe and wonder.
Could it be I’m grateful for my disease as it has guided me to a life I please?
# poetry