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A work in progress…

To anyone whom becomes close to me:

I need you to understand, that sometimes I may seem difficult. My traumatic experiences in life have done a number on me! Who I am today, is not who I used to be or even want to be. My feelings are easily hurt. I have a hard time with trust, I put up a wall whenever I feel slightly unsure about someone. Sometimes I fight to get out of bed. I am trying to adjust to living life without my kids close to me…and most days I struggle with understanding who I even am anymore! If you take the time to get to know me, I’m fun, loving and sarcastic! Nothing makes me happier than knowing I’ve made a difference in someone else’s day. I love wholeheartedly and firmly believe in second chances. I need honesty, I need reassurance of your intentions with me. I might even seem needy at times. If I go silent, it because I’m extremely hurt or unsure about something. I like to isolate at times but others I am too socialable. I have been known to cry easily, especially reminders of my losses. I absolutely hate that when I get angry I start to cry…. that embarrasses me! I feel it shows weakness. I need to find myself again, I crave stability and don't care to keep people around who cannot accept me for all that I am. Wishy-washy relationships only further harm my healing. I need people around me who are willing help me grow. That’s me a work in progress.#Healing #Trauma #PTSD #Anxiety

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Healing Headaches

Headaches are the most common form of pain that we experience. Headaches affect 90-99% of the population. They range from annoying to down right debilitating in our lives. The most common way we deal with this ailment is to swallow some painkillers and continue with our lives hoping the pain will disappear and leave us in peace.
Any kind of pain in our bodies is a signal, a warning sign that something is wrong and our bodies are needing help. Masking the symptoms and hoping it goes away will only perpetuate the problem.

Common causes for headaches include:
1. Trapped emotions
2. Physical trauma
3. Emotional trauma or shock
4. Misalignments
5. Toxins picked up from our water, food and environment
6. Allergies and intolerances
7. Dehydration

It is very common to have multiple causes behind headaches. When you take the time to dig deeper exploring why you are having headaches and helping your body heal the root issue the results can amazing. There are many people that had debilitating headaches, but once they cleared the cause of their headaches the pain disappeared on its own.

Do you suffer from headaches? Are your ready to get to the bottom and give your body the help it needs to heal?
I would love to help you!

#Headaches #emotioncode #bodycode #Healing #energeticrebalancing

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Healing

Three months
Days were dark
Stomach churning
Mind racing
Couldn’t even sit on my phone
Could barely breathe
Afraid to exist
Convinced everything was going to make me sick
I tried so hard
I breathed
I journaled
I checked over and over again
I asked for a pill
To take the edge off
And finally
Finally
It did
And while the little white pill
Makes me feel so much better
I can’t forget I’m the one who pulled me out of the darkness
Who pushed through then fire
And dodged the screaming bats of anxiety
I’m doing better
I’m so proud of myself
Because it was me #Healing #Anxiety

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I have a tendency to place unjust blame on myself which then leads a pervasive sense of shame. Which in turn leads to me incorrectly believing that everyone is mad at me for everything. If someone slightly changes their tone of voice for example I often think they're annoyed or even angry with me. Usually I'm wrong though. Before I realize I'm wrong I often go into an anxiety attack brought on by having my PTSD triggered or I go emotionally numb. I shut people out, even when they want to help. I become distrustful and figure that if I just keep to myself then I don't have to risk being hurt again. This vicious cycle has been occupying my life currently. I've been working really hard to tell myself that not everything bad that happens is my fault, or that not everyone is mad at me. When I think someone is mad at me I almost revert to a younger state of mind. I lock myself away because I learned early on that if I just complied then everything would be relatively okay. Even when I froze and fawned while being sexually assaulted, I had the same mindset. This mindset has followed me around for most of my life. The sexual abuse I went through as a child combined with the emotional abuse created a pervasive sense of shame and endless guilt. I typically focus on the sexual abuse because it's what is most recent in my memory. However I want to try unpacking the emotional abuse too. It sounds weird to say that I was emotionally abused as well. What does that even mean? I suppose this vicious cycle of self-hate, self-blame, anxiety and endless guilt stems from both forms of abuse. I was wondering how I could begin unpacking it. I just wish I could handle the situation better rather than having it occupy my life. I guess the first step is even realizing it happened, then naming it. I just wish it wasn't so intense sometimes.

#PTSD #ChildhoodSexualAbuse #SexualAssault #EmotionalAbuse #Trauma #Healing #struggling #NeedSupport

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Reach Out; Help is There

I did a brave thing and made a somewhat detailed post on Facebook about my recent diagnosis of bipolar disorder, even calling myself out for the alcohol abuse that went from 0-90 in a matter of months.

So many things could have been different for me, had I known about my bipolar. However, it's better to have been diagnosed late, than never at all.

If you read my last post about my suicide attempt, it was the catalyst that brought me to this now healing state I am in. I am being more gentle with myself now. I am working through my trauma and guilt and becoming a healthier version of myself, albeit slowly. Remember; slow and steady wins the race.

The post I made on Facebook has received so much positivity that it made my heart absolutely swell with love for my beautiful friends who are as relieved as I am to be in a place of hope and joy now, after they watched me self destruct the last two years since my brother took his own life. It's been hard navigating my grief, without understanding that the things that were putting up road block after road block were due to my bipolar.

My advice to you, my sincere advice, is to not hide yourself from your friends and family. They love you and want to understand you, they want to give their support. Mind you, I know there are those that do not understand, and perhaps it's time to cut those people off from having access to you for a while. Healthy boundaries are a good thing.

We've got this. Don't lose hope. Don't give up until you have the answers you need to get yourself to a better place mentally. We deserve it.

#MentalHealth #BipolarDisorder #Healing #Happiness #Support

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When moving through and away from depression, when in recovery, and in learning to manage all the new and changing for you, sharing your words provides measurable awareness. It helps you feel stronger and more confident. Saying it and making it real isn’t for who you’re telling it to, it’s about validation and witnessing who you are, and all the parts of you. You matter. #Healing #healingstories

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GriefShare...

It was brought to my attention from my therapist that she suggest I try out some GriefShare groups for my grief.

I told my therapist I was willing to give it a try. I have yet put any effort in it due to the "not knowing" part.
Not knowing how it'll be.
Not knowing of where to go.
Not knowing if it's for me due to how long it's been since I've been with grief.

I guess where I'm going with this post is, if any of you Mighties have participated in GriefShare Groups.. could you share some insights. Some tips. Some advice.

I'm wanting to give this a try!! I do.

#Anxiety #Depression #Insomnia #PTSD #Healing #Therapy #Grief #griefshare #GAD #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Migraines

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