When working in #behavioral #MentalHealth - I looked away as the Consumers would take their #Medication . Remember having a guilty feeling in the pit of my stomach, knowing that the Medication they are swallowing might be harming them, killing off their creativity, turning them into a shell of a human, wrecking the brain covertly, like a very slow #Lobotomy . I would ask them if they took their meds yet. And with great urgency they would hurry to take their medications, putting the empty cup down with a smile of accomplishment. As a Mental Health Employee, after seeing them take their pills, I felt assured that there'd be no sudden outbursts today. Whether or not the meds were permanently destroying their brain, concerned me little, except that there would likely be no outbursts, that day. So those pills, may have been eating away at their mentally ill brain, still, were a blessing, because they made my work all the easier..

Almost 20 years later, I myself am now a Mental Health Consumer, who sought out Therapy because Depression and Anxiety have finally come for me too. They keep telling me I am an over thinker. So I take my meds every day, letting them have their way with my brain and do their dirty little deeds. And I desperately desire, even sensually fantasize, receiving Electroconvulsive Therapy and also TMS Therapy, while being mandated for the rest of my life to take my Meds, attend Therapy and even receive maintenance ECT treatments, so that one day, I may not be an over thinker, any longer.

And so have signed up for TMS Therapy, am attempting to get ECT Treatments started too and hopefully after my neuropsych testing am scheduled to take later this month, they'll put me back on an antipsychotic and maybe if I'm lucky, mandate its continuous administration, via Court Order, so I don't have to feel guilty about taking it.

Were the Mental Health Consumers, 2 decades ago, already doing this? That in my professional role, I mistook them for fools believing their Meds were somehow healthy for them?! And yet, was I the fool?! Were they keenly more aware, even back then, of the necessity, to quiet down the overthinking brain we are all born with using copious amounts of Medication approved by the FDA to balance out our Serotonin levels and Neurotransmitter Actions, in not yet so clearly understood, ways? Am I overthinking this issue today? Or maybe I am just late, taking my morning 80mg Prozac?!