After a lot of discussion with my psychiatrist, we decided to switch my main antidepressant. I’m on day 2 of the new drug and tapered from my old one slowly prior to starting the new drug. This isn’t my first time switching antidepressants so I had a reasonable idea what to expect - basically feeling awful and dizzy, headachy, and nauseated as the old drug leaves my system, and then bracing for however the side effects of the new drugs decide to hit me as that ramps up. But even though i know what to expect, today has been really tough - the headachy/dizzyness is really bad. I logged off work early because of the dizzyness (luckily I have a really supportive supervisor, so I thankfully did not stress about leaving early - small merices) and then napped for a bit. When i got up and had lunch, i thought i felt okay enough to go to the grocery store (I typically grocery shop on Fridays, so i did not have a lot of food in the house) and i went. It quickly became obvious at the store that it had been a bad idea to go - i kept clutching the cart really tightly worried that i would lose my balance and i was having trouble moving around other people and their carts. They also were out of a few things i typically buy and that made me really emotional. Near the end of the trip, i teared up because they did not have any frozen bananas. When i got home, i burst into tears and sobbed for about 20 minutes. I had the presence of mind to tell myself that my reaction was so intense partly because my brain is trying to get used to the abscense of the old drug and the presence of the new drug. I took a cold bath (it’s pretty warm where i am) and then went back to bed, which is where i’ve now been for several hours. I only got up about two hours ago to feed my cats.
I hate feeling like this and even though i know it won’t last forever, I don’t know how long it will last. And of course, to top it off, i feel weak and like a loser. I know this is not true of course - i am actually pretty strong, and trying a new med is a brave thing to do - but the feeling is there nonetheless. Depression really knows how to get you wheb you’re down.