Loney

my marriage is falling apart and my husband doesn't even realize it, despite me trying to talk through our issues. His thinking is too black and white, he works 24 /7 (and not because it's needed financially, but he lovex his job ) so we have no time for each other.

After working Majority of my life, I now stay home. I loved my job but left due to a combination of a toxic Work enviroment, two kids with special needs, and my own health issues.

My daughter, nine, has ASD, SPD, Anxiety, panic disorder, migraines, and a right aortic arch.

My son, three, has ASD, SPD, developmental delay, speech delay, motor delays, epilepsy, autoimmune neutropenia, RHOBTB2 syndrome and other chromosome anomalies.

Ihave Lupus, narcolepsy type I, fibromyalgia, MDD, CPTSD, GAD, Panic disorder, asthma, and all the comorbidities (i . e. Tremor, migraines, seizures, sun sensitivity, etc. )

My best friend moved across the country and ghosted me.

The one friend who ALWAYS replies +o me, won't.

I have two sisters, both thousands of miles away.
one has two kids, one being severly disabled, and a third on the way.
The other sister also has two kids and is in a mentallabusive relationship. she also doesn't believe in mental health.
I don't want to bother them with my Problems.

my mom is great, but turns everything about her.

This was my support
team and it's fallen apart.

There is a year waitlist for therapy in my area. I tried telehealth type therapy, but my phone is a big anxiety trigger, so it was less than effective, though I still use it for med management.

so what do I do now?

I can't even talk to my husband because he says my problems are too much of a burden on him on top of work.
my narcolepsy is uncontrolled because I can't take xyrem due to my husband refusing to go to bed before 4 am, Therefor I have to get up with the kids, take the youngest to ABA, etc
Lupus was my latest diagnosis... seven years ago. He still doesn't know what it is and doesn't understand "Why it even matters if he knows or not. "

I keep getting my mental health in a good place only for it to be destroyed.

I don't know what to do. I need help.

Anyone else feel so alone sometimes they just want to scream!!!!!!

I don’t have a lot of friends but the ones I do I love very much and trust very much but Idk sometimes all I want is for one of them or someone to tell me “everything will be ok I’m here for you” , I’m the person that does that, I text them and tell them to have a good day at work or text them good morning. I think about others more than I think about my self and that lately has been a problem for me bc I’m worrying about how others feel while I sit there telling them it’s ok and I’m there and I’m just crying with real tears and everything right in front of them😒