chronic depression

So I went to Golden Corral and now I regret going. I feel like death right now. Everything just hurts, I'm nauseous, my head hurts, and I argh. I'm back where I was yesterday. #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #ChronicPain #ChronicDepression #CPTSD #Advice

I’m really struggling. I’m so burnt out at my current job and every time I try to talk to my mom who’s apart of my support team keeps shutting me down. I’ve had a number of very positive interviews lately but have been super discouraged due to being shut down repeatedly.

A little backstory. I’ve been a custodian/janitor since college. It’s actually how I was able to afford school, and then due to the pandemic I just kept finding decent paying positions in this field. However, in my most recent job I’ve had nothing but entitled people who just treat us like maids. There is a difference between a custodian and a maid believe it or not and due to this school districts attitude towards the cleaning staff I’ve reached my limit with this position and honestly just wanna start over someplace new that has nothing, and I mean nothing, to do with cleaning. I’ve also been given the smallest area of all of my coworkers so I’m constantly finishing my tasks early and have lots of downtime, despite constantly asking for more tasks or even slowing down. I’ve been pushed to my physical limit and have honestly contemplated suicide due to the lack of care in this job. They also continue to belittle us and take things away.

However all but my mom has been supportive of this self discovery. She just goes on and on about insurance. I understand and know I can’t just up and quite my job. Loads of people search for new opportunities while employed. I also really wanna go back to school for art therapy since I truthfully believe I wasn’t put on this earth to just clean but do something more meaningful with the talent I’ve been given.

Thanks for reading and letting me vent my frustration out.

#Selfharm #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalOCD #ChronicDepression #Depression #Anxiety #CheckInWithMe

Today the veil is lifting.
Fleeting moments of intense optimism and excitement.
I get to see my son get older and wow at how he’ll be.. imagining the conversations we’ll have and looking forward to all the happy memories we’ll make. It feels crazy at how positive I can feel in one moment when yesterday I could barely hold my head up. Feeling opposite ends of the spectrum so intensely within 24hours can’t be “normal” can it? It’s not. I know it’s not. But is this more than depression? Do I maybe have bipolar? I’ve read many account of people who went undiagnosed before.. Is this the bpd that I was diagnosed with in the past? I have found it so so hard to accept that one and I feel so vulnerable writing it down. Just saying depression and anxiety has always been easier.

Anyway. I’m here to say the veil is lifting and remind anyone in a similar situation (specifically my post yesterday) that the veil does lift. It always does. Even though in the moment it feels like it never will.
I’m here to remind myself also that this has just been a very very hard episode and I’ve had these episodes and periods before. It always gets better. The sun will follow the rain ✨

#Depression #RecurrentDepression #ChronicDepression #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #BPDDiagnosis #Hope #thistooshallpass #PostnatalDepression #PostpartumDepression #reminders

I'm struggling. My chonic depression has been rearing its ugly head lately. The weather has my migraines and fibro wax and waining almost as regular as the tide with pain levels that barely stay in my tolerance level. I'm pretty sure I have a sinuses infection and I screwed up at work. I've been sick with more viral colds in the past six months than in the last two years combined.
The only reason I made it through the holiday season was because just before they hit I found a sweet and crazy mutt I named Artemis Roo and I am so thankful for her presence in my life.
So as I am sitting here today I feel like I don't know how to go forward. My health is probably at an all time low since before I was diagnosed with my fibro, and now with me messing up at work and getting pulled from my highered postion to a back of the house postion has me wondering if it isn't time to cave and quit being so stubborn. Quit trying to behave like I'm a normal functioning person when I know in my heart of hearts and in my painful daily step that I simply am not and consider looking in to partial disability and moving forward with only part time work.
This mentally kills me, I never wanted my health to define but I think I've come to a point where I'm fighting so hard that I'm starting physically make myself worse which in turn is making my mental health worse, and both are making me more susceptible viral and bacterial issues.
I just don't know what to do, especially because I thought I had it all balanced, but I suppose my body is telling me otherwise.
#ChronicDepression #AnxietyDisorder #Fibromyalgia #mentallyexhusted #physicallyexhusted

Something that I started doing a few years ago that changed my life was stopping making self-depreciating jokes. It was easier to laugh at myself messing up than it was to just say I messed up (I cope with humor primarily). But I was always so mean to myself when I did it. I’d laugh about how “dumb” I was or how “thoughtless” or how “messed up” I was. But it never actually made me feel better. And it usually made the people around me uncomfortable. Now when I mess up, I turn it around. If I say something incorrect or not appropriate for the situation, it’s not “lol I’m so dumb. No thoughts. Head empty” it’s “oh dang. I should join MENSA” or if I trip or stumble it’s not “lol. I can’t even figure out walking” it’s become “I should audition for the Rockettes”.
I sometimes still slip up, but I’m not mean to myself when I mess up anymore, and it’s had a huge impact on my mental health. #Anxiety #ChronicDepression #ADHD

Well, it’s mid-week and my partner leaves on another work trip tomorrow. It’d be an understatement if I said my mental health was not-so great as of late, especially since January, especially this past week. On top of this, I think I’ve caught the common cold as well, which I know to many isn’t a big deal, but I’m also sure many would agree can exasperate your mental health struggles—especially OCD, for example. Anyway, for context: I went to the ER this week, got told I was “all good” and not admittable (to the inpatient program), literally because I told them I have no substance issues and likely because I had a psychiatrist/therapist team already (which I am incredibly grateful for, don’t get me wrong). It was, overall, a very NOT helpful experience whilst being in crisis, though long story short I had one of my healthcare practitioners intervene a few days later and I believe I will be getting into a day hospital program. Bleh. Chaotic week for a brain in chaos.
I’m not sure where I’m going with this post exactly. Maybe I needed to vent, perhaps I’d appreciate tips or even just support in the upcoming few days as I navigate life without my immediate support (my partner).
I am a 35 year old female who lives with Major Depressive Disorder, GAD, OCD, PMDD and some other fun physical ailments like hormonal migraines and sleep apnea. While I come and go from this platform, I have always enjoyed the sense of community I feel here!
#Anxiety #ChronicDepression #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Reflecting #MentalHealth #MightyTogether

I’m really struggling with the weight gain I have experienced over the past 18 months
I have put on 25kg and it is really getting me down.
My GP thinks that much of it is medication related as I take venlafaxine at a high dose and mirtazipine.
The excess weight is exacerbating my pain greatly as well as being very detrimental to my mental health.
I feel like I am stuck in a vicious cycle, but I have issues with exercising due to my fibromyalgia, facet joint arthritis and chronic fatigue.
I have an appointment with my psychiatrist next week, is it worth having him overhaul my meds to try and help me, some of the medications I’m taking have serious interaction issues that are concerning my GP.
I just don’t know what to do, and would appreciate any advice- I feel like crying every time I look in the mirror and am starting to retreat into myself again