chronic depression

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chronic depression
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    Finding life in a spooning world

    I'm struggling. My chonic depression has been rearing its ugly head lately. The weather has my migraines and fibro wax and waining almost as regular as the tide with pain levels that barely stay in my tolerance level. I'm pretty sure I have a sinuses infection and I screwed up at work. I've been sick with more viral colds in the past six months than in the last two years combined.
    The only reason I made it through the holiday season was because just before they hit I found a sweet and crazy mutt I named Artemis Roo and I am so thankful for her presence in my life.
    So as I am sitting here today I feel like I don't know how to go forward. My health is probably at an all time low since before I was diagnosed with my fibro, and now with me messing up at work and getting pulled from my highered postion to a back of the house postion has me wondering if it isn't time to cave and quit being so stubborn. Quit trying to behave like I'm a normal functioning person when I know in my heart of hearts and in my painful daily step that I simply am not and consider looking in to partial disability and moving forward with only part time work.
    This mentally kills me, I never wanted my health to define but I think I've come to a point where I'm fighting so hard that I'm starting physically make myself worse which in turn is making my mental health worse, and both are making me more susceptible viral and bacterial issues.
    I just don't know what to do, especially because I thought I had it all balanced, but I suppose my body is telling me otherwise.
    #ChronicDepression #AnxietyDisorder #Fibromyalgia #mentallyexhusted #physicallyexhusted

    10 reactions 1 comment

    Self-depreciation vs. Self-aggrandizing

    Something that I started doing a few years ago that changed my life was stopping making self-depreciating jokes. It was easier to laugh at myself messing up than it was to just say I messed up (I cope with humor primarily). But I was always so mean to myself when I did it. I’d laugh about how “dumb” I was or how “thoughtless” or how “messed up” I was. But it never actually made me feel better. And it usually made the people around me uncomfortable. Now when I mess up, I turn it around. If I say something incorrect or not appropriate for the situation, it’s not “lol I’m so dumb. No thoughts. Head empty” it’s “oh dang. I should join MENSA” or if I trip or stumble it’s not “lol. I can’t even figure out walking” it’s become “I should audition for the Rockettes”.
    I sometimes still slip up, but I’m not mean to myself when I mess up anymore, and it’s had a huge impact on my mental health. #Anxiety #ChronicDepression #ADHD

    20 reactions 6 comments
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    Codependency and Ketamine

    A title with two (very) different topics that have both been on my mind:
    I have recently read into the less-researched ROCD or relationship obsessive-compulsive disorder and sadly find that I may have dealt with this facet of OCD (along with other obsessions/compulsions, which I’m happy to go into later if one finds interest) in my OCD battles. I think the lines between ROCD and codependent behaviors can and are very much blurred in that they share a lot of the same insecurities/need for reassurance. So I guess my question is: do you live with ROCD and/or codependent behaviors? What are your thoughts/tips for dealing with it (at their most distressing of times)?
    Second topic! Ketamine for chronic, treatment resistant depression + anxiety. No pressure at all, but if anyone has had or is undergoing this treatment and wants to share their experiences, let me know!
    Sending love and positive vibes today ❤️ #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #ROCD #Anxiety #ChronicDepression #MentalHealth #MightyTogether

    8 reactions 4 comments

    Anxious days ahead?

    Well, it’s mid-week and my partner leaves on another work trip tomorrow. It’d be an understatement if I said my mental health was not-so great as of late, especially since January, especially this past week. On top of this, I think I’ve caught the common cold as well, which I know to many isn’t a big deal, but I’m also sure many would agree can exasperate your mental health struggles—especially OCD, for example. Anyway, for context: I went to the ER this week, got told I was “all good” and not admittable (to the inpatient program), literally because I told them I have no substance issues and likely because I had a psychiatrist/therapist team already (which I am incredibly grateful for, don’t get me wrong). It was, overall, a very NOT helpful experience whilst being in crisis, though long story short I had one of my healthcare practitioners intervene a few days later and I believe I will be getting into a day hospital program. Bleh. Chaotic week for a brain in chaos.
    I’m not sure where I’m going with this post exactly. Maybe I needed to vent, perhaps I’d appreciate tips or even just support in the upcoming few days as I navigate life without my immediate support (my partner).
    I am a 35 year old female who lives with Major Depressive Disorder, GAD, OCD, PMDD and some other fun physical ailments like hormonal migraines and sleep apnea. While I come and go from this platform, I have always enjoyed the sense of community I feel here!
    #Anxiety #ChronicDepression #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Reflecting #MentalHealth #MightyTogether

    12 reactions 7 comments
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    #Fibromyalgia #ChronicDepression #Anxiety #TMS -method

    Today is my second last session in the TMS-method. My feelings are mixed: Glad I don't have be somewhere every weekday at the same time for six weeks, a little sad because I am going to miss the people in the team ( our conversations have been; interresting, funny, informative etc ), worried how the few next weeks will be. I have a schudule in

    5 reactions

    Weight gain # medication #ChronicDepression #Depression #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #ChronicPain #ess #Fibromyalgia

    I’m really struggling with the weight gain I have experienced over the past 18 months
    I have put on 25kg and it is really getting me down.
    My GP thinks that much of it is medication related as I take venlafaxine at a high dose and mirtazipine.
    The excess weight is exacerbating my pain greatly as well as being very detrimental to my mental health.
    I feel like I am stuck in a vicious cycle, but I have issues with exercising due to my fibromyalgia, facet joint arthritis and chronic fatigue.
    I have an appointment with my psychiatrist next week, is it worth having him overhaul my meds to try and help me, some of the medications I’m taking have serious interaction issues that are concerning my GP.
    I just don’t know what to do, and would appreciate any advice- I feel like crying every time I look in the mirror and am starting to retreat into myself again

    22 reactions 6 comments
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    This is definitely something I need to work on.
    #ChronicDepression #ChronicPain #Anxiety #PTSD

    26 reactions 2 comments
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    Always abandoned

    Just need somewhere safe to vent.
    I’m feeling abandoned by friends. I’m suffering through day 13 of severe covid right now and it just seems to annoy everyone. I have #PrimaryImmunodeficiency along with a few other health issues, so I tried extremely hard to avoid the virus for three years. It finally caught me. I knew I would get very sick, that’s not the surprising part.I’m just let down but the support from certain friends. People I thought would be more concerned or maybe even worried. I’m grateful for those who are, don’t get me wrong. Just still hurts. This is truly just a highlight upon what’s already been an existing fault line in friendships where I’m ignored. I’m the lesser friend because I’m “always ill” or can’t keep up. I can’t go biking or canoeing so I’m just not invited. During the pandemic spike I couldn’t leave my home so I was just left out… occasionally sent a photo of friends together tagged #wishyouhere .
    They don’t understand how much it hurts to grieve a life you cannot live. Friends who just leave you behind like garbage. But then again, even the garbage gets to go out once a week.
    #CommonVariableImmuneDeficiency #RheumatoidArthritis #Fibromyalgia #ChronicDepression #Anxiety #PTSD

    20 reactions 3 comments