This Pete Davidson Meme Implies People With Childhood Trauma Aren't Worth Dating
Sometimes the news isnât as straightforward as itâs made to seem. Juliette Virzi, The Mightyâs mental health editor, explains what to keep in mind if you see this topic or similar stories in your newsfeed. This is The Mighty Takeaway.
If you havenât already heard, actress Kate Beckinsale and Saturday Night Live performer Pete Davidson locked lips at a hockey game last Sunday night. Whatâs more, they did so while sitting next to the visibly uncomfortable âQueer Eyeâ star, Antoni Porowski.
Needless to say, meme creators everywhere rejoiced after seeing the photos paparazzi snagged. And let me tell you, some choice memes were born from that awkward moment. Check out some of the greats here.
But one problematic meme has been making the rounds, prompting even Beckinsale to reply to it. The meme, created by the Instagram account @dietbroke (pictured below), says the words âMeâ over Beckinsaleâs picture and the words, âGuys with problems from childhood who I can âfixââ over Davidsonâs. The words, âWholesome guys with good paying jobs who text back and have no baggageâ superimposed over the awkward-looking Porowski.
In response to the meme, Beckinsale commented on Instagram: âAntoni is gay, if that helps clarify at all.â
But this meme is problematic on a few different levels, and itâs important to talk about why. Here are three things weâre missing when we share this meme:
1. People who have emotional wounds from childhood are worthy of love.
The idea that people with childhood baggage are âtoo much to handleâ isnât a new idea, nor is the idea that women are âlulledâ into the belief that they can âsaveâ men from their demons. And itâs certainly not the first time this theme has surfaced in a meme.
But before you jump to saying Iâm taking a joke too seriously, letâs pause and dissect this. Itâs not just any guy in this meme â itâs Pete Davidson, a man who has publicly shared about losing his father in 9/11 and how it has impacted his mental health, specifically his borderline personality disorder (BPD). This meme functions on the âjokeâ that Davidson is a prime example of being âtoo damaged to date.â
Davidson himself commented on this kind of criticism when he started dating Ariana Grande.
âi been hearing a lot of âpeople with bpd canât be in relationshipsâ talk. i just wanna let you know thatâs not true,â the comedian wrote in an Instagram story. âjust because someone has a mental illness does not mean they canât be happy and in a relationship. it also doesnât mean that person makes the relationship toxic.â
Having a mental illness or childhood baggage doesnât mean youâre âundateable.â In fact, a common lie people who have emotional baggage from childhood believe is that they are unlovable. Memes like this can reinforce that harmful narrative.
Letâs give Davidson a break. The guy has been through the wringer in the public eye recently. And to all the folks out there with childhood baggage, hear this â you are worthy of love.
2. No, we shouldnât date to âfixâ someone, butâŚ
Relationships can often be a place where people work through emotional baggage together. This doesnât mean itâs a good idea to enter into a relationship in order to âfixâ someoneâs childhood issues, but it would be silly to believe that you have to reach a level of emotional perfection before getting into a relationship. No one would be in relationships if that were the case!
While relationships arenât a replacement for working on yourself individually (in therapy for example), we canât ignore the fact that oftentimes real, healing work can be done in the context of a relationship as well. Having a mental illness or childhood baggage doesnât mean youâre âundateable.â
3. Everyone has baggage.
The meme implies that as women, our choices are âemotionally damaged person with childhood issuesâ or âwell-paid, âgood guyâ who has no baggage.â I donât know about you, but Iâve yet to meet someone with no emotional baggage at all. Itâs just part of being human, yâall.
While itâs true that many women choose partners that ask more of them than they can give, it doesnât matter who you date â everyone has baggage. Itâs never a question of, âWho do I date, perfect Antoni or troubled Pete?â Letâs stop shaming Davidson for having childhood issues (or anyone else who does!). We all have issues. Letâs treat one another with respect.
Whatâs your take? Let us know in the comments below.Â