Yesterday I didn’t want to live. Today I cleaned the litter, vacuumed upstairs & downstairs, did a load of laundry, took out the trash, & took a long shower. My mom called to check on me & my friend Sam took two hours of his day to talk about what was going on with me, empathize, catch up, & make me laugh. My kitten stole a full piece of bacon out of the cinnamon roll it was wrapped in, without wrecking or dropping the roll, or me noticing, for hours, like a little orange ninja. I found a writer who moves me, Stephanie Bennett-Henry, reading her work makes me feel less crazy. I am grateful for these small miracles and feel blessed to have bipolar instead of straight up clinical depression. My mania gives me a reprieve from the soul crushing despair of my depression, sometimes mixing with it, but anger and irritability is preferable to the agony of not wanting to live. I choose gratitude for the small miracles and I encourage all of you to look for yours. Hang on, you never know what’s right around the corner.
#Bipolar2 #SuicideOnTheBrain #Depression #Gratitude #MiracleInProgress #hanginthere