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    Well I had a manic episode yesterday night because I was just deeply bothers buy others incompetence of inganging where it is necessary and where it shouldn't for tonight I'm just left with the anxieties discourage from moving in a better light for I feel there are people who don't care that i suffer behind close doors and I am human and I will not be bullied in any kind of way as I shared a my mental illness because so I'm still trying to get out of certain situations for it does greatly effect me💔

    5 reactions 1 comment

    Lost my mind awhile ago…. Still looking for it

    Between the mania and depression…. I’m a new person every day

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    Why is my mental health a joke?

    Saw this in one of my groups today and it really resonated with how I've been feeling lately.

    I'm so tired of my mental illness being a scape goat for people who are just having a bad day. It's the reason we still aren't taking it seriously in any field of profession. It's the reason it's still okay to say that a self check machine is "bipolar" or to settle down because you are acting "schizophrenic" in public and no one bats an eye. No one is filming and calling these people out. No one is trying to fix this. We all just accept it.

    If we are going to change the narrative behind mental health and how serious it is, it has to start with us. It has to start with what we allow others to say about illness and to educate others on why those phrases or words can be detrimental to growth and our health. How they make us feel less seen and more like a joke.

    Please use the correct terminology as it's important. I don't use words like depression or manic unless I actually am. I do have bad days, but I always categorized it as such. It starts with us. We have to be the change.


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    Mania or Insomnia? #BipolarDisorder

    Just woke up and it’s 3 in the morning. I take meds for sleep but for some reason I can’t sleep. I’m not experiencing all the typical symptoms of mania yet I feel wired if that makes any sense. I hope it doesn’t get worse. Or could it be insomnia? The only thing I’m afraid of is that the mania or insomnia will worsen the #PTSD and #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder . Once the PTSD gets triggered, I can go into a crying spell or experience intense emotions tied to the abuse and trauma I went through. In terms of the BPD, it can lead to black and white thinking which can make things even more difficult. So I’d like to know what exactly I’m experiencing. Perhaps it’s a combination of both. I’m not sure. Thank you for your response.
    #Abuse #AbuseSurvivors #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #Mania #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Insomnia

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    Weird Manic Symptoms

    hi! i just joined this group.

    i have bipolar disorder and i experience symptoms that i’m too afraid to tell non-bipolar people, and when i tell my therapist and psychiatrist they have never heard of them.

    anyway, 1) when i’m very manic, music that i’m used to hearing always sounds very slow. like the mania has my brain going so fast that the world and even sound around me is incapable of keeping up. do any of you experience that?

    2) i’m a lesbian, but in about 5% of the manic episodes i’ve had, i experienced attraction to certain men. but it only happens then. like not when depressed or hypomanic, and not even every time i’m manic. happens only in like 5% of my manic episodes it’s so strange

    anyway, if you can relate to any of it please let me know. it will help me feel a lot less alone. thanks #BipolarDisorder

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    SLEEP Is the most important thing for me. How about you?

    I finally got a solid 8 hours of sleep last night after 2 WEEKS of acute insomnia associated with a major depressive episode. I can't tell you how rejuvenated and refreshed and clearheaded I feel. I ate a proper breakfast and then went to the grocery store and restocked on a bunch of healthy food. Self-care is off to a good start today!

    For me, I cannot maintain mental stability without proper sleep. Insomnia is possibly the number one trigger for both mania and depression in my case -- and it's conveniently also a symptom of BOTH, so it's quite a vicious cycle at times.

    Are you like me? How critical is sleep for you?

    #MentalHealth #BipolarDisorder #Insomnia

    15 reactions 2 comments
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    Insomnia, mania, and progress.

    I just swept behind/under all the furniture, swept the living room, and steam mopped the floor at 12:30 tonight. I’ve taken my sleeping meds but they aren’t working. I’m having a manic episode tonight.

    I recently got in a new relationship that is going well. I take care of my mom, and he understands she’s part of the package deal. He’s been staying with me a lot which has made it easier to sleep, but he’s out of town tonight. I had deleted all my dating apps and gave up. Then he randomly messaged me on Facebook after not seeing him/speaking for 5 years. I met him through a mutual friend 7 years ago. At first I kept one-lining him, but he stayed persistent messaging me. I finally opened up and I’m glad I did. I got out of a crazy toxic relationship 2 years ago. This new relationship is so refreshing.

    Also, this year I’ve gained 30 lbs bc of 2 surgeries and a med change. I haven’t taken pictures of myself in forever. I finally took 2 selfies today and posted on fb. I posted one here. My new bf is helping with my confidence.

    I also opened up to my psych about being stuck in such a depressive state and she put me on a new medication. It’s working but gives me a lot of energy, so that’s fueling my insomnia a bit.

    Sorry for the randomness, but here’s to healing and getting better ❤️‍🩹 🎉

    #Insomnia #MajorDepressiveDisorder #BipolarDisorder

    19 reactions 10 comments

    Anxiety at work

    My job is taking care of 6 mentally disabled adults. Sense I am on a graveyard shift and I am now fully trained they sometimes have me working alone. This has made me so anxious. The first time I worked alone one of my clients who doesn't get around well fell. I am not strong enough to pick him up on my own. Someone had to come in to help which I had to wait an hour for them to get here. Some of my clients have siezures and just wild manic phases that cause them to act loud or aggressive. My health insurance will start up soon so I can get back on meds but for now I am just full of anxiety! Nothing I try seems to help much. I could really use some words of encouragement right now.

    12 reactions 4 comments

    Do My Friends Really Like Me?

    There have been times in my life when I thought I didn’t have a friend in the world, and my disorder was the cause of it. I was just too weird, too odd – unlovable. I didn’t fit in anywhere, with anyone.

    Actually, it started in my childhood. I had the idea that my parents only loved me because they had to – because I was their child. Ergo, if I weren’t their child, they would never love me. This was very untrue and unfair, I now realize, but I lived the early part of my life believing it.

    I had very little evidence that I could make friends. I just never seemed to get the hang of it. There were kids in the suburban neighborhood where I lived, but we didn’t form what you would call lasting friendships. As I recall, there were two sisters who tried to humiliate me with a cruel prank involving a Ouija board and tape-recorded “messages” from the beyond.

    In third grade, children threw stones at me. I had to have three stitches in my forehead. Another kid chased me around the schoolyard with a hypodermic needle that I hope was imaginary. My “best” friend in junior high school literally kicked me in the ass in front of a group of younger kids, which led to the first major meltdown that I can remember.

    Though now, looking back, high school was the time when I began to embrace my oddity. I wasn’t diagnosed yet, so I didn’t know that the depressive and manic episodes were responsible, but I was learning that there were people who would accept me regardless. I had a tight little group of three or four friends, most of whom are still my friends to this day. They taught me that lasting friendship was possible. In college, I acquired another tight little circle of friends – and one disastrous train wreck of a relationship that left me with defective coping mechanisms such as self-harm.

    Since my diagnosis, I’ve found more friends. Several have not been able to adjust to my mood disorder and have broken off contact. It hurt badly, of course, but I could see their point. When I was at my lowest point, I was not able to be a good friend to them either.

    So, how has bipolar disorder been involved in my friendships (or lack thereof)? First, with all the chaos inside my head and my constant need to deal with it, I didn’t have much energy left to find friends. When I did get close to people, I ended up pushing them away with my erratic behavior. Only a few kindred souls stuck with me.

    I suffered from imposter syndrome too. I thought that it might look like I had friends, but they would soon realize how damaged I was and leave. Or I believed that I was faking being a friend and really had no idea how to go about it.

    I ghosted people without intending to when I went into a depressive episode. If I met them when I was manicky, I might be the proverbial life of the party, entertaining with my peculiar sense of humor. The next time they saw me, though, I might be an uncommunicative, weepy lump.

    Still, there are people who have known me through the whole range of my moods and my disorder, and I am confident that they are my true friends. They really like me (shades of Sally Field!) and some even love me. I have Facebook friends that I keep in touch with regularly. They provide me a link to the outside world. I have IRL friends whom I see occasionally (we tend to live in different states). I even have a few friends nearby.

    I love my friends. Because of how hard they’ve been to come by, I value them greatly. They have stood by me. They have invited me to dinner, to their parties, and on their vacations. They have comforted me when I was down, distracted me when I was anxious, and enjoyed my company when I’ve been stable. They’ve cried on my shoulder and I have cried on theirs. They’ve bought my books. Some have even lent me money when I really, really needed it. They have become my family of choice.

    I treasure every one of my friends – especially my husband, who is my best friend. I wouldn’t be where I am today without them.

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