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My Young Daughter's Surprising Words of Comfort After My Miscarriage

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I am grateful, most of the time. I am trying, and I feel incredibly guilty because I have two beautiful, vivacious daughters I love and who love me. But every single day, a new post on social media announces a baby that is due around my due date, and lately, after it. Today I would be 15 weeks pregnant with my twins, and today also marks three weeks since I lost them.

I thought I was doing better, but my body has still not recovered (thanks to some post D&C complications) and my soul still feels broken. The emptiness and loss is real, and while I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel — there has to be — I am now in the middle of the empty darkness and my heart feels heavy.

Today was a rough day. I decided to take my 3 and a half year old out to run some errands, and I had tears in my eyes while driving. I try not to burden her with my worries, but in a moment of weakness, I blurted out “Why am I so sad?”

Without missing a beat, she said, “Mom, you gotta be patient, and you gotta be brave.” From the mouths of babes. The best advice. To what do I owe this blessing? It’s how I often feel about her and her almost two-year-old sister. I know I have a lot in my life for which to be grateful, and each one of us does. How can we focus on the good and tune out the “what could have been?” I am still searching.

I am nervous about how I will feel as my due date approaches. If you know someone who has gone through pregnancy loss, please talk to them. Talk to them about their fears, their healing, and their goals. If you have recently had a miscarriage, you do not need to suffer in silence. The pain is like no other, and life goes on all around you. Your journey matters, especially when you are in the middle of the tunnel. I am here with you, and I know one day we won’t feel this way.

Originally published: September 12, 2016
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