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To the Pregnant Loved Ones I’ve Unfollowed On Social Media

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Being pregnant can be such an exciting time in a women’s life. For many of us, we’ve been planning this moment for a while down to every detail. If you’re like me, you already have your nursery and potential names picked out. And then that day comes where you see the two lines. It’s truly an indescribable moment. It’s like you just became a member of this VIP group of other women.

From there comes a lot of the fun part when you get to decide how to tell your friends and family. You post pictures online of yourself holding your belly, and all your social media friends cheer. It’s all so exciting. I felt very blessed to be among the lucky, if only for a few weeks.

I’ll spare you the devastating details but like many other women, I had a miscarriage before the three month mark. It was the saddest I’ve ever felt in my life. I felt like a piece of my heart was ripped out of my chest. This happened a few months ago. Since then, I’ve been trying to stay optimistic about getting pregnant again. I bought another ovulation tracker and wake up at 6:30 every morning to take my Basal body temperature. And I try my best to stay hopeful and distracted.

Little things have gotten easier too. I work with children and at first, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to go back to work. Folding onesies and singing lullabies to someone else’s baby felt too painful. After a while, it got easier though. I was able to start shopping for my hope chest again, and I’ve also been able to use work as a nice distraction. But there’s one thing that has never gotten easier for me and that’s seeing other pregnant women.

For all my friends and family who are pregnant, please know I love you and I’m genuinely happy for you. But the moment you announced your pregnancy on social media, I had to stop following you. I can’t see your fun gender reveals or cute little baby bump pictures. I cannot bear to see you and your husband announce the birth. It literally kills me.

I’m currently seeking therapy so I’m hoping I can overcome this. It makes me seem selfish to feel this way and I know it would bum me out if someone felt this way about my pregnancy. But it really feels like I can’t be happy for you until I am also pregnant. And then we can jump up and down together and talk about every detail.

For any other women experiencing intense grief over the loss of your pregnancy, please know this: You don’t need to feel better or move on until you’re ready. You’ve done nothing wrong and are entitled to grieve and recover however feels right for you. Some days I eat candy until I feel sick, or I have an extra glass of wine. Other days, it feels better to be proactive and work out or eat healthier. But there’s no one way to do things.

And if you’re like me and can’t handle the sight of another pregnant women, I think that’s OK too. Just promise me you won’t try to handle this alone. It’s too much for one person. Consider talking to your spouse, seeking therapy or confiding in a friend. And if you don’t feel comfortable with that, reach out to me and share your experience. Sending you love and support.

Getty Images: vadimguzhva

Originally published: November 1, 2019
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