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#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorderBPD #BPD #newblogger [Content Warning:This post contains content that discusses mental health challenges, including experiences with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), self-hate, and emotional struggles. The narrative touches on sensitive topics that may be triggering for some readers. If you are currently facing mental health difficulties, please be mindful of your emotional well-being while reading. Consider reaching out to a mental health professional or a trusted person in your life for support. The intention of sharing these experiences is to foster understanding and connection, but your well-being is of the utmost importance.]

Hi I’m BPD && I have Katie

( that how it feels some days)

Hey there, Katie. Today, I want to share a bit about my journey. I'm 34, and let me tell you, every day is a bit of a struggle. Self-hate and unstable relationships have been constant companions in my life, and it's been tough. But you know what? Giving up isn't an option. I refuse to let these struggles define me.

I used to think that these feelings were just symptoms, but now I realize they've become more like characteristics and a hobby. It sucks, but I've come to accept that it could be worse. I remember how I felt before I was diagnosed before I discovered that the terrible thoughts I had about myself weren't right. It was a revelation to learn that I could make them stop. My mom, bless her heart, didn't quite understand mental health back then, and she was scared. She didn't know that seeking help wouldn't land me in a padded room.

I find it easier to endure physical pain than the overwhelming emotional turmoil that came with BPD. There are days when it feels like I won't make it through, but I always do. Ever wondered why? It's because having BPD turns us into superheroes. Despite the challenges, sharing, learning, and caring for others only make me stronger, gradually weakening the grip of BPD. Each day becomes a testament to the resilience that exists within us.

Now, I won't lie to you. Every day is still a struggle. But it's not as hard a fight as it used to be. I've come to terms with the fact that I may never truly be okay, and I may never fully love myself. At least I know it's not my fault. I didn't do anything wrong. I've been through a lot, and all I've ever wanted is to be repaired. I never learned how to love myself or how to find the good in each day. I missed out on the love and care I needed as a child, and it filled me with self-hate and a sense of worthlessness.

I can't sit here today and tell you that I'm cured or that I'm 50% better than I was. I don't know what else to do. I've tried therapy, medication, and even dabbled in illegal substances, but nothing seems to lift this sadness from my heart. Maybe if I share my battle and let it out, I'll finally find peace. Perhaps by unraveling the trauma and pain, I can truly let it go and forgive those who I believe ruined me and denied me a chance at happiness. I can't keep it in anymore... So here I go; I'm going to bleed my pain and open the gates of my hell. I hope you stick around and read about my battle with BPD.

Maybe if I get somebody else's feedback, somebody else's validation, I'll finally understand how I feel. Perhaps if I help somebody recognize that they're not alone in their feelings, I'll find some solace. So, that's why I'm going to keep telling my story, writing about my tough days, and exposing the realities of living with BPD. Maybe, just maybe, by doing so, I'll start to feel better.

Hope and Progress:

Throughout my journey, I've encountered moments of hope and progress. Small victories that remind me that healing is a process. While every day is still a struggle, acknowledging these moments has been crucial. I want to share these aspects of my journey to inspire others and reinforce the message that, despite the challenges, there is room for growth and positive change.

Engage with Feedback:

Your thoughts and experiences matter, and I welcome your feedback and engagement. Feel free to share your own stories, ask questions, or offer support in the comments. This space is not just about my journey; it's about creating a community where we can connect, learn from each other, and provide support. I'll be here to respond and engage in the dialogue. Together, we can navigate the complexities of living with BPD.

Hopefully, my story helps someone, and know that I am here to help and show love to everyone.