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Self-criticism and depression are frequently locked in a toxic, self-sustaining cycle. When you’re constantly beating yourself down for making mistakes, or maintaining impossibly high standards, it can have a significant impact on your emotional state and mental health. It can lead to heavy feelings of not being good enough, feeling like you're a failure, and can deplete motivation and self-worth.

The Harsh Inner Critic

In getting to know how your own inner critic can fuel depression, it's helpful to reflect on where these self-defeating patterns started. For many people, the harsh internal voice can actually bear a strong resemblance to the critical voices they heard during childhood. A parent, sibling, or even a teacher, for example. The more often you hear these critical voices, the easier it can become to internalize them and even buy into them yourself. When you internalize these messages early in life, they can become deeply ingrained in your self-perception and self-worth.

Self-criticism can sometimes develop as a way of making sense of painful experiences. If you experienced rejection or constant criticism as a child, you may have unconsciously felt that you deserved it. This can become a survival mechanism. Perhaps a part of you maintains a sense of control by thinking, “If it’s my fault, then I must be able to fix it.” This creates a “greenhouse effect” that allows depression the ideal conditions to grow.

People also can lean on self-criticism as a way of holding themselves accountable, often stemming as well from a previous critical voice. For example, "If I beat myself down for mistakes, or perceived imperfections, then I'll learn and remember next time to do it better." A false sense of accountability as most of the time the standards are too high and the hoped-for lesson isn't learned as much as it becomes the trigger point for further self-reprimanding.

This cycle of self-criticism can also serve as a form of emotional avoidance, which can at times become a strategy to avoid deeper, often painful feelings. When you focus intensely on your perceived flaws and failures, you don’t have to sit with deeper feelings of vulnerability, fear, or shame. Although destructive, self-criticism can become a way of staying emotionally preoccupied, away from deeper feelings.

The Inner Critic Is Not Your Ally

Self-criticism often feels like it’s helping you improve or that it's protecting you from failure. However, in reality, it’s usually doing something quite different. When you criticize yourself relentlessly, you’re creating an internal environment where nothing you do feels good enough. It can leave you feeling like you actually are bad, defective, worthless, or lagging behind others, setting the stage for depression and low self-esteem.

What many often don’t realize is that harsh self-criticism often develops as a defense mechanism. If you grew up in an environment where you were consistently judged, or where love felt conditional, you may have internalized that critical voice. In this sense, carrying a self-judging voice within you now becomes a way of trying to control what is out of your control. If you can criticize yourself first, you can avoid the pain of it from others.

But this protection from vulnerability, failure, and shame comes at a cost. The more you engage in self-criticism, the more you reinforce a belief that you’re fundamentally flawed or inadequate. Over time, this belief becomes deeply ingrained, and can set the stage for depression (and anxiety). In fact, on anxiety for a moment, I have found that panic attacks, and even phobias, such as fear of flying and agoraphobia, can be exacerbated by a harsh internal critic. This voice can make it difficult to experience genuine moments of satisfaction, as you may ultimately be giving more attention to where you're going wrong and are flawed rather than being in the present.

The Self-Sabotaging Feedback Loop

The connection between self-criticism and depression becomes clearer when you look at what happens emotionally. Depression often involves feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness, along with a pervasive sense that things won’t get better. Self-criticism feeds directly into these feelings.

When you repeatedly tell yourself you’re not good enough, you’re basically building a negative foundation into your mind. This creates a cycle: you feel down on yourself, which leads to more self-criticism for how bad or flawed you must be. This deepens the depression and makes you more vulnerable to harsher self-judgments. It also makes you prone to negative projections—the idea that other people are also seeing you the way you see yourself. The cycle reinforces itself.

Self-criticism is also depleting. It takes significant emotional and psychological energy to maintain this internal attack. Depression on its own already drains your energy and motivation. Adding the weight of self-judgment makes this even heavier. You may end up feeling stuck, unable to find more energy or motivation to improve, and it can reinforce a sense of hopelessness.

Reclaiming Your Worth and Voice

If you find yourself caught in cycles of harsh self-judgment alongside feelings of depression, it is possible to emerge from these states. Therapy can help you explore, understand, and work through the depths of your inner critic and develop a more compassionate relationship with yourself.

#Depression #Anxiety #MentalHealth #Phobia #phobias #Agoraphobia #fearofflying #PanicAttacks

*Trigger warning: this post discusses suicide. If you need a lifeline, call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.*

Dear Dove Cameron,

I just stumbled across an interview you did on the Call Her Daddy podcast. In the interview you talked about your parents. You said your mom was the perfect mom (by the way, if you could drop a few pointers to all of us moms who want to be just that for our kids I know I would greatly appreciate it). You also spoke to the fact that your dad was a good parent.

You mentioned there’s a reason you write songs about him and that he “wasn’t his affliction”. You said something that I thought was particularly profound and it was that you get to know him through the parts of him that you discover in yourself.

A couple weeks ago I saw another interview of yours where you described watching a movie with your fiancé. In the film one of the characters either attempted or completed suicide- I can’t quite remember the specifics- and how you felt yourself tense up in that moment.

I deduced between the two interviews that your father had passed away and I wondered what the circumstances surrounding that were although I felt like I had a pretty good idea.

Not one to assume, I did a Google search and while you can’t believe everything you see online, it appears my assumptions were, unfortunately, correct. And, I’m so sorry about that.

I went down a rabbit hole of your interviews. You’ve spoken on multiple occasions about the impact that has had on you- his daughter. I can only imagine the strength it takes and I want to thank you for talking about the hardest of things in the most public of forums.

I’m someone who contemplated suicide and in the moment I was absolutely sure that I was doing it for my husband and my kids. Not to mention alleviating any undue responsibility friends and family may have felt toward me.

I not only believed I was a burden, I knew it to be true. I could see the way shoulders dropped, lips pursed, eyes closed, breaths sighed when I was in the depths of it all. I never faulted them for that display of frustration; I could only imagine how obnoxious it was to them. I was too enveloped in darkness. I was inconsolable and unreachable.

The way you speak of your dad, how you separate who he was from his illness- how losing him in the way that you did was a traumatic experience. With your celebrity and your reach. I want you to know how healing that can be for people to hear and how healing it was for me to hear. You’re undoubtedly helping people who find themselves with similar thoughts.

I can’t speak for the masses but I want to tell you how sobering it was to hear that a parent ending their life didn’t free their child. I gathered it only heavies the burden and creates new wounds.

I am in awe at how you talk about it being difficult to navigate that kind of relationship but how much harder it is to lose them. As a mother I hesitate even putting these words into a space where my kids could potentially see them. But can I just tell you how encouraging and hopeful it is to hear how a child whose parent lost their fight can separate the disease from the parent? That you can still be a good parent and struggle? That you can see that your dad wasn’t what he battled?

That’s powerful stuff.

Stuff I wouldn’t mind my kids hearing. Perspectives I can only hope my own children adopt.

I have such a deep admiration for your advocacy. I can imagine that speaking out about trauma on multiple occasions doesn’t make the trauma any easier to discuss. I know for me it doesn’t. But somehow, through the discussions we increase our capacity and ability to speak about it. All we can do is hope that through our conversations, the impact is worth our own discomfort and I want you to know in this case…it is.

I recognize the likelihood that you, yourself, the celebrity, sees this letter is basically zero. However, I do think it’s possible that other parents who are battling depression or suicidal ideation see it.

I think it’s worth it for anyone who thinks leaving will lessen their child’s pain listen to one of your interviews and experience how that is a flawed thought process.

And to that person who sees the frustration and exhaustion on the faces of their loved ones when they say they can’t keep doing this I want to tell you one more thing:

Recently, I’ve been on the other side of it- the side where someone I love was fighting for their life and I can tell you that the fall of shoulders and the pursing of lips and closing of eyes is a guttural reaction. It’s raw and it’s real but it’s involuntary. It’s also temporary and it’s fleeting. I would and I will do anything for that person I love. For them to know that they aren’t fighting alone. That they have me every single step of the way. Even when it feels impossible. And especially then. That the world is better with them in it. That my world is better with them in it. That the darkness will pass and the pain will subside.

Whoever you are, wherever you are in your head- keep.fighting.

Keep going.

I promise you will be glad you did.

XO,

Sara #SuicidalIdeation #SuicidalThoughts #SuicideAttemptSurvivors

Putting yourself first is often misunderstood.

In clinical spaces—particularly within mental health, addiction recovery, and child welfare—we see a consistent pattern: individuals who have survived trauma, chaos, caregiving burdens, and systemic gaps are often the last to receive care themselves. When they begin to prioritize their own stability, they are labeled selfish.

They are not selfish.
They are stabilizing.

Self-Abandonment: A Trauma Pattern

Self-abandonment is common in both mental illness and substance use disorders. It can present as:

*Ignoring early warning signs of relapse

*Staying in unsafe or dysregulated relationships

*Avoiding treatment because others “need you more”

*Neglecting sleep, nutrition, and medical care

*Silencing emotional needs to prevent conflict

The Canadian Centre on Substance Use and Addiction (CCSA) identifies trauma, chronic stress, and social instability as major drivers of substance use harms in Canada (CCSA, 2023). Similarly, the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health (CAMH) emphasizes that trauma exposure significantly increases risk for both mental health disorders and substance use disorders (CAMH, 2022).

When we continuously put ourselves last, our nervous system does not regulate—it remains in survival mode. Prolonged activation of stress pathways increases vulnerability to depression, anxiety disorders, and relapse (Public Health Agency of Canada, 2020).

What once protected you may now be exhausting you.

Why Putting Yourself First Feels So Wrong

For trauma survivors, prioritizing oneself can activate guilt, shame, and fear of abandonment. From a clinical lens, this may be linked to:

*Insecure attachment patterns

*Codependency dynamics

*Learned hyper-independence

*Developmental trauma

*Internalized beliefs that worth is tied to usefulness

Trauma-informed practice teaches us that self-neglect is often adaptive. It was a strategy to maintain safety, connection, or survival.

But strategies built for survival rarely sustain recovery.

In Addiction Recovery:

Self-Preservation Is Relapse Prevention

Recovery requires regulation.
Regulation requires capacity.
Capacity requires care.

Putting yourself first in recovery may look like:

*Attending meetings instead of attending chaos

*Going to therapy consistently
Blocking triggers—even if they are people

*Taking medication as prescribed

*Choosing sleep over late-night dysregulation

*Saying “no” without over-explaining

The Statistics Canada reports ongoing substance-related harms across Canadian communities (Statistics Canada, 2023). Sustainable recovery reduces not only individual harm but intergenerational impact.

You cannot stabilize others while you are destabilizing yourself.

Mental Health Is Foundational Health

The Public Health Agency of Canada recognizes mental health as integral to overall health and well-being (PHAC, 2020). Chronic stress elevates cortisol, impairs executive functioning, disrupts sleep, and reduces impulse control—all of which increase relapse risk.

This is not a character flaw.
This is neurobiology.

Prioritizing yourself is preventative medicine.

Boundaries as Protective Factors

In child welfare practice, we speak frequently about protective factors for children. Stable caregivers. Predictable routines. Emotional regulation. Safe environments.

Why do we not apply the same framework to adults in recovery?

Boundaries reduce exposure to high-risk situations. They improve emotional regulation and reinforce self-efficacy—both critical predictors of long-term recovery outcomes (CAMH, 2022).

Boundaries are not selfish.
They are clinical interventions.

Personal Reflection

Putting myself first did not come naturally.

As someone who has worked in child welfare and walked my own recovery journey, I know what it feels like to be the strong one. The reliable one. The one who holds everything together while quietly unraveling.

For years, I confused self-sacrifice with strength.

I said yes when I meant no.

I stayed when I should have stepped back.

I minimized my exhaustion because others were “worse off.”

But healing forced a confrontation: I was abandoning myself in the name of loyalty.

And loyalty without self-respect is self-destruction.

Putting myself first meant disappointing people. It meant stepping out of chaos and into uncomfortable silence. It meant acknowledging that I deserved the same compassion I advocate for in practice.

The truth is this:

When I protect my mental health, I am a better mother.
A better clinician.
A safer presence.

Stability is not selfish.
Stability is sacred.

Clinical Reframe

Putting yourself first in mental health and addiction recovery is:

*Relapse prevention

*Trauma stabilization

*Nervous system regulation

*Protective factor development

*Intergenerational cycle disruption

This is not indulgence.
This is evidence-informed recovery practice.

Call to Action

If you are struggling:

*Identify one area where you are overextending yourself.

*Set one boundary this week

*Schedule one act of restorative self-care (not avoidance-based coping).

*Engage with professional support if available.

If you are in crisis in Canada, call or text 9-8-8 for immediate mental health and suicide crisis support.

You deserve recovery.
You deserve stability.
You deserve care.

And sometimes the most radical act of healing is choosing yourself.

BigmommaJ
#putyourselffirst #MentalHealth #Addiction

Mighty staffer @sparklywartanks was recently having an interesting conversation about the definition of “normal,” especially as it relates to managing a mental health condition. It got her thinking about how she defines “normal” and how she learned to recognize the difference between her symptoms and her true personality.

She realized that her definition of “normal” has changed over time. Ultimately, she feels it’s her relationship with self-awareness that helps guide what “normal” means to her each day.

What are your thoughts? How do you define “normal” while living with a health condition? How does your relationship with your health shape that definition?

Feel free to share your insights below! 👇💭

#MightyMinute #CheckInWithMe #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #Disability #RareDisease #MentalHealth #Anxiety #Autism #Parenting #PTSD #ADHD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #EatingDisorders #Depression #Fibromyalgia #Lupus #MultipleSclerosis #Migraine #Spoonie

Child welfare systems exist to protect children from harm. Yet for many children and families, involvement with these systems becomes another layer of trauma rather than a pathway to safety and healing. This paradox is not the result of individual failure—it is the result of systems responding to trauma without being designed to understand it.

Trauma-informed care is not an enhancement to child welfare practice. It is a foundational requirement for ethical, effective, and humane intervention.

Child Welfare Is Inherently Trauma-Exposed

The overwhelming majority of children and families involved in child welfare have experienced multiple, chronic adversities long before a report is ever made. These experiences often include:

*Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse

*Chronic neglect

*Exposure to domestic violence

*Parental substance use and untreated mental illness

*Poverty and housing instability

*Systemic racism and discrimination

*Intergenerational and historical trauma

*Separation from caregivers, siblings, culture, and community

Research consistently demonstrates that child welfare–involved populations have significantly higher Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) scores than the general population, placing them at increased risk for lifelong physical, emotional, and relational difficulties (Felitti et al., 1998; Anda et al., 2006).

Without a trauma-informed framework, child welfare systems risk responding to trauma symptoms as behavioural problems, rather than as adaptive survival responses.

Trauma Shapes Behaviour, Not Morality

Trauma alters neurodevelopment, particularly when experienced in early childhood. It impacts:

*Emotional regulation

*Stress response systems

*Attachment and trust

*Impulse control

*Cognitive processing

*Sense of safety

In child welfare contexts, these trauma responses are frequently misinterpreted as:

*Defiance

*Aggression

*Manipulation

*Non-compliance

*“Lack of insight” or “poor motivation”

A trauma-informed lens reframes the central question from:

“What’s wrong with this child or parent?”

To

“What happened to them, and what do they need to feel safe enough to change?”

This shift is not semantic—it fundamentally alters assessment, intervention, and outcomes.

System Involvement Can Re-Traumatize

Even when removal is necessary for safety, child welfare involvement is itself a potentially traumatic experience. Children often experience:

*Abrupt separation from caregivers

*Loss of routine, identity, and belonging

*Placement instability

*Repeated retelling of traumatic experiences

*Lack of voice or agency in decisions affecting their lives
Parents experience:

*Shame, fear, and grief

*Loss of autonomy and parental identity

*Heightened surveillance

*Re-activation of their own unresolved trauma

Without trauma-informed care, standard child welfare practices—court processes, compliance-based case plans, rigid timelines—can unintentionally replicate dynamics of powerlessness and control, undermining engagement and long-term safety.

Trauma-Informed Care Improves Outcomes

Evidence-informed trauma-responsive child welfare systems demonstrate:

*Greater placement stability

*Improved caregiver-child relationships

*Increased family engagement
Higher rates of successful reunification

*Reduced use of punitive or coercive practices

*Improved permanency outcomes

Trauma-informed care recognizes that regulation precedes reasoning. When people feel safe, they are neurologically capable of learning, reflecting, and changing.

Fear-based compliance may satisfy short-term system goals—but it does not create sustainable safety.

Reflection: A Child Welfare Lens

As a child welfare professional, I have seen how easily trauma is mislabeled as resistance—and how devastating that misinterpretation can be.

I have watched children punished for behaviours that were, in truth, survival strategies learned in unsafe environments. I have seen parents deemed “uncooperative” when their nervous systems were locked in fight, flight, or freeze. I have witnessed systems demand emotional regulation, insight, and compliance from people who had never been offered safety, consistency, or trust.

Trauma-informed care challenges us—not just to change how we intervene, but to examine how power is exercised within systems.

*It asks us to slow down in systems designed for speed.

*To listen in systems designed for documentation.

*To see humanity in systems trained to assess risk.

Child welfare does not operate in a vacuum. Many families enter the system already failed by mental health services, addiction supports, housing systems, education, and healthcare. By the time child welfare intervenes, the harm is rarely new—it is cumulative.

If we do not practice trauma-informed care, we become another chapter in that harm.

Trauma-Informed Care Is Also a Workforce Issue

Child welfare professionals are exposed daily to secondary trauma. Without organizational trauma-informed practice, workers experience:

*Compassion fatigue

*Burnout

*Emotional numbing

*High turnover

*Reduced decision-making capacity

A trauma-informed system must support reflective supervision, manageable caseloads, and psychological safety for staff. A dysregulated workforce cannot effectively serve dysregulated families.

Equity, Culture, and Historical Trauma

In Canada, Indigenous, Black, and racialized families are vastly overrepresented in child welfare systems. This reality cannot be separated from:

*Colonization and residential schools

*Forced child removals (e.g., the Sixties Scoop)

*Systemic racism

*Intergenerational trauma

Trauma-informed care, when paired with cultural humility and anti-oppressive practice, is essential to preventing the repetition of historical harm under modern policy frameworks.

Without this lens, child welfare risks perpetuating the very injustices it claims to address.

Call to Action

Trauma-informed care must be embedded at every level of child welfare:

*Legislation and policy

*Intake and investigation

*Court processes

*Placement decisions

*Case planning and timelines

*Permanency planning

Workforce development
Children and families do not come to child welfare because they failed.

They come because systems failed them first.

If child welfare is truly about protection, then trauma-informed care is not optional—it is an ethical obligation.

BigmommaJ
#traumainformedcare #MentalHealth #Recovery

So I don't try to hide the fact that I am polyamorous. And I realized many of you know nothing about polyamorous people and just assume it's cheating because*snort* only monogamous people are committed to their relationship.
Ok, I'm done laughing. Let's get down to the basics.
Polyamorous people can and do have any number of partners as they want or need. I currently only have my primary partner Pauley. We've been together for over a year now. I do actually have another pseudo partner... He's my long distance QPP. We've been bestest friends for about 7 years now. He's like a dad or eccentric uncle who likes krampus, furries, leather kink, and he has an odd relationship with jello molds from long ago.
Stick around for the end credits, spoilers!
Now for me it's just the most logical relationship dynamic for me and Pauley. Pauley has alexathymia. It's often found in the auDHD community but it's not everyone. Basically Pauley doesn't understand human emotions. She's emotionally stunted. She cannot read facial expressions or body language. And when I desperately need someone to love me and talk out my emotional baggage she just can't. So either I try to reach out to my platonic friends for support or I seek a secondary emotionally mature partner.
I think the heart to heart conversation I had tonight with her was...necessary but painful. We are still devoted and deeply in love with each other. But we understand there are important things I'm not getting from this relationship. Which isn't to say this relationship is bad. It's not perfect but it's mine. And I'm not perfect. And Pauley isn't perfect. And together we're 2 fucknoodges looking for that little spark that makes the edges of my sweet potato crispy.
Why should we be worried about perfection in this fucked up hellscape called America 2026. Let's all find weird little joys where we can when we are able.
Anywho.
We're life partners and that didn't change. But we both agreed I need someone else to bond with for emotional growth.
What does this mean for our future together?
Well.
If she can recover from her depression enough to bill her clients and we can live on her income without my SSI, we're gonna get legally married.
If that doesn't happen we're gonna have a pagan handfasting ceremony with my QPP giving me away at the altar.
It's gonna be a potluck because what pagan doesn't imbibe in the occasional potluck. At normal intervals pagans are like little fuck head kittens with no order and one climbed the tapestry. But pull out your fancy crockpot and here they come running.
I'm thinking about hosting a reception at the local BDSM venue. We can put all the crockpots in the eaty place and play with the stingy thuddy toys I have come to love and hate. Oh gosh being a sadomasochist is fun. Yeah I know. I'm a heathen and I'm going to hell for being in leige with the devil.
I mean yeah I'm a witch. Duh.
But I'm not interested in demons unless they know their way around my coffee. I might be interested in a student exchange program.
I'm a kitchen witch, I am a tactile healer. I cook joy, happiness, catharsis, release of negative energy, growth and enlightened understanding of the world inside of us all. I am a tarot card reader and have been for over 20 years. Unfortunately due to some past "let's see if noxs head can make dents in the plaster if we hit hard enough" courtesy my adoptive dad, I cannot memorize the cards.
So over the course of about 5 years I researched the different thought schools of tarot interpretation. I took what resonated with me and left the rest for the spirit to help others in the aether.
I need to redo my book in a hard binder.
I like dancing around flaming cauldrons while we chant to raise our vibration to reach the divine, even if it's just to say hi.
So my ceremony will be wonderful regardless of what kind of union I need. Traditional marriage just doesn't do it for me. It's rigid and steeped in rules of the church and my church is the forest. My altar is the dirt from whence arise steady noble redwoods and tiny mushrooms all with the same sunshine. My Deity has a name. She is Brigid. Celtic goddess of healing and poetry. And she loves me and protects me from harm.
I haven't celebrated my holy days in over 10 years. I plan to do little things for Brigid on my holy sabbaths this year. Mostly light candles, recite some of my own poems, and offer the wild animals some freshly made suet cakes and peanut butter pinecones covered in seeds hung from the trees. For blessed he who loves the gentle lowing animals of the world, may the comfort they have shared come upon him and his family threefold.
Blessed be.