I get so embarrassed and ashamed at how little I can regulate my emotions.

Like I make a fool out of myself constantly, it makes me feel like a 24 year old toddler.

I walked to the gym today, only to be turned away at the door because the information on the website was wrong.

A staff member kindly let me know the pool was now closing as it was a bank holiday, he wasn't mean or anything. He was so polite and sweet about it.

And I nearly CRIED! How SILLY is that!

I nearly bloody cried.

Nearly burst into tears right then and there!

Because I just suddenly SO overwhelmed because I was so frustrated, I'd walked all the way there because the website said it would be open now I had to turn around and walk all the way back.

It's a mile walk each way so it's not even far, and it was lovely weather I had no business getting emotional the way I did.

But I got so upset I actually had to quickly walk away from that guy and sit on the grass for a couple minutes doing breathing exercises. I feel so embarrassed that I'm still behaving like this.

I feel like I have a logical brain, who understands that it's really no big deal and I'll just go tomorrow.

But no matter what my mentally ill brain always overpowers those thoughts and I was just so upset. I felt so annoyed and flustered and upset.

Then of course now I feel guilty, I was nearly really rude to that guy because I got to heated so quickly.

And for WHAT! Because the gym was closed?! I actually need to get a grip!

This is what I mean is that sometimes I feel like I have to treat myself like a toddler. I had to sit myself down, calm myself down, have a drink of water before I got back up and walked home.

I know adding guilt and shame isn't going to help me at all, but sometimes I just wish my brain could ignore it's impulses.

I just wish being aware of how I am was enough to stop it, but as I said I really nearly broke down in front of that man. I cried when I got home and honestly I'm tearing up writing this! Like hello! What's the point why it's my brain doing this to me!!!! It's the GYM it's not a big deal!!!!!! Can I just be normal for one bloody second please!!!!! I beg!!!!!

#ADHD #EmotionalDysregulation #Embarrassed #outburst