EmotionalDysregulation

I had a confrontation with my dorm roommate the other night. We had an inside joke between the two of us, but I had reached the point where I no longer found the joke to be amusing anymore. I’ve made this known, with no effect; over time, my responses have turned more blunt, aggressive even. I’ve even made a few threatening statements; while I had zero intention of following through, my hope was that if he thought I would, then maybe he’d stop. Well, the other night, this reach a breaking point, and I actually literally yelled at him. He was clearly shocked, as he has yet to see me get to this point. I went to my room to cool off, and once I was sure he was back in his room, I came back out. After coming back out briefly, he said that he couldn’t wait until he was living somewhere where “he wasn’t’t physically threatened.” This statement gave me the impression that he was actually angry with me, so I left for a while to give myself — and him — some space. After a while, we did talk over the phone, and I came back to the dorm, Mountain Dew in hand as something of a peace offering . . . An olive branch, figuratively speaking. Nevertheless, I cannot shake the feeling of guilt that I’m experiencing . . . Even after he acknowledged that he’s no longer upset . . . Even after downing three shots of whiskey yesterday afternoon . . . Even after watching a movie last night at the movie theatre . . . For some reason, I cannot seem to forget what I did . . . Guess this is the disadvantage of morality and the curse of my ASD. #Autism #EmotionalDysregulation #anger #struggling #copingmechanisms

Does anyone else become paranoid and extremely anxious if they don't take care of something right away? Like for me, I like to know how much money I have and if I can't put it in the bank right away I get paranoid that I'll lose money. Or I'll be anxious until I do it. Apparently I do this with all kinds of things. Is this just another symptom of my mental illnesses or something else? #AnxietyAttack #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder In a way it is a trigger, not knowing what's next. I've never liked that. Perhaps it's just my #PTSD acting up again but I want to know how to stop. I've been over this in therapy but nothing seems to be working. Any advice is appreciated.

I have bad BPD symptoms and maybe some trauma in the past(I don't remember) and I want to be able to have a normal conversation with my husband. I am way too emotional and react whenever he says anything. I feel like I've ruined our marriage because I can't get a handle on my emotions. I don't want to ruin his life because mine is shit. What do I do?? #ihatemyself #BPD #EmotionalDysregulation

So this is my first real post/story, but I figured no time then the present. Today is just a bad bad day, emotions are all over the place. Sadness and Anger switching back and forth and my abandonment issues firing like crazy.

You see 5 months ago my wife decided she wanted to separate, I'm not going into much detail about that for now as I just don't feel comfortable with that. So we didn't have the money for me to move out right away and have been

waiting for my father to finish the basement apartment at his house..Not the best feeling moving back in with a parent when you are 43 years old, but that's a hole other topic lol With the basement all finishes I move in tomorrow.

So you can imagine how my BPD is going today, I haven't been on my own away from my wife in over 15 years. And to top it all off, I have almost never not been around to put my 10 year old son to bed each night. So not only am I

leaving my wife of over 15 years that has always been my light in the darkness, but I will have some distance between my son and I. And we are not even going to start getting into not seeing are dog (Golden Retriever) and Cat every day.

I don't do change well and this is just so much change in such a small amount of time. And if today has me like this I can only imagine what tomorrow will bring, here's to hoping I can survivor more battles ahead with out losing my

mind or falling back into some of my addictive behaviors. I'm very fortunate to have a great therapist I work with and she has help me prepare the best we can for today. But no matter how hard you prepare it seems you are never

really ready for the type of emotional pain that comes with emotional dysregulation. But I have been battling these mental health conditions my entire life, so at least I know how to fight hard when times get bad like this. Another

day another story. Mines not done yet, but I sure wish it was a bit easier and no so lonely and isolating..;

#EmotionalDysregulation

#BPD

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder

#mentalhealthwarrior

#freshstart

#CPTSD #CheckInWithMe #PTSD #EmotionalDysregulation Hi guys. Been a while. What can I say, life happened. Wore me out. Got distracted. Anyways, having a bad few days. Got triggered again by someone who damned well should've known better. And then again and again because she apparently doesn't understand that "I'm too profoundly triggered by your emails to respond right now, maybe ever. You might be hearing from my psychologist instead" means "don't email me again and again and again in the next two days!!"

... Also having other issues with her. Things like basic comprehension of staightforward questions, basic people skills, and being able to provide a list of basic expectations. Oh, and being able to do her job without handholding. You know, things a professional in a human services field should be capable of. Yes, she has a language based disability, but she claims she has sufficient adaptive stategies for it. Obviously not.

So, anyways, it has cascaded into a "I don't know if this relationship is even worth the effort" territory, as, even though she means well, and wants to help, basic communication seems beyond her. No matter how clearly I state my needs or my questions, and no matter how much slack or compassion I show for her probable pandemic stress or the complications and delays the pandemic has brought!

I've been fighting increasing emotional flashbacks (cascade effect anyone?) And increasingly powerful waves of anger, aggravation, and general distress the last few days as a result. I know the next step is to email her boss (who both knows and likes me, so is likely to take me seriously, and be helpful), but I've been too distraught or too exhausted to do so since a friend/mentor affirmed that it was the right answer yesterday.

Unfortunately, my psychologist hasn't been able to respond to my emails on the subject yet, (presumably because she's too busy dealing with too many other people in crisis, or dealing with her own life, or practicing much needed self-care) but we do have an upcoming appointment, so, that'll help, eventually.

I've been able to get some breathing room from everything this Spring, but because of the heatwave we had this summer, I dealt with a different form of disruption since I don't have air conditioning, and my landlady keeps a hot house as a general rule. So I'm just now starting to catch up on stuff, and settle down, and deal with the fallout of all that. And now this...

It's been taking me into the territory of feeling worthless and incompetent and defective again, even though I know full well, (and have had it confirmed by 2 separate people in my life) that I'm doing everything humanly possible to make this relationship work, and I'm just not being given anything back that I can work with. Sometimes nothing whatsoever.

So, anyways, yeah, emotional hijackings suck!

I have had thoughts lately that I don't want to have kids, for fear of what illnesses (mental and physical) I am genetically giving them. Society expects us to pro-create, but what if I am ashamed to? Does anyone else feel like this?

#Depression #Anxiety #CPTSD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Stress #thyroid #Undiagnosed #EmotionalDysregulation

I get so embarrassed and ashamed at how little I can regulate my emotions.

Like I make a fool out of myself constantly, it makes me feel like a 24 year old toddler.

I walked to the gym today, only to be turned away at the door because the information on the website was wrong.

A staff member kindly let me know the pool was now closing as it was a bank holiday, he wasn't mean or anything. He was so polite and sweet about it.

And I nearly CRIED! How SILLY is that!

I nearly bloody cried.

Nearly burst into tears right then and there!

Because I just suddenly SO overwhelmed because I was so frustrated, I'd walked all the way there because the website said it would be open now I had to turn around and walk all the way back.

It's a mile walk each way so it's not even far, and it was lovely weather I had no business getting emotional the way I did.

But I got so upset I actually had to quickly walk away from that guy and sit on the grass for a couple minutes doing breathing exercises. I feel so embarrassed that I'm still behaving like this.

I feel like I have a logical brain, who understands that it's really no big deal and I'll just go tomorrow.

But no matter what my mentally ill brain always overpowers those thoughts and I was just so upset. I felt so annoyed and flustered and upset.

Then of course now I feel guilty, I was nearly really rude to that guy because I got to heated so quickly.

And for WHAT! Because the gym was closed?! I actually need to get a grip!

This is what I mean is that sometimes I feel like I have to treat myself like a toddler. I had to sit myself down, calm myself down, have a drink of water before I got back up and walked home.

I know adding guilt and shame isn't going to help me at all, but sometimes I just wish my brain could ignore it's impulses.

I just wish being aware of how I am was enough to stop it, but as I said I really nearly broke down in front of that man. I cried when I got home and honestly I'm tearing up writing this! Like hello! What's the point why it's my brain doing this to me!!!! It's the GYM it's not a big deal!!!!!! Can I just be normal for one bloody second please!!!!! I beg!!!!!

#ADHD #EmotionalDysregulation #Embarrassed #outburst

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #EUPD #EmotionalDysregulation #centralnervoussystem #parasympatheticsystem #fightfrightfleefawn

A Rollercoaster.

I sit on a rollercoaster daily as I wake up in the morning.
I start with a low as my coffee is pouring, it's a cold brew. Yes, that is my thing.

Before I realise there is a high, as I get ready for office, a twist so bad I almost puke.
There is no thrill here, my screams are the only thing I can hear.

As I make my way through the day, there is a disaster coming my way.
I check my watch, there are hours before the ride ends and I pray so hard cause I am starting to descend.

Just then I touch a high and a low together, my stomach starts to rumble and my heart is out of chest, I turn my head around to check on others but they are all at rest.

They are all at rest.

I sit on a rollercoaster daily as I wake up in the morning.
I start with a low as my coffee is pouring, it is cold brew. Yes, that is my thing.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #AnxietyDisorders #EmotionalDysregulation #Poetry