Grief is like a yo-yo game. Some days it rips you apart and brings you to your knees in tears. Other days it makes you so mad that you want to get revenge on the person that did you so wrong. Then there are moments when you feel nothing at all. Numbness. Silence. You wonder if this is normal or is this only something you experience. You can have the biggest support system in the world, the most loving family and friends, yet nothing seems to work.

My grief comes from my relationship with my boyfriend. This is the first relationship I have ever been in and we have been together for almost a year. Over the past two months I have noticed things in him that did not sit well with me. One day he ignored me on our walk home because I wanted to bring meat into his apparentment (he is a Jain and is against eating meat, the harming of animals, and having meat in his space). He ignored me the whole walk home which made me feel like a child who was being repremended by their parent. Then the other night I found out that he had one of his friends over ( who happens to be a girl) and he hid this from me and then lied about it (after I confronted him). The grief comes from what I thought our future would look like. We talked about moving in together and what our lives would be like travelling and loving life. Now that is not the case and I mourn what I expected to happen. The thing is I questioned my relationship with him sometimes even during the relationship, I did see some red flags but I never thought anything of it. The sex wasn’t that great and I honestly did not look forward to it (I actually didn’t enjoy it during the action). What I did enjoy was the company, the companionship, the attention, the love that I know he gave me and had for me. I miss having someone I can tell anything too, cuddle with, laugh with, and have fun with. I miss the friendship the most and am afraid that will be lost if we break up. But I also know I don’t like the person I have become in certain triggering situations. Anyone else been in situations where they are having a hard time deciding. #Grief #relationship #Love #Heartache #partnership