How My Facebook ‘Word Vomit’ About My Childhood Bullying Set Me Free
Major depression. Bipolar disorder. Anxiety. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Four autoimmune diseases. In recovery from alcoholism. Survivor of rape. Survivor of domestic abuse.
So that’s what I have and what has happened to me. Not who I am.
I recently blew my lid and went public with my childhood bullying experiences. I was not looking for sympathy. Those of us with chronic conditions get accused of that often enough. I did it because I was so tired of my past hindering me in my present. I thought I’d unleash my word vomit on my poor, unsuspecting Facebook community, and I’d feel like someone just offered to watch my kids for 20 minutes so I could shower.
I expected some eye rolls and the “block this person because she’s lost it.” What I did not expect to happen was an overwhelming response of love, empathy, support, with messages like, “Thank you for doing this,” or “How brave of you.”
People I haven’t seen or connected with in 20 years were sharing their stories with me they’ve never told another soul. Stories were shared. Old friends reconnected, and yes, wounds were healed.
I know I embarrassed a few friends and family members with my, “F*ck you. I will not be shamed into silence anymore,” breakthrough that day. (Most likely my mom, husband and siblings.) Yet, it was my once in a lifetime, Hallmark movie moment, and for that day and the few days that followed, I felt part of life like I never have before.
I am unstoppable now, almost overly so! Yet, I’m sure as I navigate this new world I’ll find my balance. I want to be an anti-bully advocate. I thought seriously about jumping in my minivan and driving to Standing Rock for all of about a 15 minutes, but I decided I’d be pretty cold in my yoga pants and t-shirt.
The point is I was inspired. It was not because it ended up being finding liberation for myself. That ended up just being a bonus. However, I think it was because just maybe it liberated someone else too.
Follow this journey on Absolutely Unfiltered.
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Recovering alcoholic, rape survivor and survived an abusive relationship, trying to live as a mom of 3 with severe depression, bipolar disorder, anxiety and chronic auto immune diseases. And having 2 of my 3 kids with depression, anxiety, ADHD and ODD.
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