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No Matter Who Wins the Election, I Don't Feel Safe

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Editor's Note

This story reflects an individual’s experience and is not an endorsement from The Mighty. We believe in sharing a variety of perspectives from our community.

What do you do when almost half of your nation has decided you are not worthy of dignity and respect? That my life does not matter. That I am viewed as a threat to white people’s very well-being. That they can support a political figure who openly exclaims I am the enemy. That I should be held accountable for the demise of white supremacy and that violence is a way to remedy this wrong.

• What is PTSD?

Racial Trauma

I stand before you today broken. My identity as a Black, female lesbian is under attack. I am on an island and the sea is rising around me. There is no help coming for me. Half of Americans are purportedly in my corner but even they are fair weather friends. When it gets down to it they are not going to put themselves between me and the trauma. Some try but most are unwilling. They see that as not their role.

They are to support me, but this is my battle alone.

Racial trauma has all but consumed me. I am afraid to leave my home or put a Biden sticker on my car for the fear of being targeted. I fear for my children and grandchildren and how they will maneuver in a world wrought with such racial divides. How can I protect them when I cannot even protect myself?

My Unrelenting Anxiety

My mental health is challenged by all of this. I question if I am being rational. Is this all in my head? Did the president and his supporters really not mean it? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill? I think not. I have seen this before.

I grew up in a home that was unsafe an unpredictable. This is how I feel my country is right now. The memories of not knowing what waited for me at home every day — if I was going to be violated by the very people who were charged with protecting me. This current situation in our country reminds me that no Black girl is safe in this world.

I must always watch my back and never turn away from those who wish to do me harm. My anxiety and symptoms of PTSD are through the rough. I am not sleeping regularly. I am not able to stay focused. I am short with loved ones. I am scared. I feel uncertain and have an ominous feeling that the other shoe is about to fall any moment.

This is not how one should live in once the greatest country on earth. But this is the situation for many Black people in this country. I fear my fellow citizens and that they literally want me dead. No questions asked and, by this leader, no consequence expected.

May I say again. Half of the nation supports these ideals. How will we ever heal from this? How will we ever come to a place of reconciliation? How will we heal?

I Am Broken

As I said, I am broken. I am scared. I am scarred. I have no safe place to call home.

No matter the outcome of this presidential race, much work will need to be done by white people to work with their community to change their mindset and come to understand that we all have value and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect. I am saying they can see me as a human being and work with me to find common ground and care for one another.

The Mighty community is a great place to start to begin this healing and work together over our common issues to share in our common experiences and bring us closer together as we share our stories.

Photo by Jessica Felicio on Unsplash

Originally published: November 5, 2020
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