Worst Day Ever. #relapsepotential #hurting #Nofriends #why ?
Yesterday I got verbally attacked by 16 people inside of an enclosed medical office because individuals around me were not social distancing and another person was blaring politically divisive media from their cell phone without headphones and I simply asked very, very, politely for them to put on headphones and for the people going to and fro to please understand that I'm immunocompromised and on humira and a caretaker of senior citizens. I ended up being escorted outside by security as 16 people threatened to beat me down in addition to many other despicable displays of inhuman behavior. It's been over 24 hours since all of this happened and I've almost relapsed three times. I feel so alone and so worthless. The security guard at the medical office was not doing his job, he is intimidated by the population that attends this place, it being a methadone clinic; and so he just walks around looking scary from opening to closing time. He apologized to me after everything was said and done but the facility manager took no responsibility and just told me to come at a different time during the day so I could avoid violent demonstrations from people who refuse to follow the rules. I don't have the energy to go into too much detail about what happened but I would say if I had time to: 9 out of 10 people would say that what happened was despicable and easily avoidable. The worst part about it is that being an addict, stuff like that really affects me. Just imagine 16 ex-cons and all kinds of other angry looking people screaming at you, treating you as if you were less than nobody when you are sick and just trying to protect yourself from further illness. I think what made it the most painful was that about 20 years ago my first husband beat me to a pulp in front of all of our mutual friends and everyone just stood in a circle and watched as he pounded me on the ground and spit in my face until I was a bloody pile of spit and scabs. Yesterday really opened up that wound it felt very similar, nobody stood up for me I had to fend off all these people by myself and I can't shake this feeling of worthlessness and wanting to use. All the best, Julia