why

So, why does it always feel that the weight of the world is on my shoulders? Also, why does it seem that even though I’m already beaten down and out that more is then thrown at me…as tho to rub salt in the wounds or to mock and spit on the beaten lady who clearly is distroyed without help or hope in any sight? Why does our world say that one makes a mistake we believe in secon chances and want people to improve and grow from this negative situation, when despite the changes I’ve made and no matter the numberous positive good selfless deeds I’ve done, that same world holds my past constantly over my head and keeps me from truly moving forward….ITS as to say sure yes change do better but never again shall you rise above any true level like out of poverty or low level placement….no matter my educational achievements nor my willing once positive drive to succeed and to help others equally be successful?! #Depression #why #MentalHealth #Anxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Poverty #ADHD #PTSD #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Grief #AnorexiaNervosa #Migraine #CheckInWithMe #InsideTheMighty #MightyTogether #somuchmore

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I had plans today and it just HAD to be ruined! Did the construction workers HAD to come in today?! Now I can’t come out of my fucking room without fearing of being misgendered and trying to avoid them. I have severe social dysphoria. I’m non-binary, not a girl.. 😢

Not only that, but I’m TRYING to record something before my sister’s kids are home for summer break next week (which is a pain in the ass because of overstimulation), and I don’t have much time left before they do!

Please tell me they’ll leave soon…

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #GenderDysphoria #nonbinary #LGBTQIA #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #why #justwhy

Also TW For misgendering and breakdowns
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This is why life is so goddamn hard when the kids are home. Why? Just fucking why? Children high-pitch noises upset me (I live with my sister and her 2 kids) but I despise being misgendered as a girl. I’m non-binary, damn it! It’s like no matter how OBVIOUS I try to make it, they still mistake me as a lady. 😡 As someone with severe social dysphoria, it doesn’t help. At all. It leads to breakdowns 100% of the time now.

Thanks, America /sarc /neg /nbh

#MyAutismIsNotADisorder #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #why #nonbinary #imnonbinary #GenderDysphoria #Life #Family #venting #TriggerWarnings

Everyday this week I woke up in a good mood. Out of nowhere (for no obvious reason) light switch. The crash. Depressed. despair. How can I change this? I hate this. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder
#why

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My nephews are home again today, and because my autism hates it for some reason (because of external stimuli and being overstimulated), I’m leaving. Again.

Pros:
- Finding a quiet space

Cons:
- Potentially being misgendered as someone who’s not non-binary (especially being misgendered as a girl)
- One of my triggers are the words c/v/d-19 (o, i), p/nd/mic (a, e), and q//r/ntine (ua, i) ⚠️(please, please, no one say these words in the comments 🙏🏽) ⚠️, and UNFORTUNATELY it’s pretty common in advertisements (which are almost freaking everywhere - thanks America /sarc) and I can’t even look at advertisements or even the outside world anymore since 2020. Once I accidentally look at a post or whatever (because I do that often) and one of those words appear, there goes my mood. It’s happened twice the last time I went out.

But I feel like I have nowhere else to go but outside in order to not feel overstimulated. This is ridiculous.

#fml #MyAutismIsNotADisorder #Anxiety #SocialAnxiety #Family #why #whatdoido

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Is the government really that stupid enough to think that I can work??

I have way too many triggers. I literally despise being called a girl or “ma’am” or “she”. I’M FREAKING NON-BINARY! Even though I’m also transmasc, I’M NOT JUST A BOY! I literally despise the line “ladies and gentlemen”. I have no time to put up with any drama crap. I will most likely quit my first job pretty quickly. And I don’t want to deal with all the freaking haters that hate me or bully me for no good reason. Screw that.

And some of the shit my past therapists said about me was either over-exaggerated or false about me doing good. Like I never said some of those things that I said. Just freaking because I said that I may be doing good ONLY meant AT THAT MOMENT!

Why even depend on the government for our rights?? I know myself better than they fucking know me. I’m an anarchist, and I believe that you should have public access or just instant rights regardless without having to depend on higher power who barely even know you and take forever to make things legalized (even though I despise my autism being called a disability or disorder). I want instant change, not wait 10 years for it! (/vsrs)

Anyway. 😞

#mad #LGBTQIA #anger #government #why #unfair #Anxiety #Autism #rights

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What a great way to start the freaking morning. Remembering the very strict high school that I absolutely hate and the reason why I dropped out - trauma and stupidity.

I remember being in P.E. and… we’ll just call her Ms. A. I was on the 504 program (because I have autism), and Ms. A said something to everyone in the class about knee push-ups and to not do them because “you’re not disabled”.

Um, excuse me? Knee push-ups are not exclusive to physically disabled folk. Knee push-ups are an actual excercise that help with strength. Also, not every physically disabled folk can do a push-up or even knee push-ups. I’m not that stupid. Not to mention that some neurodivergent folk may also have trouble doing full push-ups, especially because of sensory issues. And some overweight individuals, such as I, may also find knee push-ups helpful, too. So knee push-ups help. It’s an actual fucking exercise. She thought she was helping, but seriously??

And even though I hate my autism being labeled as a disorder or disability, I guess it didn’t apply to me because of that 504 program. But still. That was such a ridiculously stupid comment to make and one of the reasons I hated that school. Why was Ms. A even qualified to be a P.E. teacher?? She should’ve known that already! I do really, really wish to say what exact high school it is right now, but I won’t.

#Autism #neurodivergent #Disability #Ableism #Trauma #HighSchool #SchoolTrauma #uneducated #why #School

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Why? Why did my nephews had to be home today?? Just why?? I swear I love them, but my autism - says - why??

Now I’m planning to just leave out for today. I’m so sick of this shit. I’m so sick of being overstimulated like this.

And why does it always have to be on the same day as my therapist appointment? It’s not like I can reschedule because then we would have to pay $100 just for fucking rescheduling this late.

Screw it, I’m still leaving early and having the online appointment elsewhere. I don’t care how cold it is or whatever, I’m going.

What a shit first day of the month. First it’s me being triggered and crying last night because of accidentally reading transgender violence statistics and was scared for my life because I’m trans nonbinary, now it’s my nephews being home. 😑😤

#anger #Autism #why #ihatethis #overstimulated #Anxiety

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Aaand my nephews are staying home from school for the rest of the week. I can just tell. But they’ve been quiet yesterday, surprisingly. But who knows if that’s gonna happen the rest of these days… sh*t 😕

Why am I so annoyed just from the thought of it?? I swear I love my nephews and know what’s going on with them, considering that they’re also just kids as well.

If they start being loud again, I’m going to cry. I was really looking forward to this week.. *sigh* oh well. I guess.

#Autism #sad #why #justwhy #Anxiety #Family #fml

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My reaction to when the kids are not going to school

Me: Oh, the kids are home today, that’s fine.

My autism: F*ck no why, why are the kids home today, that means no quiet time, sh*t why are they home today just why?? I’m shaking, I hate this so much..

I want to cry.

#Autism #Anxiety #why #sad