why

I deal with suicidal thoughts (which have been getting so bad I might attempt possibly. I will tell my therapist about this next week)

Struggle to go outsde

have extreme anxiety/intrusive thoughts over unhealed trauma

and just want to stay in bed and ruminate and die

Yet my abusers/shitty family all seem to function nornally

Going to work, chatting with people easily, integrating into life, and not seeming bothered or caring about how shitty they are

Why are abusers able to live easier lives?

#why #Abuse #abusers #Trauma #Suicide

Have been on this medication, 6 months for my Sarcoidosis and now have cataracts in both eyes caused by the medication
#Sarcoidosis ,#chronic pain, #Pain ,#Prednisone ,#medications ,
#side effects,# cataracts,#why me

#Disability #LegallyBlind #Blindness #cnib #Canada #Ontario #why

Over the past couple of weeks, I've thought about the time my friend purposefully triggered me. They had every right to say what they said, but I struggle with the thought that if they knew I was going to be negatively affected by their words in that moment... Why did they say it at all? I feel like they hurt me on purpose. That they didn't respect my feelings. But maybe that's not how it actually was
#friendships #Depression #MentalHealth #why #overthinking

I celebrated the end of the tunnel too soon. Saturday, my laptop died. Taking it in tomorrow, from what I can find, its probably one of three things, and two of them are easy fixes. So, hopefully I'll get it back for at least some of vacation. It's not that old, and was price gouged because of Covid, so I don't want to replace it yet. #Stress #why

When I think, all I seem to see in my head is: who am I?! Why is it one thing after the next. The only way I can really explain my feelings to the people I love are through many drinks and many many blunts. I have my mmj card legally through MD just FYI; my feelings go unsaid because of insecurities and fear of expression due to approval purposes. I seem to get a lot of not so helpful responses from those I look up to and those I trust such as “I’m making up excuses” or “ I’m being a liberal” or “ you rely on your parents too much. You’re an adult now”. These are the kinds of things that cause me not to be able to express myself within a relationship whether it be a significant other or a family member. I feel like it’s always one thing after the next between my health and my dying relatives who mean so much to me on my mom’s side. I’m moving out of my parents house on sept 11th and this wil be the first time ever being on my own (besides summer church camp in middle and early high school with my little and big sister one year after the next …) my funds have gone way down meaning all I can rely on is a journal and depression/anxiety/ mood stabilizer/ADD meds. My temptations are alcohol and MJ, and by far those two have made me become very broke. I feel like it’s one thing after the next all the time. I pull a muscle at work, I make a mistake which gives me anxiety all day during work, I make a mistake in my relationship based upon honesty and trust. My life feels like it’s splitting slowly into pieces. I feel like I’m going to be fired every day, from work and my relationship. My mental health has deteriorated my tooth health and has massively melted away my love life. I’m trying to be honest with everyone but it’s hard when I’m afraid of losing. I don’t know how to get help especially without insurance at this time. I don’t know anymore. At all. I feel hopeless based upon my previous jobs within retail, I feel that the only thing I’m good for is customer service and that’s it. I want so badly to go back to school but fear I can’t based upon learning disabilities and money/work to maintain a life by myself and with my boyfriend who is really love to have earned their trust back based upon my past poor choices. I’ve found myself picking rough hairs out of my head out of anxiety ridden feelings and I caught myself but I’ve been itching to search for more even though I know I can’t because then I’ll definitely look bald. Like my boyfriend knows about this and it’s highly unattractive so I’ve been trying my hardest to stop but I’ve been on the highest point of anxiety I’ve ever been at. I’ve been searching for psych help but everything is out of my budget. I need help but don’t know how to get it. #Anxiety #Depression #ADHD #Addiction #alcoholic #GettingHelp #Therapy #Trichotillomania #LifeLessons #why

Hi, I was given up by my mother at 3yrs old. A lot of horrible things happened before I found her again at 16. She would tell me how bad she felt and how now that I’m back I have a family. After, some ups and downs in discovering her definition of family, I decided to do an experiment. I was feeling as though my “family” only called when they wanted something from me. Especially, my mother.
Help her pay bills, move or clean something. But seldom to just say hi, how are https://you.I was the one who would do the calling to see if everyone was ok and to let them know I was thinking of them. My mom would come to town and stop 2 blocks away from my house to see my cousin, but didn’t have the time to stop and see me as well. If I was not doing what my mother or my “family” thought I should, be doing, then I was shunned, by everyone. About 5 yrs ago I decided that I wasn’t going to call, I was going to see who would call me. 2 1/2 years later, my mom sends me a happy birthday text. Not even a phone call. I was devestated. We are now going on 5 yrs and I’ve broken down and tried to give it another shot. My Effort was met with contempt and destain from my “family” was told I “couldn’t just hit them up, and act like nothing happened, especially after I walked away from them””
Does this make any kind of sense to anyone?

#ChronicIllness