schizophronia

I waited till today to receive the class notes i lucked out an got thought in a couple hours . My issue is i was full aware i needed to study and chose to do something else. I can’t say anything was bugging aside from my issue with chronic pain. So I got buzzed an a little high to ease my discomfort and wasted the weekend doing it , I feel better my pain is under control for the moment , i rested a lot and although I fell right . Inside I know I would have not done so good had I not had rest . Yet I’m sad that I had to use to get it . I want to do right an better myself yet I do these things when I’m not feeling well maybe I need new meds #ChronicPain #Trauma

I have been seeing psychiatrists and therapists for around three years now and have learned that I have ptsd from stuff that happened to me as a child and depression thing is I have been able to get by all these years but now that I talk about these thing which I forget or kept to myself I find it harder to deal with and I break down hard sometimes. the other day I wanted to a bond on my life just leave so I could struggle elsewhere to help get my mind out of that place . today I find myself wanting my therapist to tell me I need a get a way from what triggers me so that I can have the courage to leave home and my mom behind and just leave I’m 45 and hurt physically which doesn’t help with finding a job I’m scared but fear my memory’s of that stuff more how do I cope with this ? I’m so lost , I often hear good ideas in my head that might make things better but I always fail to use them of I wait to long to my mental issues come from sex, truma , assault, car accidents mental abuse from mom it the weirdest ways to , shame , these are just a few of what hurts me inside and I’m in pain from an injury all the time what should I do ? #PTSD #schizophronia #Depression #ChronicPain #Shame #Fear