I have an appointment with a scary med manager ive seen once...i dont know how to handle this...
I live with medication resistant depression, bi-polar 2, anxiety and PTSD. Over 30 years I have gone through about 20 medications as well as ECT and Ketamine. Nothing has worked. I am educated on the brain and drugs...because I have to be.
This is long, please keep reading!!!
I have to rely on 4 medications, including Klonopin, a benzodiazapine. It is not just for anxiety, it is for bi-polar.
I have tried 2 new med providers. In 4 months. The first one tried to kill me by prescibing tramadol when i am on an MAOI. I made the first mistake EVER, dang it, taking double klonopin based on her orders instead of looking at bottle. 8 days. I was dealing with Pharmacy and therapist and her lackey. Stupid, but for my system, felt nothing! I called immediately and thought, no big deal, been on this for 10 years!!! She refused to refill AND did not explain it wasn't forever, she would have done next month. But no one called me back after 4 frantic phonecalls!phonecards!!
I went through withdrawal and my therapist said ER. (I have no idea why she didn't help call Dr again). ER=drug addict.
I asked for a provider at my hospital and just took next appointment. He's an RN with Psych training(no offense but...) by end of first visit with clear explanation by me, he fully agrees to 1 mg 3xday, my normal dose. Lol, I make him repeat it 3 times!
Sooo . By now no Klonopin for 2 months and my manic is so bad I almost take my life!
He gave me 10 days of 1m tid. I assumed a mistake. He didn't refill on time so another 3 days without. Finally get it... .5 mg tid!!!.I am calling daily saying he made a mistake. Took a full week to find out he's titration me off. That @%$,- KNEW he was going to do this at our visit and LIED to me.
I've tried his supervisor, no response, spoken to another Supervisor who tried to reach her, nope. Made complaint to public relations, another message to MIA Supervisor.
HELP!!! I have an appointment with him tomorrow and DO NOT want HIM alone! Maybe someone watching would keep him from lying?
My son will be with me and I will record conversation.
Sob! I'm terrified that he has control of MY medications and can do whatever he wants! This benzo fear is out of control!!! My last Psych and the 2 before all said " you will HAVE to be on this, don't go off, it is part of a regime that is keeping me alive.
Also, if a Dr has 2 or 3 clients out of 75 on benzo, the government doesn't care. It's when 25% of your clients are on them becomes a problem.
I don't know how to behave tomorrow. Luckily for him its telemonitored. Do I grovel, cry, or give him the look that makes children hide and men cry? No matter what, I'm a druggie in their eyes. Why, how, I hate living here.
If I lose Klonopin again...I won't survive.